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Saturday, 8 December 2012

RINGO IS GOING

Bye Suckers

This has been an incredibly odd month. 

I've become a Koro (Grandfather in Maori), been trying to complete and proof-read my and colleagues' end-of-year reports  been trying to help my students complete their last minute assessments, been trying to understand the new Level 3 standards for next year, been trying to organise next year's timetable and of course, trying to keep on top of all of the housework while my Beloved is away in the UK.

Then it got better... and worse.

First, the good news.

Ringo is departing.

He told us (the timetable committee) on Thursday that he's resigning and leaving to take up a new PPTA post. 

After the cheering had died down (he looked a bit miffed for some reason at our obvious joy) I got some other news.


The Principal (Dancing Bear) has asked me to step in as acting Deputy Principal for at least the first term of 2013, which means a whole shit-load of extra duties and responsibilities, as well as continue as the Head of ICT (Computing) and to keep on doing relief.

I think I can do it, but it's worrying.

I can always try to emulate Ringo's style and do the following:

  • Piss off every teacher in the school and make at least 5 leave.
  • Become over-friendly with the pupils.
  • Ignore the bad behaviour of the pupils and tell everyone it's purely due to the home environment and blame the post-colonisation mindset of the Pakeha (Europeans)
  • Forget to tell ANYONE what my plans are.
  • Ignore deadlines and all important duties.
  • Grunt at colleagues passing in corridors as a form of greeting.
  • Bully the staff into accepting that THEY are always in the wrong.
  • Speak in a condescending manner to all and sundry, with a nasal Mancunian accent.
  • Screw up every computerised system available.
  • Lose 3 laptops in one year.
  • Insist that the students develop their skills in creating computerised portfolios and keep all their work on the "cloud" where it will promptly disappear.


If/when I take up the post, I'll try and keep Ringo's attitudes and behaviours in the forefront of my mind, and will try and always do the f*cking opposite of what he did.

I can't wait.

61 comments:

  1. What will you do with all your spare time?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well done TSB.
    Will you be a blogging DP?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would hope that extra duties and responsibilities = extra $$$. Is that how it works there? Congrats. You're the right bloke for the job. Or the only one available. Could be either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, I'm supposed to get another $12000 a year, otherwise I wouldn't do it. I've got a sneaking feeling that I'm the only one available, but we'll see.

      Delete
  4. This is such good news all round. You'll be a great deputy head and will shake up that school with a bit of Scottish grit (let's face it you're only marginally more Maori than I am, who has never been east of Lowestoft) that Ringo has lacked. Never mind if you're the only candidate, you're the best one, it's obvious. Get in lad.

    Anyway apart from all the work stuff, I'm fucking glad that weird picture of that big breasted Mormon muffin is off your front page.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks looby, I'll try and be as un-PC as can be (almost a rhyme there)

      Hmm, lots of people didn't like that Mormon bird. I wonder if it was religious bigotry?

      Delete
  5. Well, the bar's set low, so I'm sure you'll manage to impress. And the payoff? Better than the $- NO MORE RINGO! Hooray!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Austan, that's one of the nicest back-handed compliments I've heard.
      I agree, the moollah is nice, but the impending lack of Ringo is nicer.

      Delete
  6. My father used to say that the worst day of your career was the day that they happily tell you have been promoted. Congratulations nonetheless. Remember delegation to minions is always a fine choice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Delegation is always my first choice.

      Delete
    2. Be kind to the old music teacher.

      Delete
    3. No...I must show complete even-handedness...my aim is to be mean to EVERYONE...especially the kids.

      Delete
  7. I think you have all the attributes necessary! Though I could be wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks...I think.
      Do you mean you think I have the same attributes as Ringo?

      Delete
  8. I was thinking you might have gone to join the wife... Of course I should have known better but I checked by ringing all the strip joints in NZ and finally found that youve been living under a bar stool in some seedy place near a river. Congratulations on your new appointment and your impending mental breakdown. (dont take the little red pills)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gasp!
      You found me...I quite liked that last strip joint...I think it was called The Mermaid, but my liver can't take anymore, so it's back to Horlicks and Rich Tea Biscuits.
      What's wrong with the little red pills?

