Biscuits

It was a lovely sunny Sunday morning.  The Tuis were singing in the Kowhai trees at the back and side of the house, and flitting between the Flax plants at the front.  Butterflies were drifting over the (rather unkempt) lawns.  I was on the computer which sits in a corner of the wee room we laughingly call our TV lounge or the snug.

Every morning I awaken before my beloved.  I need to get up at 5:30 on weekdays to get into school in time, and the habit carries over into the weekends, so even though I didn't NEED to get up at 5:30 on Sunday, I still woke automatically, and I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep. 
As I always did, I gave my beloved's gently drooling (and slightly snoring) visage a kindly look and got out of bed.  I have found through long and bitter experience NOT to deposit a gentle and loving kiss onto my beloved's visage at 5:30 in the morning, as this causes her to wake up, and as she DOESN'T need to get up so early, this makes her ANNOYED and prone to make tetchy yet light-hearted threats to my person.  So I get up quietly, smile at her and go through to the snug and switch on the computer.  I also make myself a cup of instant coffee, and I sit quietly, exploring cyberspace, checking my emails, looking at the news and of course checking all of my favourite blogs.

It's quite a nice established routine, and it seems to suit everyone.  It gives me something to do while I'm awake very early, and it lets my beloved sleep in peace.

At least it seemed to suit everyone, but this morning became a little different.

As usual on a Sunday, my beloved gets up around 8:30 to have breakfast with me, and to get ready to go to her church.  And as usual, as I sense her presence (we've been married for 34 years, and my nervous system is peculiarly intertwined with hers, so of course I can sense her presence.  Besides, I always hear the toilet flush), I get off the computer and go into the kitchen to make our breakfast.

This morning, however, my finely tunes senses picked up warning signals emanating from my beloved.

• The rigid shoulders
• The expressionless visage
• The slightly flaring nostrils
• The white knuckled grip on her butter knife
• The monosyllabic answers to my simple expressions of love and devotion.

Not a happy lady

As every bloke does in situations like this, I examined my person and my conscience,

Was my fly open?
Had I just farted?
Was I scratching in an offensive area/manner?
Was I home late last night?
Was I drunk last night?
Did I insult one of her friends?
Did I forget to put out the rubbish?
Did I forget to wash and dry the dishes?
Did I forget to do the ironing?
Did I forget to put the iron away?
Did I forget to fold and put away the dried washing?

Nope.  Everything that should have been done had been done. I was wearing a dressing gown, and nothing was showing or had fallen out. No noxious gases had escaped from my vicinity. (well not in the last ½ hour) and I wasn't scratching anything.

I did what the years of experience had taught me.
Nothing.

Do not ask what you have done wrong.  You might get an answer. Or even worse, you might get the question thrust back at you. e.g.  "Don't you know?"
Or even worse, we might start a discussion on the state of our relationship, and /or the duration/frequency/quality of our sex life.  Again.
But such a discussion would be out of character at such a time of the day.  In my experience, our lovely ladies much prefer to start such a discussion when we are at our most vulnerable, in that lovely time just before sleep.  When your body is starting to go limp, completely relaxed, just before the delightful plunge into the deep, dark, warm world of sleep.  That is when they pounce start the discussion.

It soon transpired that the problem was me.
(Quell surprise. I had done something wrong?  Again?)

I had been on the computer in my dressing gown.

OH SHIT  The machine of the devil was back.
OBVIOUSLY the computer was the instrument of disruption.

I tried the usual arguments.
It was no different from reading a book.
It was no different from watching TV
It was a damn sight better than sitting there in the darkness doing absolutely nothing.
Nobody else was up, so what was the problem?


As usual, we came to a compromise. (we do love each other very much.  Mostly)
The compromise was that I wouldn't sit at the computer in my dressing gown.
See.
Simple.
Problem solved.

Now I entered the day on a moral high.  I was the one who had changed, I was the one who had moved my position the most.
That meant that something would be owed back to me.
It was a delightful thought.  I wondered what would be the best.

Maybe yes

An evening (large) glass of whisky (or 2 glasses of wine)
My choice of that evening's TV viewing?
The handcuffs and Velvet whip for later?

