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Friday, 8 June 2018

Greed

Last weekend was our 40th Wedding Anniversary, and before any of you readers (if there be any) clutch your chest in shock and alarm, I can reassure you, I did remember it.






Gave me quite a proud feeling.

My normal anniversary/birthday/any-sort-of-event recollection rate is down around 30%, but enough hints had been dropped, many, many times over the last 2 months by SWMBO, that even my bloated, ancient and male brain heard the warning signals and made some plans.



We had agreed to forego any presents, but I've been here before and so went out and bought a rather expensive ruby and diamond ring.



I should like to make it clear that the ring was for my Beloved (SWMBO), not for me.

I also booked a table at rather a nice seafood restaurant in Wellington (The Ortega Fish Shack) and a room in a Wellington hotel, so we could have a few glasses of vino and not worry about driving home.

The day arrived, and we exchanged gifts.  SWMBO was greatly taken (she bloody well should be, as to buy it I took out all the interest in my Pension fund for the quarter)

I got a rather nice looking watch (more on this in another post)



Now the use of Greed in the title does not apply to our lovely meal; we were actually quite constrained.  Just 2 courses and a glass of Pinot Gris each, although SWMBO did order a large Old Fashioned as a digestif.

Greed reared its head on the next morning.



The hotel we had chosen had a special offer available, $25 reduction on the room charge and a full buffet breakfast for $1.  Being a greedy careful Scot, I couldn't refuse, so I ordered the breakfast.

On the morning,  after a good night's sleep in the hotel, the buffet breakfast was pretty impressive.  Not impressive by 5* Asian Hotel standards, which have to be seen to be believed, but by the normal Kiwi standards.

Asian Hotel breakfasts are great.

Bacon, pork sausage, chicken sausage, creamed mushrooms, baked beans, hash browns, scrambled egg, poached eggs, fried eggs, and grilled tomatoes.  I won't bother describing in detail the "healthy options", but they did have some nice croissants, and a good selection of cold meats and cheeses.



I went a wee bit nuts.

I piled my plate with 3 or 4 spoonfuls of the scrambled egg and just 2 spoonfuls of mushrooms.  4 pork sausages, but just 3 of the chicken sausages.  This caused a wee bit of angst with the next customer at the buffet, because I had finished the sausages available, and just about finished the scrambled eggs.


HHhhmmmmm . . . BACON

Then I did go nuts.  I put 23 rashers of bacon on the plate (they just fitted in the space). The other browsing buffet hunters looked on in shock (you guessed it, last of the bacon) horror, and I like to think, just a little awe.  I added on one slice of tomato for health's sake, but managed to refuse the temptation of the hash browns and beans, as being too carbohydrate rich.  I do have to watch my health you know.

I polished off the lot, washed down with 2 glasses of orange juice and 2 mugs of coffee.  I was pretty full at the end, but just managed enough room for 2 croissants, liberally smothered with butter.



At that point I was full, and felt totally replete, with just a little voice wishing that some black pudding would have been nice.



It was about 4 hours later, after we had arrived home that the meat sweats and salt thirst hit.

The meat sweats were not too bad, but the salt thirsts were not nice at all.  I was desperate to drink enough water to stop the thirsts, but then my stomach got too full, and then I felt sick.

This went on into the night, but the full horror didn't appear until about 35 hours later, when my digestive system finished dealing with the massive load of protein, fats and salt.



I will not give any of those details in an attempt to protect the delicate sensibilities of my dear readers (if there are any)


Oh, I just realised, no pretty images.

Well, there is a toilet in the background

27 comments:

  1. Ha ha. Great post. I was in our capital city this evening when I DESPERATELY needed a toilet, but that's a story for another day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Richard, I won't inquire why, because I know you'll probably blog it.
      DESPERATELY needing a toilet is easy. You've got a complete bloody harbour out there.

