400,000

My goodness, I was so wrapped up in school work that I never noticed my wee blog had passed the 0.4 million mark.. 


It's difficult to believe that I only started this damned thing in 2010, when Richard [of RBB] and J-P (Man of Errors) mentioned they had a blog.

After I had given them my condolences, and asked them if a doctor couldn't do something about it, they explained what a blog was.

I'm sorry, but you've got a Blog.  There's nothing I can do.

"Let me get this right" I said.

"You write whatever you want on a small personal web site and people add insults?"

"They're usually referred to as comments" added J-P

"And you can really write about anything?" "Anything at all?"

"Yes" Richard [of RBB] confirmed, "It's all free"

"And I don't have to pay anything to anyone?"

"No" they said in unison, "All free"

"But" added Richard [of RBB], "If you're writing about someone you know or work with, you should really use code-names." "We usually call this place hell school assylum Nuova Lazio High School, and all the staff have their own code-names as well"

I thought for a second or two then asked 4 vitally important questions.

"Do I get a code-book?"

"No" they both said, "You've got to work it out on your own"

"What's the code-name of the stupid git who is a member of the management and who just f*cked up our timetable?" "Again"

"Ringo" they sang in an atonal chorus.

"That makes sense" I said nodding sagely, now two more points.

"Can I use intemperate language?"

"Yes, but we usually add the odd * or # to keep the tone up" laughed Richard [of RBB] with a strangely wistful smile on his creased and battered yet ruggedly handsome features.

"Last and most important question" I said, "Can I use pictures of pretty ladies who aren't wearing much clothing?"

I kid you not, this delightful young thing was disciplined for wearing too much clothing.
See here.

"Probably" said J-P, a worried frown creasing his forehead "We've never tried but I suppose it's possible if you really want to"

"Where do I sign up for this plog" I demanded

"Blog" they chorused, "Blog, not Plog"  Bloody Kiwi accents.

So that evening I sat down at my trusty computer (the one my Beloved calls my Electronic Mistress) and began to investigate the strange and often scary world of blogging.

I read of Christian extremists (The called themselves Christians, but I didn't detect a lot of brotherly love on many of these sites, more of a "Hang the Faggots" and "Shoot the Atheists" theme)

I came across a whole series of blogs devoted to followers of macramé, which was almost as worrying, then found Right wing and  Left wing blogs of such extreme views that Stalin or Hitler could have written them.

Christ, I thought I was bad, but your Blog is just too much.

I found blogs on cats, dogs, fish, birds (parrots are especially popular for some reason).  Most were chatty pet-lovers blogs, but some had rather odd attitudes.  Like "I have 5 trained killer PitBulls and they're trying to take them away" "But only when they pry this Mossberg Assault Shotgun out of my cold dead fingers"  (This one was from the USA if you hadn't worked that out)

Then I drifted into areas that were even more disturbing.

The fetishists, those into every sexual perversion that can be named, the Satanists, the Black magicians, the Masochists and their friends the Sadists, Animal Lovers, Lovers of Latex, Doms, Subs, and finally at the bottom of the heap, the Educationalists.

Professor of Education telling a reluctant student that it's all for the best.

Horrified by this profusion of filth, I returned to saner areas and read Richard [of RBB]'s blog on the life of a double bass playing teacher.  I discovered characters like Basket Maker, Runner, Dancing Bear at Nuova Lazio High School, and ComeInYourPants (aka The Curmudgeon) who wrote scathing yet often witty insults comments.

So I decided to add a few insults comments of my own.

I rapidly discovered that many blogs required some form of identification and that anonymous entries were not always accepted, so I attempted to create a Google account.

Now I have been dealing with computers for many, many years, but I got confused and made a mistake, and so rather than just getting a BloggerID I went and made a blog.

Silly me.

I just couldn't figure out how the bloody thing worked, and so Dear Reader, that is how the official name for this Blog is "How the Hell Does this Work", as I let my frustrations get the better of me when I was typing in a strange text box.

I had no intention of starting this crusade against professional incompetence, sheer bloody ignorance and all of the vicissitudes of modern life, it just bloody happened.

I do hope you've enjoyed reading the crap literary gems I pen, and please excuse the occasional typing, spelling and grammatical error, as I sometimes engage in Blogging after a "Wee dram of the Cratur", but rest assured, I wash my hands thouroughly in Dettol after each post.

I enjoy exchanging bon mots with all of you lovely people all over the globe, and it is so nice to "meet" so like-minded cynical b*stards in so many countries and environments and even those having widely differing viewpoints to my own righteous thoughts and principles have engaging thoughts and concepts new to me.

I intend to keep posting for a long time to come, and I just wish to finish with two statements in keeping with the essential spirit of my posts;

"Nil Corborundum Illegitimi"

and

"Would you look at the arse on that."