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Sunday, 30 May 2010


I am generally a law-abiding person.
I do not drink and drive
I do not hit someone who looks at me
I do not even hit one of the little nyafs that I teach
They're not all nyafs, mostly there really nice kids who want to:
  1. have fun
  2. learn something
  3. doze quietly in the corner
  4. eat their lunch
  5. make eyes at the boy/girl in the next row
  6. fart
  7. hide shoes/iPod/phone/cigarettes/love letter from me
  8. bully/be bullied
  9. complete all their work to a very high standard and then ask for some more work so they can achieve more (and show off a little)

but the ones who just want to make trouble/hit someone/swear at someone/shout etc. make up for all the rest.

So I'm contemplating retirement


Just one little problem, do I have enough money?

So I break out good old Excel and set up a budget spreadsheet.

It looks OK, we can still have one holiday a year (instead of two)

We can still eat reasonably well

We can still run a car

We will be able to keep warm

But not a lot of reserve for emergencies

But it would do, I could start to plan my way out.

But which way?

with a bang or with a whimper?

Go out in a blaze of glory by thumping that obnoxious and incompetent basket cased they call a DP?

Thumping that pig-ignorant lout of a year 12 who's making my colleague's life hell?

Putting over my knee and smacking the arse of that foul-mouthed, disruptive, drug-addled and intelligent girl in year 10?

Whichever, I would get suspended. On full pay. With no teaching. No kids.

I'm sure I could stretch it out to at least 3 years in court, then change to Guilty by reason of Occupational Insanity at the last minute.

No problem.

I could even take on a part time job while I was maniplating the court system, something relaxing and non-threatening, like rattlesnake herding or prison officer.

Then my other half mentioned TAX.

Oh Bugger! I hadn't taken that into consideration.

In NZ they tax your pension. To be fair, in most other countries they tax your pension.

Really makes sense doesn't it.

You earn wages all your life. You pay tax

You save for your old age, not wanting to be a burden on family or the state. They tax the savings interest

You invest to protect yourselves in old age. They tax it.

You finally finish the 45 years of toil, you don't ask the stsate for any help, you turn all your investements and savings into an income, and they tax it again.

Oh well, back to the chalkface for another 10 years, at least there's a comfort in knowing that everyone's in the same boat.

We all get taxed.


I discovered that there is ONE pension in these lovely Isles of the Long White Cloud that does not attract any tax.

Can you guess?


Is it Nuns, who have devoted their lives to doing good?


Is it someone who has struggled through life in a wheelchair?


Is it anyone who has done good with their lives, someone who has been productive and created wealth, somone who attracts the gratitude and respect of the nation?


It's Bloody MPs

Fact: The only pension not taxed is that given to our hard working and dedicated elected representatives.

Remember Animal Farm

Whose snouts are deepest in the trough?

If you don't believe me check out here it may be a biased political site, but after may searches it was one of the few I found that even mentioned the tax-free nature of our MPs pensions.

I wonder why it was so difficult to find?


  1. I think you're going to fit in well around here, Twisted Scottish Bastard.

  2. "Go out in a blaze of glory by thumping that obnoxious and incompetent basket cased they call a DP?"
    I'm guessing that's Ringo and not Brian because The Basket Guy is not a DP.

  3. If you thump the DP let me know,I am coming in to watch. In fact you could probably sell tickets and save the money for your pension

  4. Thanks for all those keen and mellifluous comments, bit I've rethought the matter, as there is a small but measurable chance that thumping him will effect my pension.
    If I'm going to have my revenge, it shouldn't cost me. Perhaps I'll subscribe (using his name and school email of course) to some of the more unsavoury sites and feeds specialisng in boys of school age?

  5. You are wicked, TwistedScottishGuy!

  6. Great post. That MP pension tax info was an eye-opener. Bastards! (Sorry). No I'm not , that was just a reference to the movie Roxanne. It galls me to know that those c***s, most of them bloody useless, get tax-free benefits like that.
    p.s Thump the music teacher - no-one will care and you might even get promoted.


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