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Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Something Smells

Who on Earth came up with the idea of Aromatherapy?

They should be taken out and shot.

I know that some smells can evoke a memory with an associated emotion, but these tables of essential oils and their emotional reaction are just silly.

If I smell baby oil, I remember our lovely children when they were very small, and go all Awwww inside.  Mind you, I also remember the nappies and the muck inside them, which evokes another memory of the foul smells produced.

However, the claims made, that these smelly oils can cure diseases is just plain dangerous

Emotional Effects of Aromatherapy


To Ease:Try:
Aggressionbergamot, chamomile, juniper, lemon, marjoram, rosemary, ylang-ylang
AngerChamomile,Jasmine,Marjoram, Palma Rosa,Rose, Rosemary,Ylang-Ylang,
AnxietyNeroli, Bergamot,Chamomile, Frankincense, Geranium
(for balance), Lavender, Orange,
Patchouli, Rose (for confidence), Sandalwood.
Sweet Marjoram, Vetiver (for grounding)
DisappointmentBergamot, Cypress, Frankincense, Jasmine, Orange, Rose
FearCedarwood, Fennel, Ginger, Patchouli, Sandalwood, Thyme
GriefBergamot,Chamomile, Jasmine, Marjoram, Neroli,Rose
HysteriaChamomile,Lavender,Neroli,Orange, Tea Tree
ImpatienceChamomile, Clary, Frankincense, Lavender
IndecisionBasil, Clary, Cypress, Jasmine, Patchouli, Peppermint
JealousyJasmine, Rose
LonelinessBenzoin, Marjoram
Fatigue(emotional and mentalbasil, clary, cardamon, cinnamon
leaf or bark, Clove bud, coriander, Eucalyptus citriodora, ginger, grapefruit, helichrysum, jasmine, juniper, orange, palmarosa, peppermint,rosemary, thyme, vetiver, ylangylang
Fatigue (physical)Basil, elemi, ginger, lemon, lavender,orange, peppermint, rosemary
NervousnessChamomile, Clary, Coriander,Frankincense, Neroli, Orange, Vetiver
PanicChamomile, Clary, Geranium, Jasmine, Juniper,Lavender, Neroli, YlangYlang
SadnessBenzoin, Jasmine, Rose, Rosewood
ShockLavender, Neroli,Rose, Teatree
ShynessBlack Pepper, Ginger, Jasmine, Patchouli, Peppermint, Rose, Neroli, YlangYlang

I mean, just look at some of this crap.

Shyness can be cured by Black Pepper.No, no, no.  A good steak can be improved by Black Pepper, not bloody shyness.

And what about anger?

Feel the Burn

I'm sitting here sipping some of my Beloved's Chamomile Tea (Why are the women always the more gullible?), with steam gently wafting from my ears as my blood pressure and level of anger increases, and it's having no bloody effect at all.  I really hate the stuff, but I thought, in the interests of fairness that I should give it a go.  Waste of time.  Back to a triple strength mug of coffee.

And what the Hell is grounding?
The table states that Anxiety can be alleviated by Vetiver (for grounding).  Does it connect your soul to the Earth Spirit, to ground your electrical/spiritual charge?, or is it just another con game.

I mentioned crystals yesterday, and how one of my colleagues in a previous school liked to use them, but that was fairly harmless. 

However, I met a person here in NZ who wanted to use crystals for purifying water.  She wanted to ban all water treatment including chlorination, UV treatment and fluoridation of our water supplies and instead she would subject the waters to the "Healing Rays from a large crystal array"  She said the water would then be charged with wellness and would substantially improve the health of all New Zealanders.

She got a bit upset when I started to giggle.

She got even more upset when I said that the only thing that would increase would be the number of cases of diarrhoea and parasite infestation.  She stomped off in the huff, saying I had no soul at all.

She was probably correct.  About the lack of soul I mean, not her crazy water purification idea.  How the f*ck can you fill water with wellness?  Sometimes I almost despair of people's gullibility and basic lack of scientific knowledge.

Here's an absolutely guaranteed method of using plants to cause a definite physical and emotional change.

Select about 20-30 robust nettle plants about a metre high. (Thistle plants can be used, but down here in sunny NZ, the thistles don't often grow to a suitable length, although you could import them from Bonnie Scotland)
Carefully wash the leaves, (wear gloves to protect your fingers)
Only use cold, pure stream water.
Don't use any soaps or detergents in the cleaning process
Dry the stalks carefully in gentle sunlight for about 2-3 hours.
Tie the stalks together at the base.  (I would suggest using an organic hemp or twine)
Put about 3 litres of vinegar in a large bowl.  Any type of vinegar will do, probably the cheaper the better.
Now dip the heads of the nettles briefly into the vinegar, while thinking pure thoughts.
Shake briefly to dislodge excess liquid and now quickly use the stalks to....