Maybe not

Such pleasant wanderings lasted until I made our coffee and snack after my beloved returned from church.  I had found 2 hot cross buns in the fridge, and I popped them under the grill to lightly toast.  I also popped 6 Hobnobs onto the grill beside them.  We had recently opened a packet and found them to be a bit soft and soggy, even though the sell-by date was months away. 

It worked, the Hobnobs (after cooling) were returned to their optimal crunchy state.
I put the rest of the packet under the grill at a low heat to crunch-up as well.
Then my beloved asked me if I would mind dropping in to see one of her aged friends who was having a problem with her cordless phone.

Excellent, another method of adding to my credit in the ledger of our life.
Hmmm. I wonder if the credit balance would now stretch to 2 glass of malt whisky?
Nipped down to see her friend (about 2 km away, so I took my truck).  Blast she wasn't in.  Back home.
Strange smell as I came back into our house from the garage.  Strange sounds as well.  What on earth was that high pitched beeping?
The smoke alarm?
Upstairs in the kitchen?

THE BISCUITS. 

Ran into the kitchen just as my beloved was depositing a large tray of smoking charcoal discs onto our front deck.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE WE CAME TO HAVING A FIRE?" she said
"Yes Dear, sorry Dear"
Tidied away all the wreckage and scrubbed out the carbonised grill pan. 
This incident of domestic forgetfulness would wipe out all of my hard earned ledger credits

I suppose that means no whisky or whips tonight.

Blast.

Bored

Bored

I can't believe it.
It's been less than 24 hours since I've really been on holiday from the education factory, and I'm bored.

It's gently drizzling, so I can't go out into the garden.
My beloved's at home all day, so I can't get sloshed.
I've read every book in the house, some two or three times.  I can't buy a new one, just in case I get it as a present on the 25th.
The library has 8 books on hold for me, but they haven't come back from the previous borrower yet.  Read faster you bastards.
The TV programs are either stupid, crap, really crap, mind-blowingly inane or repeats.

The real reason my beloved does not like compuiters

The computer is out-of-bounds because my beloved's going through another "The computer is the Devil's Device" phase, and I really don't want to start Christmas with a fight.  Just for a change.
My son has come home and the signs do not look good.
The signs indicate that he's going to move back in with us.  His flat in Wellington seems to get a bit hot and airless in summer, and he can't sleep very well.  It's nice to have him back for Christmas, but I was getting used to just the two of us.  Our routine was established, and it was pretty comfortable, now it'll change again.

It's so boring, I'm going to vacuum the carpets. Again.
[edit]

I'm not bored anymore.  A nice friend noticed my plight, and sent me this link to a You Tube video.

Cheered me up no end.

I think I'll share it with you all.

Interrupted Sleep

I had just got of to sleep (as mentioned in the previous post) when the phone rang.

I was a bit groggy when I answered it and the conversation went something like this:

Male Maori Caller (MMC) Hello TSB, I thought you'd be at the interview.

Me: What?

MMC: I thought you'd be at the interview.

Me (Realising that this weird person (not recognised yet) is referring to the DP interviews being held in Nuova Lazio High today)  (I am not on the interview list, but applied for the job)  (I am, as you would guess, a tad miffed about not getting on the bloody short list) What do you want?

MMC (Gave name which I couldn't make out) I'm stuck

Me: What?

MMC:  I'm stuck, I can't delete I mean put a line through a word

Me:  What?

MMC:  I can't put a line through it.

Me:  (Light slowly dawns as to identitiy of caller, an ICT-challenged collaegue at Nuova Lazio High) Are you talking about using strikeouts?

MMC:  Yes  (pause) I think so.  It'as where you can remove a word but leave it there.

Me:  Delete or strike through?

MMC:  What?

Me: Do you want to draw a line through some words on your page?

MMC:  Yeah, that's what I've been saying (in a slightly huffy tonme)

Me:  What program are you using?

MMC:  What?

Me:  Are you using Microsft Word?

MMC:  Yes ("of course" muttered under his breath)

Me:  Highlight the text, select the Format menu .

MMC:  What?

Me:  Highlight the text, select the Format menu  form the top of the screen.

MMC:  Oh I see it now.

Me:  Now select the Font option, and you'll see some checkboxes in the dialogue box that opens up.  Select the strikeout option.

