Sorry for the hiatus, I'll explain all later.
At the moment I'm sitting in my wee office typing this post when I should be getting prepared for my Audit.
I should explain.
Every three years the school management check out every department, to ensure we're actually doing what we're supposed to be doing and not sitting back with our feet on the desk while the kids go ballistic.
They come in to observe our teaching methodologies, classroom control, assessment moderation and a whole screed of things which can be loosely grouped as either Admin or Pedagogy.
I have no problems in being observed teaching, it's what I do every day, and thoroughly enjoy it, it's the bloody Admin side that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
I have prepared a 75 page Management Document for their perusal, consisting of the usual bureaucratic claptrap and Pedagogical buzzwords, that is an essential component of the Audit.
I'm glad they're going to read it, because no other bugger ever does, including me, unless I'm getting it ready for the Audit.
- All of our activities MUST be to the benefit of the students.
- What the management don't know doesn't hurt them.
- Non-contact time is inviolate.
- NOBODY messes with my tea-break.
- We don't work during weekends.
- NOBODY messes with my computers.
- Don't spend money. (Because we don't have any)
What makes this Audit a bit more intense is that ERO (The Educational Review Office) is coming into school next term to see what we're doing, but they're not going to be observing many classes, they're going to be looking at the f*cking Admin.
In other words, they want to see the paper systems, not the actual teaching.
I'm sure that many of you know how accurate that's going to be, because internal documentation never lies.
The whole world's going to hell in a basket. What ever happened to the real world?
And the icing on the bloody cake is that the Audit is going to be run by...
RINGO
Just fills me with confidence.
I'll try and keep you all up to date with the ongouing process next week, and I'll certainly try to get a post out explaing the long gap.
I've tentaively titled it TSB Ends Up In Court.
Good to have you back TSB. Have missed your regularly witty contributions.
ReplyDeleteThanks VG, I've missed them as well.
DeleteFor the court you need a sharky lawyer, for the Ringo you need a hungry shark.
ReplyDelete-PolishSpring
Well said, but I think a pack of starving Pirhana would be more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Me wonders if you got stuck with jury service perhaps? (Like I did late last year). Hope that's all it was. The very word Court sends shivers doen most peoples spines as it indicates someone is in some sort of trouble.
ReplyDeleteNope, it wasn't jury service. I'll tell all as soon as I can (If the statutes allow)
DeletePersonally, I would rather have Ringo than Paul, who is apparently rather stingy to the musicians he hires for his world tours. This has nothing to with him being Scottish, which he isn't, apart from a paternal grandparent.
ReplyDeleteHi Gorilla Bananas, I think it's more Pau;'s judgement that's at fault. Anyone who want to get permanently hitched to a one-legged bitch need his head examined...maybe he's just kinky for amputees?
DeleteI was going to say "Sorry to tell you, but Ringo's dead." but I checked, and bugger me the old bloke's still ticking.
Thank goodness you're back - I've been worried sick!
ReplyDeleteThank you for that kind thought Tracy, but out of curiosity, what triggered the question?
DeleteWas it affection?
Was it part of the grieving process caused by the lack of witty epigrams?
Was it purient curiosity?
Anyway, thanks.
Excuse a grumpy old bugger.
II'm addicted to your blog - how tiresome it would be to have to troll through countless dull ones to find an alternative fix. Plus, I feel I have crossed your path in earlier times and am slowly gathering clues ....
DeleteAh, addiction. Never come across that before.
DeleteCrossed my path?
Now I'm intrigued.
Here's another few clues.
I'm Scottish.
I'm bald.
I'm grumpy. (not the bloody dwarf, the approach to life)
I suggest the AGM-114Hellfire, that should take care of the whole Ringo problem for you..
ReplyDelete1.Is there no chance they will see he's got no idea and sack the bugger?
2. What can we do to insure this happens?
Now, now Tempo, don't go all plagaristic on us.
Delete1. Nope, he's a teacher, we're almost impossible to sack unless we start fiddling with little boys, and I've tried. I've sent his name and email address to countless "iffy" sites, but no bites (or bytes) yet. Sorry, computer teacher joke.
2. No bloody idea.
Aye - I'll add to the welcome back. I'd assumed you'd sloped off for a few days - or were having computer problems. Sorry to hear about your involvement with the powers of L+O. Hope it's over and pertains to others and doesn't have any implications for you personally.
