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Monday, 1 October 2012

A Big List

I kid you not.  The girl in the bikini has a list of new domain names written on her for an auction.
The company is GoDaddy

I've got a big list of things I must do today.

Firstly, I have to get up at 5:33am to:

A. Relieve the pressure on my no-longer-so-elastic bladder

B. Drive my son down to the railway station so he can get into work on time.  This has become necessary since the story of TSB Ends up in Court(3), as m'son no longer has transport of his own.  Why is it that the parents always have to be available to help fix the silly mistakes of the offspring?

Then I get to go back to bed.
*Huge Gloat*

This is the first day of a two week holiday. 

Teachers get slagged off repeatedly by the press, the government, the parents, the teaching council, local Iwi, and Uncle Tom Cobley and all.  But I don't care because

I HAVE TWO WEEKS OFF.

Secondly, I will be getting up at around 9 to fix myself one of my holiday breakfasts.  There are two types of holiday breakfast


Let's call them Menu A and Menu B.

Menu A consists of one thin slice of bread, lightly toasted, with a scraping of jam or possibly marmite, washed down by a cup of weak, sugarless and milkless tea.
Menu A

Menu B consists of one slice of fried bread, two hash browns, 4 rashers of smoked back bacon, 2 pork sausages, 3 scrambled eggs (with extra butter and cream in the mix) two slices of black pudding, 2 fried tomatoes, a handful of fried mushrooms (in butter).  This is accompanied by two slices of thickly buttered toast and mugs of strong tea.  But no sugar, I've got to watch my health.

Menu B

The factors which decide which menu will be available are easily explained.

Is my beloved at home or not.

Guess which Menu is "Beloved Approved ®"?  Go on, have a wild stab in the dark.

Today it's going to be Menu B, so after eating, and of course the cleaning and tidying up to forensic standards, I'm going back to bed with a little glass of what the French would call a "petit digestif" and a good book, followed by a little nap to let the food properly digest.

I'll get up for a light lunch about 1 o'clock,  and as the sun is now officially "over the yardarm" I'll have a couple of glasses of wine with a clear conscience.


Then of course it's time for the post-lunch afternoon laze/read on the garden lounger, ensuring I get enough sunlight to keep up my vitamin D, and plenty of liquids to ward of dehydration. 


My Beloved will be getting back from her coven meetings about 5 o'clock, so I'll scatter a few dozen examples of my students' work on the dining table, with an artistically placed red pen on top.

I'll put on my usual expression which can be described as "The poor bloody martyr has been slaving over this huge pile of marking since dawn" which will get me a little peck on the cheek, an offer of a little glass of vino as a pick-me-up and an instruction to lie down until dinner is ready.

A pleasant evening of reading books, family conversation and intermittent (and highly selective) TV viewing will keep me occupied until an early bedtime with a mug of Horlicks and another good book.

Before I conclude this little post, a word on our selective TV viewing.  In our family, anyone can watch anything they wish, with a simple majority vote for any differences in priorities, with one exception.  NO SO-CALLED REALITY SHOWS. EVER.

Says it all really.  Poor bastard.

When I come home from work (and I can assure you that teaching or even trying to teach up to 150 kids in a day, and usually followed by inane (and often insane) committee meetings on every f*cking subject under the sun, is work.) I want to have my over-stressed consciousness relaxed by some form of entertainment, which decidedly is not watching a bunch of hyper-egotistical, narcissistic, exhibitionists display their psychoses, neuroses and quite often various body parts to all and sundry.

I want a plot.

I want professional actors.

I want, if at all possible, a happy ending.  (A little bit of tastefully exposed taut female flesh is looked on as a bonus)

I definitely don't want to watch a semi-human bricklayer called "Wayne" exhibiting his uneducated prejudices and discussing his hemorrhoids while trying to get his hand down the front of "Traci's" dress and/or panties.

So no reality TV.

I am quite willing to repeat this daily list for the next two weeks, with the added bonus of my beloved leaving for the UK in the second week for a 9 week trip.  She's off to bring comfort and support to my lovely daughter who should be adding a new member to the family in about 4 weeks.