MMC:  (Long Pause) What?

Me:  Now select the Font option, and you'll see some checkboxes in the dialogue box that opens up.

Choose the strikeout type that suits you.

MMC:  Oh, I've got it now.

Me:  OK, see you.

MMC: Yeah, thanks.  (Hangs up)

I look at the clock.  It's 7:50 am.

I know I'm regarded as the go-to guy for computing, but this is ridiculous.  30 seconds search on the net, or on MS Word help would have solved the problem.

I'm aware of an icy draft chilling my shoulder.  I look to my left and meet my beloved's glare. 
Oh Fuck. 
The phone call's woken her up.
She finally got to sleep around 4 am.  She's had about 3 hours sleep.  She looks really pissed.  It's obviously my fault.

Pissed Off Wife (I wish)

This is going to be an incredibly long day.

I'm going to have my revenge on MMC.

Maybe castrationn to start.  Then I'll get inventive.  And nasty.

Maybe give him 3 spells of dancing and drama.  Each day.  With a year 9 class
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.  (cough)

We were Hacked

It wasn't a virus.

I said on my last post that we had a computer virus in our school computers, but yesterday we found that was not the case.

I was pleasantly surprised to see our school system back up (well 80% of it anyway) yesterday morning when I got in at 7:30.  My estimate was in not really having a functional system until next week, because of the complexity of our system and because of the damage a virus can do.

By 2 pm, everything seemed to be working normally, so I went and had a chat with CH.  There had been a rumour floating around the school that a boy in Year 10 was responsible for the virus attack.  I know the boy concerned, and although he had been in a bit of trouble over misuse of the school computers, he wasn't malicious, and quite honestly I didn't think he had the knowledge.

CH now told me that although he had originally thought it was a virus, he had discovered while repairing the system, that we had been hacked.  Someone had logged onto our server remotely and changed many of the settings, causing the chaos of yesterday.  Whoever had done it had used an administrative logon and password.

I went and had a little chat with the year 10 suspect and his probable compatriot in crime, and while I discovered that he probably was involved in some way, he really hadn't done anything bad.  He wasn't the main culprit, although there was supporting evidence that he might have discovered the administrative logon and  password from a previous incident.  We sent him home (I use the word we here, as I had to get a DP to help in the interrogation questioning and sending home, as I don't have the authority to do so) to think what he had done, and to prepare a written statement for me on Monday.  I also told the boy that we had reported the incident to the Police (true) who would be investigating the incident (true) and who would be asking him questions next week (untrue) so he'd better get his story straight.

I went back to see CH to discuss the whole incident, and as he now knew it wasn't a virus, and as almost everything was back to normal, he had been investigating any changes to our system.  He then told me that he had found evidence linking one of our Year 11 pupils into the hacking attack.  This pupil is bright, very interested in computers, is in one of my computing classes and a bit devious.  He was a much stronger suspect than the original year 10 boy, and the evidence we now have is much more complete and objective than the rumours we had at the start.  I'm sure we've got him, and I've already banned him from the school network, and every member of staff has been sent an email with our suspect's name and picture, telling them not to let him near any school computer at any time.

The student involved is sitting an NZQA exam on Monday, so we'll pick him up when he finishes that.  He might even be reading this post, so here's a piece of advice to him. 

If you're going to logon to the school servers to change the security settings, don't use a school computer to do it, and don't use your real logon.  Every change is logged and we know who you are, where you logged on from, and when you did it.  Don't plan on gaining any more computer qualifications at our or any school, because you won't be touching a computer for the foreseeable future.

There's a good kiwi expression for what you now are.

Can you guess?

Here's a picture to help you.

That's Odd?

I don't like surprises, especially when the unexpected event occurs on my computer.  As I logged onto my office computer yesterday morning at my usual time of 7:10 (to get the relief set), my normal Windows desktop (a lovely picture of Mitre Peak) had been replaced by a full screen graphic of Wal-E.

Nobody should be able to change my desktop appearance, unless I had left myself logged-on.  But my computer was in a locked office.  Oh well, I'd figure it out later, then focused on getting the relief cover finalised.  Everything seemed to be OK though, the KAMAR program was working normally.

