Oh Shit

I had to contact the FBI recently, as they had contacted me.

TSB:  Hello, could I speak to Agent Sparrow please?

FBI:  Yes Sir, could I be updated on the circumstances of your proposed communication Sir?

TSB:  Well, she sort of contacted me. and said she wanted to "contact me ASAP"

FBI:  I see Sir, could you give me your name, geographic location, political ideology and religion.

TSB:  Ehhhh, She knows me as TSB, I'm in New Zealand, I'm a conservative and a sort of agnostic.

FBI:  I see Sir.  I can communicate from her active ongoing indications of action that she is on her way to New Zealand.  To see you Mr. TSB

TSB:  Oh Shit.

FBI:  Pardon Sir, what was that comment?

TSB:  Ohhhh, I said what a hit.  Imagine, a real FBI agent coming down here to New Zealand to see little ole me.

FBI:  Yes Sir, quite an honour I would suggest.  Your pardon Sir, but your accent sounds not dissimilar to others I have heard, but not originating from the antipodes.

TSB:  Yes, well I'm British.

FBI:  Why Sir, why didn't you say, that puts a completely different complexionimitry on the situation.  The Brits are our closest allies, not like those anti-American New Zealanders.

TSB: Yes I know, I used to be an officer in the British Army.  You can check.  My Army Number is ******

FBI: Yes Sir, I can confirm that.  Your clearance is still Top Secret.  Coda Alpha please.

TSB ******++***

FBI:  Thank you Captain, do you have any thing else to report?

TSB:  You bet.  It's a hotbed of discontent down here.
  Richard [of RBB] is constantly fiddling with Gloria
  The Curmudgeon is such a bad-tempered old sod, that I'm sure he is an anarchist
  Bin Hire is from the UAE ('nuff said)
  Angry Jesus is a religious fanatic, as is Second
  Basket Guy used to be a Hobbit
  Elma is a deviant, as is Jessica
  ManofErrors is so Liberal he's practically a Commie.
 
FBI:  Is that the list complete Sir?

TSB:  Just about.  Fflur is so overworked as a teacher and a single parent, that she's practically lifeless.  The problem is that they're all so paranoid that they use the cell system.  I'm not really sure of their "real" identities.

FBI:  Wow, they're using a cell system.  That's much more serious than we thought.  It's just as well that Agent Sparrow is heading down there.

TSB:  Just as a matter of security, what does Agent Sparrow look like?  So I can recognise her when she turns up.

FBI:  Certainly Sir, I'll email an image immediately.  I'll send a front and a back view, to cover all eventualities

TSB:  Dear God.........................  When is she arriving?

FBI:  I'm not sure Sir, I'll let you know when Agent Sparrow eventuates her TOA.  "Have a nice day now, y'hear?