The vinegar soaked leaves are guaranteed to raise bloody weals and will produce a mix of EXTREME ANXIETY, FEAR and PAIN in the subject.

The user however, will feel great SATISFACTION and ENJOYMENT from the process.

Have fun.


  1. I'm with you on camomile tea....however who can live without lavendar oil!!!

  2. Young at Heart: Tea, I agree, no. Lavendar oil, definitely no. What is G*ds name is it used for? Lubricating Lavendars?

  3. Dear Twisted, Clearly you are a complete pragmatist. There are people however who would prefer a little magic in their lives and if it comes from burning a little essential oils in their living room who is to mind? Rather worrying about the water lady - possibly she should spend some time in Africa where people die of typhoid and other water borne diseases. Give that tea a miss and have a bug destroying glass of whiskey! Lindaxxx

  4. Nothing beats a soak in a hot bath or spa with a few drops of essential oils to ease your aches, pains and troubles away. Best enjoyd b candle light. Time you embraced the New Age TSB.

  5. Aromatherapy's like God TSB. You have to have FAITH for it to work. So one's an imaginary frend and the other is an imaginary medicine.

    I do believe these things may help relax you or whatever but a real cure - come on!

    If anything the relaxation helps the body repair itself.

    Most of this holistic nonsense is just expensive guff and exists only for the benefit of those who sell the stuff.

  6. Dear Linda in Chile: No, I'm afraid i disagree. I'm not a complete pragmatist, I'm an absolute realist. Completely, totaly 100% agree with the bug destroying glass of whiskey. At least I know I'm not going to succumb to worms or parasites. Cirrhosis possibly, but never worms.

    Dear Valley Girl: I just knew someone was going to mention candles. Hell's Teeth, we're living in the 21st bloody Century, so why on earth would anyone want to use candles. They stink and leave nasty deposits. New Age, don't give me New Bloody AGE *Starts frothing ever so genteely from corners of mouth* New BLOODY AGE, give me strength. What's so New Age about bloody candles. More like middle ages, or even *laughs insanely into back of cupped hand* Dark Ages hahahahahaha *cough*

    Sorry, but no. Rationality; always. Sentiment; when it cannot be ignored. Mushybrains; NEVER

  7. Alistair: Spot on. It's all about taking money from the gullible, bless their bleeding hearts and sweet little cotton socks.

  8. I am going to mix up all those herbs and carry them around in a little sachet, and then I will be superwoman.

  9. Richard [of RBB]: Thank you. A change is as good as a rest.

    Patience: If you carry all of those herbs and essences around together, you're going to be completely over-emotionalised, and will probably have to add an anti-psychotic to stop all your emotional personalities from splitting up. Might make a good barbeque marinade though.

    TC: I'm with you Dude

  10. TSB - With regards to stinky stuff - What are your thoughts then on Incense? I went to an Indian funeral recently and they had the stuff
    everywhere! It was the strangest funeral I have ever been too. Open casket and we all had to get up and say a farewell to the deceased by placing flower petals in their casket. A real learning experience on cultural diversity. During the entire service a girl stood up the front taking photos of the whole service and everyone saying their personal goodbyes. Very creepy, but it helped the Mother grieve. Then the mourners were invisted up to the crematorium to watch the deceased be placed in the furnace and watch them burn to a crisp. No thanks not for me. I skipped that part. It was all a bit much for me so I went home and had a few glasses of wine and reflected about the different ways we grieve as humans.

  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  12. I'm going to go down to Birmingham where it's all kicking off and offer them some essence of ylang-ylang. That'll work.

  13. I think if we all went back to raw milk these problems would be resolved:)

  14. I am one who likes a little magic in my life - although I tend not to buy into aromatherapy. I do think that smells can affect your mood, but not sure whether they can alleviate your depression any more than a bottle of Chanel No 5.

    Have not been able to get into your blog for AGES. *looks around* what's been happenin'?

    Ali x

  15. I know what will wake him up.
    I'll open that bottle of 1940 Macallan and describe its colour, aroma and taste.

  16. Dear Twisted, You have forced me to take drastic measures: I shall have to mention the Rugby! I shall have to mention that the Australians are now Tri-Nation Champions in Perpetuity! One grumpy salvo is all I ask otherwise we will all start to worry that you are not well. Lindaxxx


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