But this means that I've got 9 weeks of Menu B.

I hope I can survive.


54 comments:

  1. How can you call that a breakfast? You forgot the baked beans to bulk it out...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry Shackleford, don't forget the panty liner episode, I've really got to watch the amount of fibre consumed, plus of course the methane production index.

      Delete
    2. You've already got eggs in the mix. Surely, in for a penny, in for a pound?

      Delete
    3. Nope, eggs I can cope with, they actually act as a binding agent, but beans are in a class of their own. Think Poison gas Factories.

      Delete
  2. I felt so plebeian--I had to Google black pudding to see what it was. Your breakfast looks yummy, but I'd switch THAT for pork sausage--or maybe a country fried steak with gravy.

    I agree with you--reality shows SUCK!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean tou DON'T have black pudding in the US?

      Meat of any kind is good.
      Fried meat is better.
      Gravy is always a bonus.

      Thanks for the support. Maybe we could get some sort of law or bomb produced.

      Delete
    2. Black Pudding is nicer than it sounds. But not so nice that I wouldn't swap it for extra bacon instead.

      Delete
    3. It's a close run thing, but black pudding WITH bacon is El Supremo.

      Delete
    4. You've not lived till you've had proper black pudding. We make the best in the world here in Lancahire. I tried to send TSB some once but I got an email from someone in the NZ Customs and Black Pudding Department saying they wouldn't allow it in.

      Delete
    5. I must admit, If I couldn't have the best Black Pudding (which is actally made in Stornoway) I would certainly go for the stuff from Lancashire.

      I remember looby trying to get it past our biosecurity.

      Oh boy do I remember. being woken at 6am by somebody accusing you of trying to cause an anthrax outbreak is not easily forgotten. But I forgive you because your heart is in the right place.

      Delete
  3. Afternoon TSB. I like holidays a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ah, so you must be past the age where one uses one's holiday breaks to visit exotic and culturally stimulating places, which in your case would be Australia. I agree with you about reality TV, of course, although it might be useful if you need something to help you nod off. I believe you can get The Professionals on DVD, which ought to be your cup of tea, with the good guys always winning and Gordon Jackson playing the school master.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry GB, but how on earth can you use the phrase "culturally stimulating" and Australia in the same sentence, or even phrase or paragraph.

      The Professioanls, now that's my type of show, except Brodie and the other one were just too PC (and effeminate) for my taste.

      Delete
    2. ha! my brother-in-law would comment to this one as "when an NZ'lander moves to Australia ... both country IQs go up"

      Delete
  5. Talking of hiding evidence of your daily routine from your beloved, I find that if I want my husband to think I've been busy doing the housework, I plug the hoover in somewhere visible and throw a tea-towel over my shoulder. I can read and mess about on the computer, knowing if he pops home I can look instantly frazzled.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, Trish, you are obviously a person of great taste and extreme deviousness. Well done.

      But don't you think that actually plugging in the hoover is a bit OTT?

      Funnily enough, every time I return home, I find my Beloved lying, snoring on the chaise-longue, and she jumps up and says" Oh, I've just this minute sat down"

      Odd coincidence.

      Delete
  6. That breakfast sounds good, although I'd only be able to eat half of it before exploding. My own breakfast consists of 2 cups of STONG coffee with four sugars in each. That's it.

    Oh dear Lord, reality TV gets on my nerves so much! I can't understand why people buy into it. That book cover pic "how to get on reality tv", is that real? If so, we may be seeing signs of the end times approaching.
    And I hope you don't mind me using that "just say no" picture at some point in the future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strong coffee is an abslute essential to modern life. I did at one point imbibe between 6 and 8 quadruple strength(instant)coffees per day.

      I had to stop though. My writing was getting so shaky the kids couldn't read it off of the whiteboard.

      The book cover is sadly real.

      Somewhere some poor bastard, desperate to have his pitiful 60 seconds of fame is studying this piece of literary crime, in order to pass an audition. An audition probably controlled by a couple of pimply youths and a nymphomaniac companion.

