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Thursday, 16 August 2012

400,000



My goodness, I was so wrapped up in school work that I never noticed my wee blog had passed the 0.4 million mark.. 


It's difficult to believe that I only started this damned thing in 2010, when Richard [of RBB] and J-P (Man of Errors) mentioned they had a blog.

After I had given them my condolences, and asked them if a doctor couldn't do something about it, they explained what a blog was.
I'm sorry, but you've got a Blog.  There's nothing I can do.

"Let me get this right" I said.

"You write whatever you want on a small personal web site and people add insults?"

"They're usually referred to as comments" added J-P

"And you can really write about anything?" "Anything at all?"

"Yes" Richard [of RBB] confirmed, "It's all free"

"And I don't have to pay anything to anyone?"

"No" they said in unison, "All free"

"But" added Richard [of RBB], "If you're writing about someone you know or work with, you should really use code-names." "We usually call this place hell school assylum Nuova Lazio High School, and all the staff have their own code-names as well"

I thought for a second or two then asked 4 vitally important questions.

"Do I get a code-book?"

"No" they both said, "You've got to work it out on your own"

"What's the code-name of the stupid git who is a member of the management and who just f*cked up our timetable?" "Again"

"Ringo" they sang in an atonal chorus.


"That makes sense" I said nodding sagely, now two more points.

"Can I use intemperate language?"

"Yes, but we usually add the odd * or # to keep the tone up" laughed Richard [of RBB] with a strangely wistful smile on his creased and battered yet ruggedly handsome features.

"Last and most important question" I said, "Can I use pictures of pretty ladies who aren't wearing much clothing?"
I kid you not, this delightful young thing was disciplined for wearing too much clothing.
See here.

"Probably" said J-P, a worried frown creasing his forehead "We've never tried but I suppose it's possible if you really want to"

"Where do I sign up for this plog" I demanded

"Blog" they chorused, "Blog, not Plog"  Bloody Kiwi accents.


So that evening I sat down at my trusty computer (the one my Beloved calls my Electronic Mistress) and began to investigate the strange and often scary world of blogging.

I read of Christian extremists (The called themselves Christians, but I didn't detect a lot of brotherly love on many of these sites, more of a "Hang the Faggots" and "Shoot the Atheists" theme)

I came across a whole series of blogs devoted to followers of macramé, which was almost as worrying, then found Right wing and  Left wing blogs of such extreme views that Stalin or Hitler could have written them.

Christ, I thought I was bad, but your Blog is just too much.

I found blogs on cats, dogs, fish, birds (parrots are especially popular for some reason).  Most were chatty pet-lovers blogs, but some had rather odd attitudes.  Like "I have 5 trained killer PitBulls and they're trying to take them away" "But only when they pry this Mossberg Assault Shotgun out of my cold dead fingers"  (This one was from the USA if you hadn't worked that out)

Then I drifted into areas that were even more disturbing.

The fetishists, those into every sexual perversion that can be named, the Satanists, the Black magicians, the Masochists and their friends the Sadists, Animal Lovers, Lovers of Latex, Doms, Subs, and finally at the bottom of the heap, the Educationalists.

Professor of Education telling a reluctant student that it's all for the best.

Horrified by this profusion of filth, I returned to saner areas and read Richard [of RBB]'s blog on the life of a double bass playing teacher.  I discovered characters like Basket Maker, Runner, Dancing Bear at Nuova Lazio High School, and ComeInYourPants (aka The Curmudgeon) who wrote scathing yet often witty insults comments.

So I decided to add a few insults comments of my own.

I rapidly discovered that many blogs required some form of identification and that anonymous entries were not always accepted, so I attempted to create a Google account.

Now I have been dealing with computers for many, many years, but I got confused and made a mistake, and so rather than just getting a BloggerID I went and made a blog.

Silly me.

I just couldn't figure out how the bloody thing worked, and so Dear Reader, that is how the official name for this Blog is "How the Hell Does this Work", as I let my frustrations get the better of me when I was typing in a strange text box.


I had no intention of starting this crusade against professional incompetence, sheer bloody ignorance and all of the vicissitudes of modern life, it just bloody happened.

I do hope you've enjoyed reading the crap literary gems I pen, and please excuse the occasional typing, spelling and grammatical error, as I sometimes engage in Blogging after a "Wee dram of the Cratur", but rest assured, I wash my hands thouroughly in Dettol after each post.

I enjoy exchanging bon mots with all of you lovely people all over the globe, and it is so nice to "meet" so like-minded cynical b*stards in so many countries and environments and even those having widely differing viewpoints to my own righteous thoughts and principles have engaging thoughts and concepts new to me.

I intend to keep posting for a long time to come, and I just wish to finish with two statements in keeping with the essential spirit of my posts;


"Nil Corborundum Illegitimi"

and

"Would you look at the arse on that."

38 comments:

  1. Congratulations TSB. Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks VG, keep up with the comments.

      Oh, by the way, if you haven't heard, Ross, who recently returned from the Middle East, was transported to hospital by ambulance on Monday. Apparenty a mild stroke.

      Delete
    2. That's no good. I hope he makes a full recovery. Rather scary stuff.

      Hope you guys had an enlightening PD day learning about Restorartive Justice. I had an enlightening day not practising it. I prefer using my own variants of RJ, they are usually more effective.

      Delete
    3. I saw him today, and he seems pretty much OK, and talking about getting back to work.

      My day was filled with enlightenment until about 12:00, when my cold was so bad, I left and spent the rest of the day in bed.

      Delete
  2. 0.4 million gigs watts! For that you would need a bolt of lightening!

    Well done bastard! Well deserved.
    Di
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, a very energetic pun!

      Thanks Yonks, I couldn't have done it without my readers.

