Activities 4

Continuing the series of end of term activities in Nuova Lazio High

The Picton Special

This activity is a simple one, but can be the most enjoyable of all the activities.  Suitable for boys and girls of both good and bad behaviour.  Duration: 9am - 3pm

1. Assemble in Nuova Lazio Car Park.  For safety, the ratio of teachers to pupils should be 1:3
2. Put kids in minivans and lock doors
3. Repair to staffroom, coffee and cakes
4. Back to minivans, drive to Wellington Ferry Terminal
5. Park vans, let kids out and board the Picton Ferry as foot passengers
6. Find bar, prepare supervision rota for teachers
7. Distribute activity packs for students.
1. Count the Dolphins

2. Count the condoms
3. A sick-bag
4. Count the number of sea-sick passengers
5. Count the number of times each member of the student group says"Are we there yet"
8. Teachers not on rota partake of strong drink and (if available) wild women
9. Arrive Picton, disembark, count kids
10. Buy ice cream for teachers, kids can buy their own
11. Wander around for 1 hour observing the delights that Picton has on offer.
1. Avoid aquarium, boring and slightly dangerous.  Never had the inclination to pet a 5 metre Great White
2. Student who won the "Are we there yet" competition is given money and told to go and see the "Magic Fish" in the aquarium.  Make sure he understands that to make the "Magic Fish" give him/her his/her wish it has to be rubbed really hard.
12. Count students and limbs.  If ratio is not 1:4 demand your money back from aquarium
13. Board ferry
14. Return to bar and repeat 7 & 8 above
15. Extra activity of "Polish the Bloody Big Diesel" arranged with Chief Engineer.

16. Pocket $100 from Chief Engineer.
17. Disembark
18. Count kids
19. Return to Nuova Lazio High
20. Assemble surviving kids in carpark, and explain to them what an educational experience this has been.
21. Tell them to wash and polish minibuses before going home.  Confiscate their shoes to stop the little bugger running off (Although that does not always work with Kiwi kids.  The poor colonials seem to like running around in bare feet)
22. Return shoes when vans clean and tidy

Activities 3

Continuing the series of end of term activities in Nuova Lazio High.

Quick Change

This is an activity for fun and profit.  Best for small groups. 

Choose the participants carefully.  They need some basic mechanical knowledge.

1. Organise the groups (8 - 10 participants) into covering areas of Nuova Lazio (You can use the maps prepared for Find the Virgin)
2. Each group has at least one with a mobile phone
3. If they spot a Subaru Imprezza or a Mitsi Evo in a suitable area(on the grass, nobody home) they phone the organiser
4. Turn up with a tow truck and back to Nuova Lazio High
5. Strip, rebuild, respray, renumber and sell to Mr Snake in the Hutt inside 4 hours.
6. 50% of proceeds for you, the rest spilt between the group
7. Repeat as many times as you can before the cops start sniffing about
8. Return all tools to the Technology Department, wiping all fingerprints
9. Remind all participants that the Dig a Hole  is on tomorrow, and that if they don't keep schtum they'll end up at the bottom as they re-fill

Teachers Only

This is my favourite activity.  As many teachers as you wish, with three pupils per teacher.

1. All the participating teachers move their cars into the designated area of the car park
2. Teachers move into the staffroom for coffee and savouries while the designated kids start washing and waxing the cars
3. After finishing a leisurely tea, teachers inspect the cars, the students responsible for the washing and waxing stand beside their charge. 
4. The students who have shown that they can produce a good finish are loaded into the minivans and transported to the Petone esplanade.
5. The students who have produced a poor finish are encouraged to improve with a gentle whipping and sent to the Find the Landmine activity
6. In Petone, the $5 wash and wax stall is set up in the esplanade car park (It helps if you make sure some spurious charity is shown on the sign.  It encourages the locals to contribute)
7. One teacher is selected to start the supervision, while the rest repair to the Firemans' Arms.
8. Drink is ordered and partaken.
9. Ensure a fair rota is set up so all teachers involved do their fair share of supervision of the wash/wax stall
10. 1 packet of chippies each is given to the participating pupils to keep up their energy
11. Drink is ordered and partaken, pizza is ordered and eaten.
12. Pack up to get back to Nuova Lazio by 3.
13. Give each participating pupil $1 in way of thanks and dismiss.
14. Return to staffroom and divvy up the proceeds.  There should be sufficient to cover all pub expenses, with a little extra left over.

To maximise the proceeds it has been found in the past that having at least one of the participating pupils in a wheelchair attracts many more customers, and they leave bigger tips.

To really maximise profits, make sure some of the older Year 13 girls are available in bikinis.  These ladies will attract many, many more customers, but they also need to be recompensed with much more money.

Much more profitable

End of Year Activities

Now we're all back at the chalkface, we have to plan for the remainder of the year.  Apart from fairly major events like NZEA exams, junior reports etc. we have to arrange some exciting attention-getters for our last couple of days.
For some reason, this seems traditional in Kiwi schools, where the juniors go in little trips on the last couple of days of school.  One of our PE teachers has (been) volunteered to co-ordinate the event.

Nuova Lazio Bush Walk (These are not Elephants in the background.  NL has a very large Polynesian population) 

Last year, and for the 5 years prior to that, we used to do three things.  One group of teachers would take the kids to the swimming pool, one group would take the kids on a walk through the bush to a posh suburb over the hill, by the sea, and one group would hide, and hope everyone would just leave them alone to finish their planning for the next year.

Oh Shit!

I was always a proud member of the third group, utilising a technique I developed in the Army.  If you walk around with a couple of pieces of paper in your hand, and a worried frown on your face, chances are that people will actually get out of your way.
   A problem shared is a problem grown out of all proportion.
The real reason for this hide and seek escape and evasion is fear.
If I'm a member of the party that goes to the pool, and one of the kids drowns (It might happen.  I've got a little list, they never will be missed.) what happens to the teachers nominally in charge.  I can see the Coroner in his court asking incredulously "Are you saying Mr TSB (the Scotsman, not the arena) that you were in charge of over 150 children involved in a swimming activity and you have no certification in life-saving or even resuscitation or first aid, or that you cannot even SWIM?"

This would end badly.

If I'm a member of the group that goes bush, and one or more of our little angels goes missing (I've got a little list) I can again see the Coroner in his Court asking unbelievingly "Are you saying Mr TSB (the Scotsman, not the arena) that you were in charge of over 150 children involved in tramping through thick bush, and you did not have a map, a compass or even a GPS device, and that no-one was qualified to lead such an expedition, nor had any map reading certification, nor any sort of outdoor education certification apart from yourself who failed his map reading course whilst a British Army Officer?"

That would end very badly.

The Kiwi Number 8 wire approach is all very well, until someone gets hurt, and then the insidious culture of litigation, infecting every part of the world from the USA , would invariably end up with you in the dock.  Thanks but no thanks.

Hiding is obviously the best option.