      Please feel free to use the pic. I nicked it from somebody else anyway. Stuff ©

      Delete
  7. I vote Menu B... strongly!
    I'm not trying to suck up or anything.. (I'll leave this shiny red apple on your desk sir) but I have to agree completely with your overview on 'Reality' TV..utter crap. Try repeating that rubbish in a few years. At this rate we'll still be watching 'I dream of Genie', 'Gentle Ben' and 'F-troop' for bloody ever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Menu B always has my vote. And my record cholesterol level.

      I haven't seen F-Troop for years and it's all a bit vague, but I vividly remember Dream of Genie, Bewitched, Hopalong Cassidy, Supercar, Fireball XL5 and absolute best of all, COMBAT.

      Delete
    2. Ah yes, some oldies there TSB. Unfortunately the Australian Government has gone all 'nanny state' on us and a few of those programs and most old cartoons have been banned here because they're either Racist, Sexist or some other kind of -ist.

      Delete
    3. Aussies as a nanny state?

      I find that hard to believe, you bunch of bludgers are the most independant group of bloody-minded, stubborn, yet kindly sods on the face of this earth.

      Delete
    4. Oh, I forgot to add most foul-mouthed as well.

      Delete
    5. I cant argue against any of that.. Foul mouthed, Hmm, Yes but we've sculpted the swear words to fit nicely into our language for descriptive purposes only you understand.

      Delete
    6. I know and agree. As a young adult, somebody gave me "Bazza McKenzie" to read, and I tried to memorise all of the insults and descriptive phrases endemic in the Aussie language.

      Magic.

      Delete
  8. Menu B is the far superior in every way!
    Today I felt like I was in a reality show. Mid-afternoon I spotted a minor celebrity, Richard (of RBB 1, 2 &3) wandering past Countdown just like regular folk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If this was a democracy (which it's not( then it looks like menu b is a winner.

      *Gasp* You saw Richard [of RBB 1, 2 & 3]?

      Wow. Did you speak to him?
      Did you touch him?
      Does he walk on water?

      Delete
    2. Good Old Richard of RBB, well done. All regular folk should wander past Countdown (100% Aussi owned) and go instead to New World or Pak n Save (100% Kiwi owned)

      Delete
    3. Yes, but, the New World in Nuova Lazio is being closed down.

      Anyway, Richard was probsbly still in a daze from the last strenuous week at school, plus an excess of Chardonnay last night.

      Delete
  9. What an absolutely perfect day that sounds. I've had a highly unsatisfactory breakfast this morning and that lovely picture makes me want to go out and buy the stuff and start all over again.

    Silly question--sonny jim couldn't get a bus or fork out for a taxi from his own money could he? He's fucked it up, he should pay to get himself out of it. Maybe it's not as straightforward as that though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a great day, and I am looking forward to the series of repeats for the foreseeable future.

      You are correct about sonny jim, but it's also not completely straightforward. I do feel that he should suffer a bit for his silliness and he does. Most days he walks home from our local train station (1.8 km)and some days he walks down. If it's pouring with rain, or if he has to transport his very weighty music gear, then I offer trasnport, otherwise he walks.

      Delete
  10. Surely you mean 9 weeks of menu A, in your Beloved's absence?
    Sounds like a perfect day to me.
    When my Son comes home from work for lunch in an hour, I'll suddenly be very busy; hanging out washing, vacuuming or anything other than reading and commenting on Blogs!
    Oh well, it's Monday, that's my official day off (ish).
    Enjoy your break, you so deserve it ;-) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, no dear, MENU B. Menu A is fit only for putting on the brd table, and even then the little birdies will probably ignore it.

      You get a day off? *Gasp* I thought Mums never got a day off unless it was Mothering Sunday.

      Thansk for the last bit, I fully intend to enjoy my break, girding my loins for the return to the little piece of hell we know as Nuova Lazio High School.

      Delete
    2. OK, got yer . . . I presumed, wrongly, that you relied on your Beloved to cook the breakfast ;-)
      Sorry, I underestimated you.