Now in the morning, my routine is based around communication.  Staff can let me know about sickness etc. via my mobile phone, my school phone (which has voicemail) or by email to me a the school. 
I checked my mobile, nothing.
I checked my voicemail on my school phone, nothing
I checked my email, nothing.  Actually it really was completely nothing, because my school email wasn't working.
"Huh" I thought, the email server's down again (it happens about once a month)

As I began to print out the relief sheets, some other staff were arriving, and I heard one of them complaining about her computer looking funny.

I went out to check, and lo and behold, Wal-E was appearing on every computer in the workroom.  More than odd.  Only our Computer Guy (Carrot Head) could do that, and I didn't think that CH was that much a fan of Wal-E. 

The only other alternative was a virus

I wet back to my own computer and checked.  No network icons were appearing on my explorer, which implied a network failure, but KAMAR was stored and ran from our networked server.
That's Odd.

We had a computer virus.  We were stuffed.

No printers, no photocopiers, no prepared work, no email to let people know what was happening.
Then the KAMAR program went down.
No rolls, no attendances, no timetables.

Pre-computer civilization

It began to dawn on the staff how dependant we had become on our technology, as we reverted to hand-written roles and lesson plans, and dug old class-sets of resources out of long-term storage.  Because we couldn't photocopy, we had to re-use old stuff.

Then of course the icing on the bloody cake, we were told that the year 10s were coming in, that the rostering-off industrial action had been cancelled by our useless union..

We got the first period sorted out the school lurched into its usual semi-chaotic state.  Then CH told me that the system would be down for at least that day, and maybe longer.

Holiday at the beach

It turned out to be a very strange day, with almost a holiday atmosphere.  Very few seniors about, about 16 year 10s, and our year 9s.  The kids knew very quickly about the computer system being down, and most of them being nice Kiwi kids, they accepted the problem, and didn't (mostly) cut up because they weren't doing their normal work (which was buried somewhere in our very sick computer system)

I'm going in now to set today's relief.  I've got all my lists on paper (I'm a computer scientist, I REALLY KNOW how computers can stuff-up, so everything I need for my relief job is also on hard copy) so I'm all set.  I hope we're back up to a minimum service today, but I'm not sure.

If I was a religious man, I'd pray.  But I'm not, so I'll trust in human ingenuity and also bring in a bloody big hammer.  Most technical problems can be solved by bigger and heavier hammers.

I used to like that silly Wal-E film.  Not any more.

Virtual Me

Today all of the HOFs (Head of Faculty) have a cosy little get together and discuss items of importance to our faculties and our school. We normally discuss things like exam arrangements, changes in NZQA rules and regulations, ERO vists etc.  Anything which can impact on our students learning and our teaching can be on the agenda.
This meeting will mostly be about our class structures for next year; who's teaching what, in which room.
But there is an extra item on today's agenda.  Ringo is going to talk to us on Virtual Learning.

Some schools in our region are trying out the use of netbook computers for their students, where they are used to generate electronic portfolios of the student's work, allow access to research tools on the WWW and to participate in an electronic forum, to exchange ideas and concepts, ask questions and hopefully, get answers.

It sounds like a good idea, and there is nothing intrinsically wrong with it, but I'm going to oppose it.

Not because the idea is from RIngo, we're both (I hope) too professional to allow personal differences to intrude.  No, it's because I think it's a waste of money.

To set this up, just for one class we would have to buy 30 Netbooks at about $500 each, install a high bandwidth wireless network and develop some sort of security scheme so our little angels won't be tempted to nick the netbooks.  The whole thing would cost about $20,000 to set up and maintain for the first year.

We have no money in our budget for this.  We, like most NZ schools are so strapped for cash that we;
charge the pupils for their printing
charge the pupils for their work books
charge them for their ID cards
sell compulsory uniforms at a profit

We've just spent on new servers, switches and network infrastructure to the sum of $140,000
We're just about to place an order for 90 new desktop computers to keep our system up to date (about $850 each)
We're going to upgrade to Windows 7 and Office 2010
We've got a higher ratio of computers to students than most schools in the region, because we want our kids to get the best education we can possibly afford, and many of the newer courses (Tourism, CAD) are designed to be delivered via computer.  We really need another classroom of full desktop computers to allow our Integrated Learning classes from Year 9 to fully develop their ideas, and spending money on these limited use Netbooks seems wasteful to me.

