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Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Professional Wednesday in the Pit of Despair

So, you admit you don't know what a NOUN is?
I'm an artist for f*ck's sake.

Another Bloody Wednesday.

Another morning of Bloody Professional Torture.

Every Wednesday morning, before we set off to meet our hordes of little angels, we undergo what is supposedly an hour and a quarter of Professional Learning. This term it starts with a session of Te Waa Hononga, which is supposed to help us understand Maori cultural imperatives and increase our understanding of the way our Maori kids learn.

No, no, no.  You point the bloody guns at the enemy.
How many times do I have to tell you?

What we actually got was a 50 minute session of composing as many words as we can (in groups of our Departments) from given syllables and vowels.  At least I think that was what we were supposed to be doing, but the instructions given were a wee bit mumbled and unclear, and quite frankly, I didn't give a f*ck.

Then we had to identify nouns, adjectives and verbs from the words, write them onto laminated labels bearing the words nouns, adjectives and verbs to help us differentiate the various types.


I've got a BSc(Hons) and an MSc.  I've been teaching for over 15 years.  I went through school when it was compulsory to be able to parse sentences, write down rules of syntax and compose grammatically correct sentences.

I've written Management Documents of over 200 pages, a Master's Thesis of over 500 pages and corrected countless mistakes in students' and teachers' work.


You don't have to waste 50 minutes of my valuable time in trying to teach me how to write f*cking English.  There were lots of mumbled grumbling in the "Bad Boys' Corner" where I was sitting. I noticed Richard [of RBB] doing some quiet texting.  Well Done, Richard [of RBB].

What the hell is all this to do with Te Waa Hononga?

Admittedly the presentation was given by one of our Maori colleagues, but it was focused (mostly) on examples in English.

There were a few times when I was really tempted to just walk out and leave, and go and do something a bit more productive.  Like cut my toenails, trim my ear hair or even PREPARE SOME F*CKING LESSONS.  But I wimped out.  The semblance of collegiality had to be maintained at all costs, otherwise chaos would rule.

Back to Reports.

After the cancellation of the whole staff after school meeting, (see here) when we were supposed to be allowed to give our opinions and recommendations for improving the utter f*cking balls-up which is our reports system, we were given an A4 Report feedback sheet.

We were encouraged to complete these and hand them back in, so the Management could improve the system for the next round of reports, due next term.

Quite frankly, one A4 sheet isn't nearly big enough, and as far as I know, the paper hasn't been treated to stop it combusting when the true vitriolic hatred of the collective staff is honestly expressed.

But that's life in Nuova Lazio High School.

We're all bloody mushrooms.

Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.

YONKS, I came across this whilst searching for mushrooms.

 Says it all really.


  1. There's not mushroom left on that stool.

    1. HAHAHAHA. Or even not mushroom left on that Toadstool...or is that just too fungal for fun.

  2. Mushrooms? Trying to figure out the context - unless it's the old joke "there's not mushroom in there"... boom boom

    1. Close Furtheron.

      1. Look at picture of woman with huge arse sitting on stool.
      2. Say after me: "There's not mush room on that stool" This is a play on words regarding the word "much" and the prenom "mush"

  3. I'm sending every teacher I know to your blog. Misery shared, and all that. Seems a global problem.

    (But it's pretty damn funny to the civilians..)

    1. It probably is a global problem. Most people seem to think that teaching is easy, until they get put in front of a class...then the blood runs.

      I'm so glad our pain keeps everyone else's what we live for.

    2. Ahhhh... so much to laugh and cry about in our profession!

  4. I hate the idea that we are all mushrooms. That means really, at its essence, that we are all enlarged fungus.

    1. And what's wrong with that?

      I'm going to be a truffle.

  5. Morning TSB. Yes, I think that was the worst PL ever. I already knew what a noun was, but I did manage to make 'wanker' out of the available letters. I guess that was something.

    1. Morning Richard.

      Well done.

      (Our team got it as well)

    2. I've found an excellent way of dealing with these interactive sessions is to play an extra game on top. Like see how many times you can shoe-horn song lyrics into the "constructive dialogue" with the instructor. Bonus points for 3 in a row by the same singer or band.

    3. Sounds like your PL session was a dumbed down version of Scrabble.
      No PL sessons at our school this year. They cancelled them to allow more teaching time.
      I wonder if this will be reflected in the results for this year. Time will tell I guess.
      That's if the world does'nt end in December.

      Lots of tired ratty and sick teachers around our place too, and all sooo over the drama of reports. Some things are the same what ever school you teach at. We are all subjected to similar misery and torture. One more week chaps!

    4. I wish we'd cancel the bloody PL/PD, but the way the Teachers' Council is going, we might have to do more.

      No, one week and one day.

    5. Shackleford Hurtmore..we used to play other silly games. Like how often the management would say:
      "Going Forward"
      and the all time favourite
      "Let me tell you a story"

      JP would run a book, and we'd all put bets down. Richard often won.

  6. Here in the US they are now converting all nouns into verbs like "gifted" - not that's not a good example. Anyway you get the idea and as you see I had the best of Whakatane educations (though we did get Latin for five years)

    1. Wow, does that mean that some students are dickheading?


      Ubi sedes est cor.

  7. How are people selected for this kind of job I wonder? "I've got some great ideas for PL--they're useless, will have no practical application in the classroom, and will bore the staff shitless." Great, when can you start?

    1. The worst part is that they're "normal" teachers. They volounteer to do a presentation that's supposed to last about 10-15 minutes.

      This one went on and on and on and on and on.

      Actually a facility to incite boredom is a greatly appreciated attribute for a teacher. Once a class is nicely bored, they soon become placid, sleepy and easily controlled.

      They call it bad teaching technique. We call it mind control. HAHAHAHAHA

    2. PS, BTW, please ignore spelling, syntactical and grammatical errors. I'm a wee bit fu' the noo.

    3. Have you tried using an egg timer to keep people on time? I bought a cheap egg timer from K-Mart for my team - whenever someone pops in and says "this will only take 2 minutes" we start the timer and keep them to it. It's a bit like Twitter, only for speaking.

    4. Great idea.

      I'll propose it to our Heads of Faculty at our next meeting next Monday.

      I might however reinterpret it.

      Anyone who goes over 4 f*cking minutes gets thrown to the animals in Links.

  8. Be strong, they're trying to break your spirit and make you like them...Keep up the good fight and, fuck it! Meet you in the pub at lunchtime..

    1. Thank you Tempo. *sob* It's worth it if someone knows and appreciates our pain.

      Your buying, right?

  9. Then the cleaner comes in, looks for a 3 pin pluck, the radio is on National or Coast.. "Hi Second, I am so tired think I will have an early one."
    The cleaner looks around at the mess on the floors. He has already worked 8 hours.
    "Have a nice one" shouts the teacher (he wonders if they think he has a hearing defect) and the teacher leaves.
    Much later it is dark, the cleaner struggles to see the locks as he relocks the doors the teacher carelessly left open ...

    1. What in all the hells of the 17 breasts of Ashuravnanahavanharasatava is a 3 pin pluck?

  10. oh lordy...still better to get if off your chest.......!!


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