Which way do I run?

Oops, didn't make it in time.  Sorry.

Oh dear, I've got a bug. I don't mean a failure in a computing program, I refer to an infection of my poor abused ( and ageing) body. (I used to work in a hospital laboratory, and we referred to all bacteria and viruses as "bugs")



I haven't had any food for 2 days now, because *pauses to give delicate grimace* it either goes straight through, or it goes straight back out.

My beloved has had the same for the last week, and I must admit that I was initially unimpressed with her moans and rapid shuffling runs to the toilet. I do now sympathise.

I felt so ill yesterday that I actually took a day of work, and had to abandon my pupils to the not-so-tender mercies of a reliever, but as I was the guy who has to set the bloody relief and because I always take all the relief information home (so I can start arranging the reliever details in the evening) I had to go into school to finish off the timetables for the relievers.

As soon as I could I went home and spent the next 8 hours sound asleep, (with a large bucket beside me) with occasional interruptions for a rapid shuffling run to the toilet.  One of the nastiest effects of this bug is that it produces a large amount of gas.  Which gets trapped. Which tries to get out.  It also makes all the "solid wastes" not so solid.  Remember Samo and the tale of the spray painted bus after the melon incident?  This is similar, but there is worse to come.

Sometimes the gas and waste are produced together (spray painting) sometimes separately, but I don't know which is going to occur before it occurs.

The uncertainty is driving me to drink (but I cannot at the moment stand the taste or smell of whisky *sob*) and to the replacement of many pairs of nether garments.

I'm starting to feel a bit better, and I've got to get into school today as I have to print off the Junior Reports,but I don't think I'll be staying very late tonight. 

Must run, something's happening... *disappears at a rapid shuffling run*