The Delights of Cottage Cheese

Last night on the TV, an advert came on for Cottage Cheese and it included a competition asking for the best Cottage Cheese recipe, so here's mine.



Take two low-calorie crispbeads (the extra crunchy ones that taste like dehydrated cardboard) and place on plate.
Carefully ignoring the butter and even the low-calorie Cholesterol-reducing spread in the firdge, get out the pot of Cottage CHeese.
Spread a nice thin layer of the lumpy stuff over the crispbreads.
Take a freshly washed tomato, and slice thinly using a Mandolin.
Bandage fingers which were sliced by the razor sharp blade of the Mandoline , although you could allow some of your blood to drip onto the Cottage Chese to give it some (extra) flavour.
Do the same with a freshly washed cucumber, and ditto for the blood and bandages
Sprinkle a little Paprika over the top and servewith a sprig of mint for that essential esthetic effect.

Lift the plate to eye level to appreciate the artistry of your creation.
Open the waste bin and then throw the whole bloody lot in it.

Best place for it

Cottage cheese must be the most tasteless crap ever produced.  The only thing close is Tofu, and if you ever see a dish conting both, run like hell.

Here's an alternative.

In a very large frying pan, add a large knob of butter and a smidgen of oil (Rice Bran Oil is probably the healthier option)
Place on heat and add:
4 rashers of lightly smoked back bacon
2 Pork sausages from Freedom Farms
2 Churizo sausages from Island Bay Butchers
4 freshly made potato scones (see earlier post for recipe)
3 slices of Black pudding
1 slice of square (Lorne) sausage
2 Hash Browns
4 Free Range eggs

Remove the crispbread slices from the bin and put on an elevated pedestal in the centre of the table.

Sneer laughingly at the cardbaord crap as you slowly consume the glorious concoction known as a complete Scottish Fry Up  (also known as the Cardiac Surgeon's Friend).
Best accompaniment is a large mug of freshly brewed tea, although I have been known to use a couple of bottles glasses of a robust Merlot as a suitable alternative.
Return crisbreads to bin, persuade son to wash up and dry, and retire to quiet shady area to snooze and digest.

Try to ignore small clanging sounds from major arteries, as well as ignoring that annoying numbness in left arm and shoulder.