Netbooks are great if all you want to do is access the Internet/WWW.  It has been argued that they could use things like Google Docs, or other web based tools, and they can.
But.
All of these web based applications originate on US servers, and the communications pipeline out of NZ and Australia is relatively narrow, and quite slow.  Our pipe out of Nuova Lazio is also narrow, and we don't get good bandwidth, so using web based applications isn't on for the next few years.

The rationale given by Ringo seemed to be that using these systems would allow our pupils to become familiar with social networking software and usage, and the forums would allow them to freely exchange ideas, and the e-portfolios would allow them to maintain a historical sequence of work and ideas.

Apart from the cost, why?
Our kids don't really need to be familiarised with social networking or forums.  When I'm teaching our Year 10s HTML tags, I was surprised this year how many (well over 75%) already knew how to use and create tags for HTML.  They use them in their facebook and other forum pages.
If they want to store historical documents, the current school network gives every pupil 500Mb of storage, which will expand to 5 Gb next year, so they can store documents to their heart's content and can recall anything they've made since they started in school.

I just think the whole idea is a waste of money and effort.  We should be focusing more on the basics, like attendance, class discipline, and even making sure our kids get fed before they come to school.



Just to keep Fflur happy, here's a picture of a blond without any clothes pole-dancing.

Enjoy

The Work of the Devil

I spent a most enjoyable weekend with my beloved and my son, who returned to the family home from the further reaches of Cuba St. in Wellington.  We went for a walk down the Hutt River by Akatarawa

 (actually, it's a measure of how long I've been in NZ that I can spell that without looking it up) with the little dog.  Thoroughly enjoyed it.  We had a lovely dinner of Roast Mutton (cooked with a special marinade that is just superb) then I drove my son back into Wellington,
When I returned, I was aware of a certain iciness in the atmosphere.
What had I done?

I quickly checked the little things that all married men do as a routine.
Fly undone?  No
Farted in last 5 minutes?  No
Forgotten Birthday?  No
Forgotten Wedding Anniversary?  No
Forgotten Engagement Anniversary?  (I kid you not)  No
Forgotten to give little kiss on returning?  No
Forgotten to put out rubbish?  No
Forgotten to dry up dishes and put away in the exact and proper place for each?  No
Drunk?  No
Lipstick on shirt?  No

Everything seemed OK, so I did what all married men do in this situation, I ignored it, sat down and watched TV with my beloved.

IMPORTANT NOTE TO ALL NON-MARRIED OR RECENTLY MARRIED MEN.
Do not under any circumstances actually ASK what is wrong.  That way lies madness, sadness, grief, pain and possibly tears.  It might even escalate to having a discussion about "feelings" or "the state of the relationship" or even duration/quality/frequency of sex.  Be warned.

After the program had finished it was 9:30, and I thought I'd check my email and blogs before showering and bed.  (I have to get up at 5:30).
As I sat down at the computer (it's in the corner of the living room) I was aware of a re-doubling of the iciness in the atmosphere.  I quickly checked and shut down.

Then my beloved explained why she was upset.  Our son, whom she hadn't seen for 4 weeks had spent almost all of his non-eating and drinking time on the computer, watching streaming videos and TV shows.
I spent far too much time emailing, blogging and working ( I am an ICT teacher) on that bloody electronic mistress (pointing at my poor little PC)
Because I had a computer in the house, it was obviously my fault that my son spent all his free time on the web.

IT WAS A MACHINE OF THE DEVIL.

Years of experience came immediately to the fore.

Forget reason or logic.  This is a woman we're dealing with.

I apologised profusely.  It was all my fault.  I shouldn't have bought it in the first place.  My son was an idiot, ignoring his mum that way.  I would make sure to disable the computer before his next visit.  I wouldn't use the computer as much when I got home from school, etc., etc., etc.
Yes, it was completely spineless, but it worked.  Peace reigned.  The atmosphere warmed.  Cuddles in bed showed all was right in the Universe again.

Until next time.

If I start cycling too much, will my bike have been possessed by Satan?

We'll see.