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Sunday, 20 April 2014

Sleep and Longing

We survived!

Eleven weeks of trauma at Nuova Lazio High School, but we survived.


Some of us are definitely battle-weary, carrying wounds to the psyche (and a couple to the flesh) which will take most of the two week break to heal.

The list of misdemeanours and major incidents would take far too long to list in detail, but here's a quick summary.

Cannabis-related incidents 26

We like to start them early

Tobacco-related incidents 114 (we don't really do to much to the little nicotine-addicted scrotes UNLESS they do the unthinkable, and smoke in the toilets )

Uniform-related incidents (minor) 322

What the School Board think our kids look like.


A bit more like reality

More like my fantasy idea of uniform
Uniform-related incidents (major) 78 (Major is defined as refusal to hand over the offending item to a teacher on request.  The major item is a baseball cap, in non-uniform style.  Most of us keep a handy sachet of strong disinfectant wipes in a vain attempt to remove any disease-carrying organisms from our hands when we receive these items.. Try and imagine what they look/smell like after a couple of years of semi-continuous use.  Even Dettol-soaked wipes don't eradicate the psychological damage of actually touching these abominations.  It lives and haunts within us for years)

The first term's hat collection.  Anybody got a match and about 5000 gallons of Dettol?


Student hitting student incidents 16

Student hitting Teacher incidents 4

Teacher hitting student incidents 1 (Whilst normally a chargeable offence, probably leading to suspension/dismissal, this one was let go, as the student involved and his family said that he deserved it, for calling the teacher a f*cking c*nt and trying to kick the teacher in the nuts.  Unfortunately, he picked on a bloke who was in the process of bulking-up for a semi-professional Rugby team and who'd been having a bad day.  He had the little scrote down on the ground with a dislocated shoulder in about 2 seconds)

Serves you right, you little b*stard.


I cannot even list the cases of known or suspected sexual abuse of students in their home environments, because it's really just to sad to even contemplate, and I really want to keep them completely anonymous, for their own sake.

So after that lot, PLUS of course trying to keep the bloody staff in some semblance of professional behaviour ( I mean to say...taking a day off because your HAMSTER is ill?) I was tired.

You want a day off for WHAT?



I was enjoying a deep sleep, engulfed in a Beloved-scented duvet, having a Beloved-oriented fantasy when something woke me up.
No, it wasn't my Beloved having a morning grope, it was some f*cking music coming in our open bedroom window.

I immediately blamed thought it was m'son, who has his bedroom immediately below ours, but the sound was wrong somehow.  It was too distant, with that echoing quality that indicated it's coming from some distance away.  Then the music was followed by a voice, speaking in the local nasal Kiwi accent.  I couldn't make out the words, but I recognised the format.

It was a public announcement through a PA system.  I've sat through too many such occasions at NLHS (including what we laughingly call "Sports Day" to mistake the sound.

I normally wouldn't be too bothered about this normally, but when I checked my alarm clock (blessedly with the alarm switched off because I WAS ON HOLIDAY) it showed 7:15 am.

What kind of deranged idiot uses music and a PA system at that time in the morning?



I was about to (reluctantly) drag myself out of bed to find the b*stard involved and possibly give her (because the voice definitely had the unmistakable shrill overtones of a person of the female gender) a good shoeing, when the (if they do exist) Gods of Aotearoa weighed in.

The amplified voice began to be obscured by the pitter-patter of raindrops, and then became completely hidden by the sound of an absolute deluge.  I could now hear nothing but the sound of gallons of water bouncing of our metal roof and pouring from the gutters.



I returned to the Duvet and my Beloved-based fantasies, secure in the knowledge that the event which had disturbed me well-earned rest was being washed right down the gurgler.

I hope the b*stards drowned like water-logged rats down a sewer.

Serves you right, you b*stards, LET ME SLEEP



I also mentioned Longing in the title.  This has nothing to do with my Beloved or any form of fantasy.

It's all about my computer.

My main desktop computer (an HP of considerable power) spat the dummy two weeks ago, and refused to produce any sort of video signal, so I had to send it (under warrant) to the computer hospital (somewhere I am now thinking in Asia, because 2 weeks just to replace a video card is far too long for a local repair/replacement.)

My blogging has been severely curtailed, as my vast library of nauseating and pulchritudinous images has gone with my HP's hard disk, and I've been reduced to using the family's spare laptop.

I loath laptops.

Best kind of laptop

They are underpowered, their keyboards are too small and wrongly laid out, the touch-pad control for the GUI pointer/cursor is not designed for either continual use or bloke's finger dimensions, and the display often leaves much to be desired, both in size and resolution.

But eventually, my longing to blog, outweighed my hatred of the f*cking laptop.  With some changes.

As I type this, I've got my wireless mouse plugged in, my keyboard plugged in, and my regular monitor happily showing a much improved resolution and clarity.



