Absolute Power

Corrupts.

Great days ahead in Nuova Lazio High School.

All of the other Deputy Principals have buggered off flown off to Rotavagas ( a Kiwi in-joke referring to the fleshpots of Rotorua and Taupo) for a conference of most of the Deputy Principals from all over New Zealand. 

I was not invited.

Just as well, because if invited I wouldn't have gone.

Can you imagine the waves of boredom washing over the poor buggers as one speaker after another gave them the straight poop, the true quill, the pure water, of the distilled wisdom of the Professional Educators of this country.

If you have not worked in Education, then you probably don't realise that EDUCATION is far too important a matter to be left in the uncouth hands of the poor buggers who actually do all the bloody teaching.

There is a hierarchy of sorts.  Not unlike Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Dear God, the unmitigated crap we learn/get pumped into us at Teacher Training College).

This Hierarchy is also pyramidal, and at the top we have the Politicians.

These are the jokers who (attempt to) run the country.  Their last experience of education was probably when they got thrown out of their school as a spotty teenager for doing something completely innocuous like setting fire to a girl's hair, or bringing a 3 foot machete to school to "get your own back first" or even stringing a length of piano wire across a doorway at shin height to "see what funny thing happens" ** So when they get the power (by whatever nefarious means) to control schools, they come into it with little knowledge and a hatred/fear of teachers.

Do what I say, even though I know nothing about anything.

Then we have the Educationalists.

There is a special Circle of Hell for these bastards. (If Hell exists.  I think not. But it is a  useful metaphor)  This Circle, which in true Dante Alighieri style I will name Circle 8a, The Circle of Preposterous And Harmful Ideas, is jammed between Heresy and Fraud.

These buggers haven't been in front of a class for years, and in some cases, never.  Can you actually believe that?  What other bloody profession would allow themselves to be told what to do by a bunch of ivory-tower academics who have no practical experience in their speciality?

The blind leading the blind?

In the years I've been teaching, this bunch if interfering busybodies have introduced "new" ideas and concepts in a continuous stream, quite often reversing their advice every few years as "new" evidence comes to light. I try my best to ignore the piles of crap that they try to shovel into us, but it does get depressing, seeing all of this wasted effort.

Then there's the Ministry of Education.  These parasites are told by their Minister to set the priorities in schools around the country.

Then there's the Press.  Their attitude can be summarised by "It's all the fault of the teachers"  plus of course all of the smutty stuff like: "Male teacher buggers 150 boys in a Catholic School" or "My Biology Teacher really showed me how reproduction works, says Traci, 17, from Takapuna"

Then there's the parents.  To be fair, most don't try to interfere with what we teach, as long as we keep their little darlings off the streets, off the weed and off each other.  But many expect us to teach the kids how to behave, how to be polite and how not to get caught.  Sometimes I think we should be offering a special course on "How to survive Police interrogation without grassing up your mates, especially Big Johnny who is 2.2 metres tall, built like a brick sh*t house and who will extract his revenge from Dad.  With blood"

Right you little b*stard, who called me a poof?

Then there's the community at large, who just want the kids kept in cages or shot.  Dealer's choice. (And I don't mean Big Johnny, the local entrepreneur of certain substances.)

Then finally there's us.  The Few, the Mugs, the thin chalk line between civilisation and barbarism. We just want to be able to do our basic job, which is to teach the kids in the best way for them, not according to whatever hair-brained theory that is the flavour of the moment.

But I digress.

I like to digress.

I also like to be in charge (in a nice way of course) and that's what is happening at the moment.

All the other DPs are away, and the Principal told me this morning that he's going to the Ministry (probably for another re-education and mind washing session, as I've noticed that he always comes back from them with a glazed and unfocused expression) and I'm going to be in charge.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I've got my lists all ready.

These were on my list.

And not only (to misquote Ko-Ko) will they not be missed, if I manage to get rid of them, spontaneous applause will break out amongst the staff.

I might miss these ones though.

You naughty, naughty girls....Go to my office.

** Please note, all of these incidents have happened in NLHS in the last year.