      Delete
  9. I've already congratulated you on becoming a grandfather, so I'll just congratulate you on your impending promotion this time. I think you should imitate the nasal Mancunian accent to maintain some continuity with the past and show people you're not changing everything for the sake of it. It might also amuse the students and improve their morale.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry, Gorilla Bananas, but it not my intent to keep the kids amused, quite the opposite, and as for the mancunian accent; never.

      Delete
  10. I quit a job once when I was promoted. I didn't ask for it, didn't want it and it was not discussed with me. They thought they were doing me a favour! It's one of the best decisions I ever made. In the proceeding years they have gone through several staff members in that role, all leaving due to stress. Having said that, a hearty congratulations, if your happy that's all that counts. Hope it doesn't take you out of the blogosphere. You will forget about us and put your job first. We will become a distant memory. I think you should take the little red pills :-)
    Di
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not too unhappy about the prospects of promotion, as I think I could do a good job, but the level of stress will undoubtadly increase, so I may start looking for the litttle red pills. I will try to keep my existance in the blogosphere intact, but one never knows.

      Delete
  11. The opposite of La Ringo seems what we should all do in our lives. Deputy seems quite nice as you're not the final (or first) person to blame. How will you keep your blog going with anonymity intact?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll try and keep the blog anonymous, using various nom de plumes.

      Deputy could be nice, except for pretending to "care" about the kiddies.

      Delete
  12. The lord give and he takes away!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Congratulations! In a parallel universe, I wonder what amusing nickname some discreet blogger is going to use to refer to a fellow strikingly like you as in his thinly disguised blog about the mis-management at his school. Do you resemble a Beatle or wear amusing items of clothing - such things are a big help? Oh, and welcome back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I don't know.
      maybe Twisted Scottish Deputy Princpal.

      I like to think that I sometimes look like a boyish Paul McCartney.

      Thsnks, glad to be back.

      Delete
  14. Oh TSB thats the best f***g christmas pressie you could ever give me!! Halleluah, praise the lord! PLEASE now do definately put me down on your Reliever list for next year.
    I may even be tempted to rejoin you guys permamenntly if a suitable job comes up now, especially now I know I can possibly carpool with Ross since he decided to take up residence around the corner from me in Ginger Cat Grove of our fine little town.

    I am so indeed pleased that the DB has asked you to step up and take the role of acting as if you have not already been doing it anyway (in covering Ringo's ineptitude). SO no major timetable f***ups on the horizon for next year
    now I hope.

    BTW how is life at yours? Is Mrs T back home yet? How is the wee grand bairn?

    This is such good news I reckon that RBB will have to compose a special song - perhaps "The Hills of NL are alive with the sound of music now that Ringo is f**g off". Instant raise in staff morale I reckon. Roll on the good times, if not, the much better times from 2013 onwards for NLHS. I can jus see Baytree and RBB getting carried away with he bubbly in the staff room after junior prizegiving and lunch and farewell speeches this year. May I recommned for Ringo's farewell speech song "Bye Bye Baby" bye the Bay City Rollers .. origianlly performed by The Four Seasons.
    No hang on that's far too soppy. Maybe Your'e SO Vain; or Celebration TIme, or a something nice or much more satiral.

    Have an awesome last week at school for the year TSB!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks VG, the cockles of my heart are positively toasty.

      Delete
  15. Good to have you back. Your new jobs, as Chief Grandfather and Deputy Principal, should provide you with plenty of blog fodder to entertain us. Excellent news!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Trish, I'll be trying to relate the funnier and darker side of the "Secrets of the Management"

      Delete
  16. I wonder if I'll have to give you a different name when you're DP? The dancing bear, Runner, Mr Pompous and ...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was thinking, maybe SirTwistedScottishBastard?