      Delete
    3. Don't worry.

      Lots of people underestimate me.

      Delete
  11. Mmmmm, black pudding. I like mine over cooked and a bit crunchy on the edges please. Nice big mug of tea with mine. I'll be over for brekky tomorrow morning - no shrooms please :-)
    Di
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok Di, I'll take your portions of mushrooms for myself, and you can have an extra slice of black pudding.

      I like mine done the same way you describe, nice and crunchy around the edges, but with just a hint of moist crumbliness in the centre. The tea is essential, to wash down all the congealed fat.

      See you about 9?

      Delete
  12. Is your son appreciative of your sacrifice? Contrite about what he's putting you though? Or does he feel entitled to a ride at 5.33?

    How did teachers turn into the enemy? How did that happen?! They're not the enemy! Here in the U.S. it happened via the conservative party attacking the unions -- especially the teacher's union.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The boy is appreciative, especially as I remind him on a weekly basis about WHY Dad has to sometimes get up so early because of his f*ck ups. As I mentioned to looby, he doesn't always get a lift. It's dependant on weather and the weight of his gear needing transport.

      I don't know when teachers became the enemy. We always used to hold the respect of the community, but no longer. The pay is slipping as well. Our union is a strange organisation. The dues are the highest of any union I've been in, and they seem more concerned with pedagogical practice than working conditions and pay.

      Delete
  13. If you can sunbathe where I am today, you are a better human being than I am. It's pissing it down. The forecast says this will be followed by light rain. Actually I'm on the cup of weak tea regime today too. But I did have some excellent black pudding in Spain and I never knew they even made the stuff there. At least I assume it was black pudding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to hear about your weather. It's early spring here, but the temperature yesterday hit 20ºC, with blue skies and fluffy clouds.

      I remember seeing Spanish (and Portugese) black pudding on TV, but I've never actually tried it.
      I too hope it was black pudding you tried and not something more exotic, like air-dried donkey dong.

      Delete
  14. Proper full English breakfast ... I just don't understand the use of veggies in this? The appearance of health?

    Awhile back my husband had not realized that his play station activity was posting to his Facebook. So I kept seeing these posts pop up that he had won some battle ... completely busted! No amount of dish towels over the shoulder or Hoover's could fix that one.

    Reality TV. Entertainment should be an escape from reality .... not someone else's 'stream of consciousness' reality. For that kind of blathering I can watch paint dry or pick up a twitter feed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Veggies?
      What veggies?
      If you're refering to the fried tomatoes, I don't really consider them veggies.

      Poor hubby, busted. Wait. A grown man not only playing with a playstation, BUT also on facebook?

      I do believe he may need a testosterone suppliment. I would usggest giving hime extra beer at breakfast...works for me.

      Completely agree about the reality TV. Watching paint dry is more preferable. Twitter? A 140 character abomination.

      Delete
  15. Menu B looks quite tasty. I'll have some as well, please.

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Certainly Madam.

      Would you like it served by waitpersons dressed in sequins?
      And perhaps a little Buck's Fizz to help wash it down?

      Delete
  16. Enjoy your holiday! My daughter's boyfriend, who is from South Africa, made us a breakfast with fried tomatoes. I'd never had them before. We always eat them raw or in sauce.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jen, I'm looking forward to a nice long and relaxing break.

      I thought fried tomatoes were quite popular in the US. Didn't they make a film called "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe"?

      BTW, Did you enjoy them?

      Delete
  17. Now that is the kind of bodyguard I need...

    Why would anyone want to be on reality TV! Worse are the problem chat shows - we have one here Jeremy Kyle - if you have never seen this think yourself lucky! I've seen some minutes of it, my daughter watches it when not in school - it is unbelievably bad! Troop out completely dysfunctional families, couples etc. and then they just expose their failings on national TV. Barking!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hiya Furtheron, I think that's the kind of bodyguard which should be available on the NHS.

      I've not seen that Jeremy Kyle, but I think I get your drift. My Beloved watches Judge Judy and that stupid Oprah...what some people will do to get on TV is unbelievable.

      Delete
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