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Wednesday, 6 October 2010

GORSE, The Revenge

Revenge will be mine
Bugger.  Another thorn in my finger.  I'd had enough.

We had just returned from Logan Brown, a quite adequate meal with a lovely wine (2007 Trinity Hill 'The Gimblet' Merlot, Cabernet - Gimblett Gravels).
Beautiful day, gorgeous weather.  I thought I'd get back into weeding, and promptly ran another gorse thorn into my thumb.  Out with the Acriflavine and on with the thick gloves, then the thought of revenge filled my heart.(I know that thoughts fill the brain, not the heart, but as it is an emotion-based thought, using the heart as the analogy seems more appropriate - ed.)

16 Litres of High Pressure Death
Down to the garage command centre, get out the ultimate weapon, the MacGregor BackPack Sprayer.  16 litres of instant death.  I made up the Glyphosate and added the wetting agent.  Now we'd see who was boss (actually my beloved is the boss, but let me fantasise, OK?)
Out on the back of the section the bloody gorse had been clever.  It was using camouflage.  DO you have any idea how difficult it is to see a green gorse bush when everything else is green and brown?  It was getting smarter.
Spotted the first one, embedded inside an innocuous little bush.  The bastard, hiding amongst the innocent.

I should add here my criteria for deciding if a plant is to live or to die.
  1. If I or my beloved have planted it, it lives.
  2. If it is not strangling any of 1, AND it has no thorns, it lives.
  3. If it is not any of 1, and HAS thorns, it dies.
As I was now in what could officially known as DOC land, anything with thorns was on my hit list.  I had to accept the collateral damage.  If it was hiding amongst the innocent, then tough, they both got sprayed.
War is hell.
There were many plants which looked similar to young gorse sprouts, and got sprayed.  Look, if the stupid bloody plant is going to look similar to the enemy, then that's its choice.
Then I saw the biggest danger yet. 

The Enemy in Spawning Mode
Yellow Flowers.
One of the bastards had been pollinated. 

Gorse Fairies, Pollinating
This meant seeds, and further infiltration.  The sprayer was not the weapon of choice for this one.  The spray is thorough, but slow.  If I sprayed it, it would eventually die, but it would use the last of its devilish strength to spawn.  I had to go for the Rapid Response Force. 

30cc of Roaring Noisy Death-Dealing Vengeance
The 30cc Homelite Weed Eater, nothing could stand in the way of its 3000 rpm metal bladed vengeance.
It wouldn't start.
Bugger, out of petrol/oil mix.
Bugger, no more petrol in the backup jerrycan.
Quick trip to the local garage.
Quick trip back to home. (I'd forgotten that I don't normally carry my wallet in my (rather disreputable) gardening shorts. [image deleted due to extreme bad taste]
Collect wallet
Back to garage
Fill up with 7 litres of ammo petrol.
Back to command centre, make up oil mix, add to the Homelite.
Wouldn't start.
Remove spark plug, clean, replace.
Success, the spinning blades gleamed in the late afternoon sun. 
A few fluffy clouds drifted overhead. 
A good day to die.
The gorse put up little resistance, its flower studded corpse thudded into the earth and was put carefully straight into the wheely bin.  The remnants still in the ground were given a thorough saturating spray from the MacGregor.
I had won, this time.
It would be back.
I would be ready.
We must prevail.
Constant vigilance is the price of a gorse-free existence


  1. You should try shooting the gorse?

  2. Thanks Richard [of RBB], I already tried that, but 7.62mm isn't as effective as the trusty Glyphosate.
    More satisfying though.
    I looked in TradeMe for a flame thrower, but they only had those little wimpy flame gun things.

  3. Sir, please contact us at your earliest convenience. Now will do.
    Agent Sparrow FBI

  4. Piss off Sparrow, there are crows around here!

  5. Your case number is FBI/TSB #666 Please contact us at your earliest convenience.

  6. Fire is another option.


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