Wednesday, 6 October 2010
I had to contact the FBI recently, as they had contacted me.
TSB: Hello, could I speak to Agent Sparrow please?
FBI: Yes Sir, could I be updated on the circumstances of your proposed communication Sir?
TSB: Well, she sort of contacted me. and said she wanted to "contact me ASAP"
FBI: I see Sir, could you give me your name, geographic location, political ideology and religion.
TSB: Ehhhh, She knows me as TSB, I'm in New Zealand, I'm a conservative and a sort of agnostic.
FBI: I see Sir. I can communicate from her active ongoing indications of action that she is on her way to New Zealand. To see you Mr. TSB
TSB: Oh Shit.
FBI: Pardon Sir, what was that comment?
TSB: Ohhhh, I said what a hit. Imagine, a real FBI agent coming down here to New Zealand to see little ole me.
FBI: Yes Sir, quite an honour I would suggest. Your pardon Sir, but your accent sounds not dissimilar to others I have heard, but not originating from the antipodes.
TSB: Yes, well I'm British.
FBI: Why Sir, why didn't you say, that puts a completely different complexionimitry on the situation. The Brits are our closest allies, not like those anti-American New Zealanders.
TSB: Yes I know, I used to be an officer in the British Army. You can check. My Army Number is ******
FBI: Yes Sir, I can confirm that. Your clearance is still Top Secret. Coda Alpha please.
FBI: Thank you Captain, do you have any thing else to report?
TSB: You bet. It's a hotbed of discontent down here.
Richard [of RBB] is constantly fiddling with Gloria
The Curmudgeon is such a bad-tempered old sod, that I'm sure he is an anarchist
Bin Hire is from the UAE ('nuff said)
Angry Jesus is a religious fanatic, as is Second
Basket Guy used to be a Hobbit
Elma is a deviant, as is Jessica
ManofErrors is so Liberal he's practically a Commie.
FBI: Is that the list complete Sir?
TSB: Just about. Fflur is so overworked as a teacher and a single parent, that she's practically lifeless. The problem is that they're all so paranoid that they use the cell system. I'm not really sure of their "real" identities.
FBI: Wow, they're using a cell system. That's much more serious than we thought. It's just as well that Agent Sparrow is heading down there.
TSB: Just as a matter of security, what does Agent Sparrow look like? So I can recognise her when she turns up.
TSB: Dear God......................... When is she arriving?