ReplyDeleteThe audit sounds like a swine disguised in bitches clothing and smacks of yet another govt ensuring boxes are ticked simply for political expediency and nothing else. Hope it doesn't cause too much problems by way of prep. Ringo is undoubtedly one of those who can quote policy chapter and verse but doesn't have the sense or skill to wipe his own backside after the loo. It's a sign of the incompetence and neglect of senior management that they haven't seen throught the tw*t by now. It's a trueism that these berks get promoted to the limit of their incompetence but that takes no account of the distress they cause while getting there. Be sure to be there when he finally implodes won't you? That'll be a golden post for sure.
Once again you have my sympathy. Frankly I'm surprised Aunite hasn't resolved the matter for you by now. Seems the least she could do for all the free alcohol and scran she gets while staying Chez Vous.
Cheerio and keep the heid!
Thanks Alistair, I'll give a fuller explanation later.
DeletePart of the problem is that his failings are now visible, but nothing ever happens.
Pompous is the same, and I've heard that there is other trouble brewing.
For the first time in 7 years, I'm starting to look at the Education Gazette, where the jobs are advertised.
I've lost track of Auntie, but as we've just heard that there's a plot afoot to assassinate Frankie Bananarama, the dictator of Fiji, then we know she's not far off.
Hubble Bubble, Boil and Trouble, as the witches in McBeth say is it? I should now that as we just did it as our senior production.
DeleteAnyway who's to say its the witches that are the bitches at NLHS? Sounds like those SMT boys are behaving like stroppy pre-schoolers in the sandpit throwing their toys around. I would not bother looking for a new job yet TSB, as they are all likely to knock each other off sooner or later and you will be the Saviour left to save the school. Hang in there, you know you can but I can understand if you are becoming battle fatigued. I hear the SAS is looking for a repleacement soldier now that Willie has quit.
Well I'm afraid TSB, I wasn't worried about you at all. I assume a man who can handle powerful stocks of explosives, munitions and--far worse--teaching audits--can handle himself.
ReplyDeleteAs a staunch defender of the public sector, I still have to admit that whole swathes of it seem to be job creation schemes copied from super-efficient cutting-edge economies such as the GDR circa 1970.
Thanks for that vote of confidence, but you're correct. I can more happily work with PE4 than I can with an Audit committee.
DeleteAt least under the GDR the trains ran on time.
I am glad you are back. Can't wait to hear what happened. Did you finally assault Ringo and get arrested?
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'll try an make everything clear for the next exciting instalment.
DeleteNo, unfortunately I didn't punch Ringo. I want my actions to be a bit more permanent.
I've been wondering where you've been. But I'm too polite to poke around and ask a lot of questions that might be none of my business.
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't love an audit? They're exciting! Anything can happen. Not a typical Thursday afternoon at all. I've never been audited for anything. Do your best to describe the feeling.
Thanks for being so polite TUB, I don't mind a quick poke now and again.
DeleteAre you insane?
Exciting?
It produces a mixture of mild apprehension/terror and boredom.
Funny when the audits get run by the management...saves money I suppose????
ReplyDeleteSort of. The Audits are supposed to make sure everything is running OK before ERO descend on us.
DeleteAH the differenc between and Internal Audit an and External Audit ( as us Accountat types
Deletesay). I think Ringo himself is due for a massive internal audit.
Glad you're back. I await the legal saga with anticipation.
ReplyDeleteThanks alison, I too awaited the outcome with, if not quite anticipation, at least a modicum of sheer terror.
DeleteMorning TSB.
ReplyDeleteMorning Richard. See, I took your advice and started again.
DeleteGood luck. I do not miss audits at all!
ReplyDeleteThanks Pinky, I wish I could miss mine.
DeleteI need more people to comment on my blog.
ReplyDeleteIt's quite simple really.
Delete1. Write intersting, amusing, mildly salacious posts with just a hint of the semi-naked (but tasteful) female form.
2. Respond to every comment with a reply. (Since I changed the blog format to allow for individual replies, my numbers have shot up.)
3. I never mention Double Basses.
Glad you are back. But did I read that aright - 75 pages? 75 pages???