      Delete
  2. Ah those cheap buffets can be lethal. The class is example of marginal cost versus marginal benefit in economic theory. This was explained by my university lecturer back in the day with the example of all you could eat pizza for a set price and the way one would pig out and feel really full after so many pieces of pizza lol. Also remember those all you could eat buffets the Pizza Hut used to have. My kids would have a tiny bit of main course then it was multiple trips to the dessert bar. I used to feel up watching them consume these treats but luckily we had no nasty after effects. Can’t say the same for myself last Christmas. We were hosted and a lovely dinner it was. A good lapse before dessert but multiple offerings. I couldn’t choose. So I had both a piece of pavlova and banofee pie. Not long after I felt very uncomfortable. As in over full. Went for a walk down the road to work it down. But to no avail. I had to chuck some up. Then I felt much better. I will never do this again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah VG, yes, but the cheap all-you-can-eat buffets are a godsend to poor starving students. Do you remember the methods used to maximise the one trip to the salad bar? The care in stacking everything behind a wall of lettuce.
      I've gone off sweets these days, much prefer savoury.
      I must admit, I've never stuffed myself to the limit, requiring a vomit release for a very long time.
      My aging guts just woulnd't accept it any more.

      Delete
  3. Next Christmas I will stick to one dessert. If I’d just had the pavlova it would’ve been fine. But I had to try that banofee pie as I was curious having never had any before. I underestimated how dense and rich it was. I shall never have that sweet again. Just the thought of it churns my stomach.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good idea.

      I've never tried that particular dessert, but it does sound attractive. But after your experience, perhaps not.

      Delete
  4. hard to pass up bacon - food of the gods

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bacon is indeed the food of the gods, I've heard that it is bacon that causes most vegetarians to go back to meat.

      Delete
    2. I was vegetarian for roughly 8 years ... until I met my husband. I confess I did miss bacon

      Delete
  5. TSB, I see you're still in fine form!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I find that TSB is trying. Very trying.

    ReplyDelete
  7. How lovely you bought your wife such a beautiful ring for your Ruby Annversary. She deserves a medal too I would think after forty years of being Mrs TSB. How is she coping having you at home now all day in retirement? Or rather how are you coping?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks VG, she does like her new Ruby ring, and so she should at that bloody price.
      She is not coping with my retirement very well, keeps complaining about not having her own time. However, if I leave her alone, to work on other things, like m'blog, she complains I am ignoring her.
      As usual, I can't win.

      Delete
  8. I would have expected more blog posts now that you're sitting around doing nothing every day. (Except, of course, the days when you drive old ladies around the country.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not really my style.
      I like to think things over before posting.
      That's probably why my posts have not yet caused my incarceration.
      It also give my international visitors a chance to comment.

      Delete
  9. Hello, International Visitor here.

    I'm mainly vegetarian, but us tree-huggers often have the same problems as you lovers of the flesh. On a veggie diet one can easily overdo the fibre, which sometimes makes an immediate mid-sentence exit from social situations imperative. If like me you tend to drink a lot of strong dark ale, you make it worse for yourself.

    By the way, I'm glad to see that Valley Girl, who confesses "I used to feel up", implies with the use of the past tense there, that her period of wandering hands is now over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had forgotten you were one of those strange lovers of vegetables looby, but can you resist the lure of BACON?
      Hi fibre diet and good dark ale is a splendid combination, helps you make your mark.

      VG would never do such a thing. Knock you out with a sizzling right hook, possibly, but feeling up is not her style.

      Delete
  10. Hey TSB - congrats on the 40 years. My wife was put on the spot by my daughter and got both the number years we've been married next month and the year we first started going out wrong... really made an impression there haven't I?

    BTW that ring looks very like one my wife recently inherited

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Graham, thanks for that. It was only because my Beloved had repeatedly reminded me about it that I even remembered it myself. That and the giant fluorescent scrawl on all of the calendars in the house.

      Well done for your wife, I had to pay for the damned thing.

      Delete
  11. Btw TSB that typo you have eluded to in my orevious post was meant to say “I used to feel ill watching them consume these treats” but somehow autocorrect changed my word and thus the meaning of my description into a rather dodgy one at that. I’ve never had wandering hands but know many who do or did particularly males.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I read over on RBB’s blog how you say you do t miss teaching but you thought you would once retired. I bet you really miss doing the bi annual reports though at this time of the year - like a bloody hole in the head! But obviously your brain is still highly trained to proof read all text presented to you, hence your promptness at picking up my typo. I must say I sadly suffer from this condition too and get annoyed when posting on others blogs that I can’t fix my typos unlike on Facebook.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can have a look at looby's life of continual angst, I've got a link on m'blog.

      NOTE: Faceache is a stain upon the Universe.

      Delete
  13. Happy anniversary. 40 is a LOT. It's a big number. People are marrying much later than they used to. It's a trend. 40-year anniversaries are going to be extinct eventually. Good on you guys.

    The black pudding looks like hockey pucks.

    ReplyDelete
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