It's better than nothing but I miss my HP.

43 comments:

  1. I hate laptops too, I also find theem unergonomic and ill-suited tomany computer functions. I have inherited my daughter's I-Phone 4 and am growing to really like it. SHe wanted me to have it as a trainer version for an I-Pad bless her, though she hasn't offered to buy me one yet even though she's gone off to the land of OZ to work and live. Her employers they keep paying her more money to stay there. She will never come home now. Sob. But I may get an I-Pad from her me hope perhaps before Christmas now I'm embracing this newer tech. My laptop rots away in the hidden depths of my wardrobe. It's only really any good now for showing DVDs to students at the end of term. I've hardly ever used it. What a waste.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laptops are Ok when you HAVE to have a portable computer, but I've now also got an Android tablet, which perform all the basic operations. And it's getting more and more difficult to get a proper high-end desktop computer. I might have to go back to my old habit of making my own.

      Delete
    2. I hear you. Know many who do have resorted to this.

      Delete
    3. I actually find it quite fun making my own

      Delete
  2. Yes I too have two lap tops that died prematurely and would not wish them back. The tablet has all the power but like changing from a 5% lager to a 1.5% low ... I'm not sure I'm ready!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Give your power to the dark side. Of course your tablet is ready. Just remember to add plenty of condensed milk before you bring it to the boil.

      Delete
  3. We really need a new desktop too. Have been using a laptop for too long now, getting used to attached mouse and keyboard (I spilled a whole vodka and orange on the original keyboard) which make the thing look like a desktop but it isn't.
    So what do you do with all the baseball caps? Is there an amnesty at the end of the year?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not every desktop computer needs to be covered in vodka and orange. Mine's covered in chip fragments.

      We have a bonfire. It's a bit dangerous, the toxic fumes are fierce.

      Delete
  4. I think if you call a teacher a fucking cunt you should count yourself lucky with a dislocated shoulder. I don't really that option as a 9st arts graduate but well done the future rugby player.

    Did you ever find out what idiotic organisation was holding some sort of event needing a PA at 7.30am?

    I quite like my laptop -- it's four years old and I've replaced almost everything on it, but the screen brightness is designed for someone who works in a cellar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not all about weight, although it does help, it's attitude and technique.
      And no, I never found out which bloody organisation was using the loudpeakers. I asked around but nobody was saying...I suspect a conspiracy.

      I'm impressed, usually most bits of a laptop can't be changed over without considerable expense.

      Delete
    2. If it occurred on Good Friday morning I suspect some church outfit. From memory a local church re-enacts Jesus riding a donkey around Silverstream and they end up at the New World supermarket carpark and hang around for awhile with the followers.

      Delete
    3. Wow...impressed by your superior local knowledge. But isn't it a bit nasty to actually hang the donkey?

      Delete
    4. Eeyore Eeyore!

      Of course my local knowledge is superior to yours! I've was born and raised in these parts some fifty two years ago. I know what is going on. I also have some excellent spies around too, particularly my mother-in-law! (Nosey old bag that she is).

      Delete
  5. I tried my brother's new Apple mac pro recently and it really is an astounding machine, as desk tops go. https://www.apple.com/mac-pro/performance/?cid=wwa-us-kwm-mac-com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've always been a PC fan, and all my software is windows based, but I'll have a look.

      No one can call me bigoted or close-minded.

      Well actually they have, but they're no longer around to repeat their comment. I have my ways.

      Delete
  6. There's a fair amount of anti-rodent racism in this post, but what really surprises me is your lack of curiosity. Didn't you want to discover the identity of the noisy bint who work you up in the morning?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't like rats... live with it.
      I find that a 10% KCN solution dripped on cheese does the job very nicely.

      I would like to fond out who it was but my unceasing detective work has already discovered the venue (a mate told me) so retribution is not far off.

      Delete
  7. I'm right there by you on the Laptop thing, theyre crap, but it seems the desktop PC is on the way out, sales are down and the kids buy nothing but Lappy's and Smart Phones. (stupid, delusional fools)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, but all kids are as thick as sh*t. It's traditional. Remember our generation's fixation on the Commodore, the Sinclair and even the drainpipe jeans?

      Delete
    2. Too late. The evidence is all out there.
      Small donations in brown envelopes would be greatly appreciated.
      Silence is golden.

      Delete
  8. Hello,Bastard,
    Thank you for your visit and kind comment. One of my English teacher is from NZ. I have heard from him how beautiful New Zea land is!
    Have a good day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for visiting Tomoko. I wonder if I know your teacher, as I am teacher as well. NZ is beautiful, but I believe it lacks the elegance that you can find in Japan.

      Delete
  9. Hmm this blog appears to be mad, bad and dangerous to know.
    Probably someone originating in Leith.
    Sadly I feel at home here, and that's worrying.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Adullamite (or whoever) LEITH?