      Delete
  3. Congrats and keep on doing whatever the fuc* it is you do... It's working

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tempo, but the problem is that I'm not sure what I am doing, except ramble on.

      Delete
  4. Congratulations! I'd like to say that since first reading your blog I've read no other, but that wouldn't be true:
    - I've already used that line on Richard's blog;
    - I was lying then too, trying to cheer him up.

    But I must say your blog is always interesting. Of course, just like with Playboy when I was a teenager, I only look at the pictures and don't read the words.

    Keep it up TSB! You might even get into the NZ blogs sitemeter ranking. There were 269 last time I looked but you weren't there. Maybe next time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks ex-Clive, lying is what teachers (or even ex-teachers) do best. I laways try to get as many pictures in as possible, because I well know that not all of the viewrs are really that comfortable with some of the big words I use.

      Thanks for that link, I'll certainly have a look at getting onto their list.

      Hope the skiing weather improves and that your favourite ski slope doesn't get covered in molten lava.

      Delete
  5. Congratulations. That is a lot of hits.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes. Yes I would look at the arse on that. Congrats.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, so do I. There's something really heartwarming about just looking.

      Delete
  7. Blogging is a slippery slope, that's for sure. You start off slow and then it takes over your life. But I like the commenting bit. It's like an ongoing conversation with a complete and utter stranger. I've met a few bloggers face-to-face and those conversations can usually carry on for more than a line or two. It's interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed, it can become a bit compulsive. At one point I was doing a post a day for my own blog and contributing to an American blog magazine. But it was just taking up too much time, so I reduced to today's more manageable level.

      That's also why I always reply if at all possible to every comment, it's what makes the whole thing more worthwhile.

      Delete
  8. Ah, so you've come across the sex bloggers. Interesting bunch, aren't they? I get the impression they enjoy blogging about their deeds more than doing them. Have you had any trolls yet? I had one who called himself "Anonymous27.5inchcock".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After I discovered them, I ran screaming away into the night...not really my cup of tea.

      Troll? *rapidly checks on Google* Nope, not really. Spammers aplent, but no trolls. Must remind self to get some anti-troll spray, just in case.

      Delete
  9. 400K? It's quality, not quantity TSB. As I used to tell my girlfriend.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congrats, TSB. I hope a goodly portion is of our teachers gaining hints at how to survive the education systems. But I suspect those boobs and bums are a fascination.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Austan, I think the education-based blogs should be a compulsory section in teacher training, so the poor sods know what they're getting into.
      The bumpy bits do amuse.

      Delete
  11. If there actually a god in this finite universe it would be you TSB, oh blogging king. I guess I was foolish, since I often blog about things to do with double basses, to think that I could ever keep up with you. I'm taking two weeks off school to get over my disappointment - sorry, no relief prepared. Let them play the guitars. Some of them really like winding up the strings until they break. Look, I'm not jealous, it's just that my blog hasn't even hit 80,000.
    I've given you a new link name on my blog, as a sign of respect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Richard[of RBB]. I will expect of course as an indication of your massive respect for my God-like powers, to have a cup of tea ready for me every morning.

      And my God-like powers also tell me that you WON'T be off next week.

      Delete
  12. Well done TSB. Some of your pictures are sinful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks AJ, No, they're not sinful, just nice.

      Delete
  13. Well I'm glad you did start it. Who else would write vissicitudes (sp) and know how to spell it too (and post inappro pics of bums and poop? )Your blog has it all. Do any of your colleagues read it? Or students?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, you lovely ex-Kiwi, I try and annoy as many people as I can, without going completely over the top. I'm not keen on poop, but very keen on bums. What can I say?

      It's hard-wired into the male brain.

      Some of my colleagues read it, like Richard[of RBB] and I think Ishouldntcommentsowontsay are colleague. Ex-Clive is a respected ex-colleague. I fervently hope that no students read this, but as I stay away from Facebook, the chances of any of the current crop of students being aware of this blog's existence is miniscule. (I hope)

      Delete
  14. Congratulations!!! Mercifully, my imac doesn't let me see the images that you have posted here, for some reason. I may have my security settings too high (seeing as how my son uses this for homework *cough*)

    I enjoy these regular forays into the hinterland of education - anywhere where there's a Ringo is a hinterland, believe me :-D

    Pip pip!

    AX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ali, it was the high quality of some blogs I discovered, like your Hestia's Larder, that kept me interested and blogging.

      Images? I can assure you that I include nothing on my blog that you wouldn't see in The Sun. Doesn't that make you feel a little better.

      If Sonshine is using your iMac for "homework", then there is no such thing as too high a security setting. (BTW hasn't he grown, he's getting almost as tall as you in that wedding photo. *smiles at proud Mum*)

      Worry not, I can feel a fresh vitriol-laden diatribe against Ringo and his ilk building up. It's reports time again.

      Delete
  15. Ah yes, more monitor-cleaning in my future I see!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Jacquelineand..., and thanks for leaving a comment.
      I assume from your comment that you have, or are expecting to have some teenage boys around your computer equipment.

      My commiserations, your blogging time is going to reduce in proportion to their testosterone levels.
      I would suggest the following.
      1. Bromide in their tea (certainly worked for me in the Army)
      2. Protective plastic covers on your monitors.
      3. Protective plastic covers around the boys.
      4. A really robust web marshalling program.
      5. Plenty of tissues.

      Delete
  16. Well done TSB.

    Sorry I'm so late getting to this!

    My hit levels are paltry compared to yours so kudos to the man!!!

    {No nubile pics on mine - the wife reads it. How lucky you are!}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you've hit the nail on the head. I'm sure most of my hits are blokes searching for images with a certain "je ne sais quoi"

      Delete

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