      Delete
    2. Ringo was Ringo because he sounded, to my untrained southern ears, like Ringo. We may need someone Scottish of the same calibre. Maybe even Irish because they sort of talk the same?

      Delete
    3. Which calibre?
      0.22?

      BTW, An Irish accent is completely different from a Scottish one, I would have thought the trained ear of the musician would have picked that up.

      Delete
    4. Derek Longmuir springs to mind

      Delete
    5. Bay City Rollers???
      (I had to google the name, really before my time) (or style)

      Delete
  17. So long Ringo, best gift of the season. Hope you'll still have time for the rest of us.

    (p.s. Wives are dedicated to the care and training of their spouses so NO dummy, fair does not enter into the equation :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The gift of Ringo keeps on giving. I thought that wives were trained in spousal bullying, but I could be wrong.

      Delete
  18. can I hear the chink of a celebratory glass.....between the lines??

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ah I take it by now that Ringo has truly left the building?
    Who was the other DP who leftout of curiousity?

    Hope you have nailed that timetable TSB. Suppose you have a lot of housework and gardening to do to get the house immaculate before your Beloved returns very soon. Make sure you leave her something to do though, otherwise she will get bored when she gets back and will take you out shopping every day! Crikey not at this time of the year eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ringo has truly gone as has Paul's partner.

      My house is ALWAYS immaculate.

      Delete
    2. Great to hear you are keepin your place immaculate. Who is Paul's partner and who is Paul? Sorry really confused.

      Delete
    3. It's Melissa, who's been an acting DP all year, and an excellent one. Paul is HOF Maths.

      Delete
  20. OK I am missing something here. OF course I remeber them both esepcialy Mel as she was my PRT mentor and a very supportive person. I did not know Paul and Melissa were partners. I thought Paul had left NLHS recently. Where are these lovely people going? SOmewhere nice I hope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VG, you might be getting mixed up with Paul H, who is married tp Cherie, All going to the Wellington Annex of NLHS, called Wellington Girls.

      Delete
    2. No I was thinking of Paul F actually - the Maths Paul not the Chemistry Paul. Never mind I am still confused, but that's normalfor me at this time of the year, my brain is addled and needs to defrag so I can be refreshed for new infomration for next year if the world does not end tommorrow.

      Delete
  21. When the stress of extra duties gets you down, just grit your teeth and think of the extra cash.
    Money makes everything better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All forms of wage slaves are essentially prostitution.

      Whisky helps.

      Delete
  22. Steve you makes TSB's roles sounds like prostitution. Anything is bearable when you can close your eyes and think of the money. THat is why I do Relief Teaching, However, I don't think even the extra Managemement Units that Heads of Departments/Faculites, Deans and Senior Management in teaching earn for their extra responsibilities makes it that great (Not at a measly $4K per Unit). It takes a certain person to be a Deputy Prinicpal that is fo rsure and TSB has some excellent and endearing attributes which make him highly suited to the role (Especailly his former military experience). He is a consistently firm but fair person who is exceptionally well organised and intelligent.
    unlike many of the other SMT at NLHS and other schools I have owrked at). ALso he is just a really bloody nice guy to
    work with who easily gains the mutal respect of his colleagues, and makes life fun with his whitty sense of humour.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you VG, I have bought a new sniper rifle, just in case.

      BTW, all senior managers have their sense of humour surgically removed, so don't expect too much in the future.

      Delete
  23. But I thought this blog was all about prostitution? I assumed all the talk about teaching was just a subtle euphimism that I didn't quite understand.

    I feel cheated now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve, you are a wag.

      After "reading" (I say reading, but it's mostly pictures) your posts, I know you don't do subtle.

      You do do "f*cking in your face you wise-ass c*nt", but not subtle. Or even logical, come to that.

      Delete
  24. True enough, TSB. I've been called many things, but subtle and logical are not two of them.

    ReplyDelete
  25. happy New Year! That's all I can say. You'll be AWESOME x

    ReplyDelete

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