      Wash your mouth out. Glasgow, boy, that's where I grew up.
      I do have a slightly odd way of looking at the world, but al viewpoints are welcome here, just as long as you are prepared to get the p*ss taken on a semi-regular basis.

      Delete
  10. What happened to those girl's stomachs? Why are they so flat and tight? Is something wrong with them? I'm not familiar with that condition.

    If you hate laptops, I'd like to know your politics regarding smart phones. The world of electronics is shrinking, my friend. You should see what I'm typing this on right now. It'd make your flesh crawl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know it may well be something that you poor Yanks are not familiar with, but it's called "being slim".
      I believe it's a pathological condition used to describe those who say "NO" to the question "Do you want to Supersize that" In extreme cases, it's typified by the addition of "F*ck off, give me what I f*cking ordered you pimply-faced Novovirus-carrying Angel of Death"

      Actually, I quite like smartphones; for making phone calls and txt msges. These days my flesh crawls quite easily. All you have to say is Justin bloody Biever and it doesn't just crawl, it bloody gallops.

      Delete
  11. I don't have much to add to the conversation here, other than to say that my purpose today will be to work the term "little nicotine-addicted scrotes" into conversation.

    The day is ripe with promise.

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi again Pearl,
      welcome back. It's always lovely to hear from you. If you can use the expression "little nicotine-addicted scrotes" in conversation without being taken away by the PC Police, then I salute you.

      After you are removed by the PC bastards don't forget. We never met.

      Capisce?

      Delete
  12. I happen to love laptops, but I travel far more than I'd like to and commute a ridiculous amount. My laptop is always with me. that said, I dock it at the office and use a 'big girl's' keyboard and screen.

    I would be very interested to hear your opinion (blog rant) on a Manhattan corporate office ... seems that there would be an exponential amount of morons to observe v. school kids. while they believe they are 'all grown up' they clearly are not (mentally) matured. and there are far too many of them to make any dent on the issue at hand

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion; even if it's wrong.
      Actually you've pinpointed the only real use for a laptop, as a mobile device for people on the move. but keeping it as the main device in a home is just plain nuts. Our wee machine only lasts for 4 hours on a charge, which is really pathetic.

      Good idea for a rant. I haven't had one for a while, but my own experience of an office based culture is about 20 years out-of-date, and I would imagine a Manhattan based office would be way cooler than Aberdeen.

      I'll give it a go though. Sometime.

      Delete
  13. oh no, I really doubt a Manhattan-based office would be 'cooler' ...let me know when you're in town. I'll give you a tour and you can be the judge. And I can have a wealth of hilarious observation of ridiculous behavior ... seriously. My day today would be case in point

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's got to be cooler.

      It's in Manhattan for goodness sake.

      Mind you, I suppose you get the same proportion of wankers, arseholes, semi-funtional alcoholics, religious nutters, conspiracy theorists and genuinely nice people (a definite minority everywhere) that we get in NZ and anywhere else. But when you leave the padded cell of the office, you've got Manhattan to walk through.

      Have you posted about your day?

      Delete
    2. nah, haven't posted a 'day in the life' but perhaps I should. I've shown my typical day, which is more about how much commuting, I do in a day ... but not about the people I encounter. have to give it some thought. So much material to work with really. I have done quite a bit in earlier posts about people I commute with -- a vast pool of material to draw from

      Delete
    3. can't reply to all your comments via email! so will answer them here. the 'neck' in my post is my teenage daughter as it would quite difficult to take a picture of my own neck ... with any skill.

      as for other shapes beyond triangles .... yes, recently was creating squares, but confess to not giving much thought to rhomboids or Moebius strip? although the later may not be so comfortable around the wrist

      Delete
    4. You don't have to reply by email, but I think you can put a reply comment on your site.

      But thanks.

      Delete
    5. hmm, ok. clearly haven't done that. am I showing my age?

      Delete
    6. I'm far too much a gentleman to comment.

      Honestly.

      Delete
  14. Let me say a word in defence of the despised laptop. I have a very nice cheap Toshiba I bought 3 years or more ago through NLHS's great computer technician. I've upgraded the RAM, and it's worked flawlessly - except for needing a new keyboard recently, but that was my fault since I tend to spill food and drink on it.
    Since my PC died a couple of years ago I've used nothing else, and although I occasionally think it'd be nice to build another PC (well - have it built for me by my wonderful local computer shop) it serves me well. I suppose its only drawback is the lack of a dedicated video card, but since I'm not into viewing in crystal clear definition the sort of images you post I can't really see the point.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi ex-Clive, or shouldn't it now be almost-but-returning-Ex-Clive?

      It's mainly the bloody size of the keyboard and especially the long-be-damned touch pad that I loath.

      Don't you need a good video card to run your train simulations?

      See you Monday (I hope)

      Delete

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