ReplyDeleteRingo was always my least favourite but I'm inclining more to the idea that John had a flash of genius, which Paul doesn't and George certainly didn't. I think I've sorted out the living and the dead ones okay.
Thanks Jenny, and yes, 75 pages, but thats just the main document. I've hyprlinked all the appendices and graphs to the main contents page, otherwise it's nearer 150.
DeleteI always preferred it when John and Paul collaborated.
I really got a surprise when I discovered that Ringo was still alive.
"When virtue is lost, benevolence appears, when benevolence is lost right conduct appears, when right conduct is lost, expedience appears. Expediency is the mere shadow of right and truth; it is the beginning of disorder."
ReplyDeleteLao Tzu
Hmmm...profound and semi-inscrutable.
DeleteI think this means that eventually, everything turns to sh*t.
Dear Twisted, I imagine that Ringo will go for a few cheap shots to show you how clever he is, but can't imagine he would want to make his school look bad as I am sure it is all about him - so I have complete faith that you will sail through if you don't deck him first (imagine Mrs T is present). Any reason why the Australian High Court was the image chosen? Makes me feel a little homesick. Lindaxxx
ReplyDeleteDear Linda, I do believe that yo're correct in your judgement of Ringo, it is all about him. The temptation to deck him grows and then wanes every day, as I remember my pension, so I probably won't actually hit him.
DeleteWell spotted, it was a pic of the High Court in OZ, it seemed appropos somehow. (I just wanted a picture of a court and spotted it in Google. It wasn't until afterwards that I noticed the bloody Roo and the Emu.
You say it makes you feel homesick, why?
Did you spend a lot of time in this court?
Best wishes.
TSBXXXXX
Dear Twisted, The High Court is in Canberra, my home town - it is Canberra that I miss! L
DeleteYou miss Canberra?
DeleteAccording to Bill Bryson, the only thing to do to Canberra is to miss it.
Actually our neighbours are moving to Canberra next month.
We've offered counseling, but they've said no.
Some people are just beyond help.
Cheeky bugger! Love Bill - his description of Canberra was very funny and apt. You have to know Canberra to enjoy it as the best parts are tucked away. L
DeleteActually, on our next trip we might just pop over and see what all the fuss is about.
DeleteHmm. I'm intrigued.
ReplyDeletePearl
Anticipation and mystery are my stock in trade.
DeletePlus of course scantily-clad women.
"I'm back"
ReplyDeleteI'm back too.
Morning TSB.
You're early.
DeleteIt's not Easter yet.
Having previously worked in an office for ten years, mainly on my own, doing nothing but paperwork, I can confirm that there is a lot of wasted time and trees spent on admin. You need to read health & safety regulations just to go up a bloody stepladder!
ReplyDeleteAlthough if the stepladder has blood on it, then something has gone wrong, I suppose.
I now eagerly await your blogs about zombies and Batman. And some ever amusing cat pictures.
Yep. I can remember when "they" were forecasting the paperless office.
DeleteHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Blood is never wrong, unless it's mine.
(Or anything to do with f*cking VAPMIRES)
Cats yes, the rest, regretfully, no.
I hope that the audit went well.
ReplyDeleteHaving experienced many of these in the past I have found that the best defense is in being obtuuse.
To most questions, answer something that is correct (as if another question was asked).
If you keep doing this the inquisitor, sorry, interrogator, sorry, the auditor will move on without giving you a bad mark, assuming that they were a bit off the mark themselves.
At the end of the session offer them a glass of sustaining beverage (even if they have already left the room). I find that a nice Amontillado does the trick in the late afernoon but if the interrogation, sorry audit has gone on into early evening an aromatic wine like Riesling, Gewurtztraminer or dare I say it Sauvignon Blanc or that godawful Pinot Gris will do the trick. Cheers!
being obtuse using pedagogical buzz words is easy. It's keeping my lunch down when I speak them that's the problem.
DeleteI have this terrible affliction...it's called principles.
I agree with the Pinoy Gris, mostly, but sherry is for the wrinklies...sh*t...I see what you mean.
Oh TSB heard today Aimee is back now in Godzone after two years in Thailand. Working at Rongotai for the time being.
ReplyDeleteRongotai? Poor wee soul.
DeleteYeah - all those boys!
Delete