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Wednesday, 6 April 2011

But the Flesh is Weak

Autumn is upon us, Winter is around the corner and the teachers are getting tired and ill.  Regardless of having the 'flu jabs on Monday, more and more teachers are complaining of headaches, nausea, dizziness, sudden mood changes and a general malaise.

It's the dreaded endoftermitis.

It doesn't matter how long you've been teaching, no one is immune. 
The symptoms do vary slightly between individuals, but here's a list of the common attributes.

Nausea at the start of the day (similar to morning sickness) which intensifies when you meet your first class of pupils.


Headache which persists through all medication.  This can intensify to almost disabling levels after you've answered the same bloody question from the same bloody kid for the FIFTH bloody time.


Dizziness which can cause erratic walking patterns.  Seems to be at it maximum as you start your patrol for canteen duty.  The disorientation produced can cause you to walk away from your duty area and end up sitting down in the staffroom.

Sudden mood change.  This can cause normally placid individuals to snarl at friends, shout at pupils (well, more than normal) curse the SMT (especially Ringo) and in extreme cases, smile beatifically at everyone.  This last expression of endoftermitis should be treated as a warning sign, and can mean the individual concerned has reached the breaking point. Treat with caution, there's no telling what the crazy bastard poor pedagogical proponent is going to do.

General Malaise, typified by feet dragging when walking to class, uncontrolled weeping when seeing 10DK, inability to get out of bed in the morning (even when being breathed upon by the "Ginger Bastard") no longer laughing at TSB's or Dancing Bear's jokes, complete apathy when volunteers are asked to cover classes and an inability to "look on the funny side".
    There is a final symptom, terrifying in it's implications, that when seen requires immediate and drastic attention.  It is a refusal to drink alcohol.

    When this point is reached, for the individual's safety, alcohol must be forced down his/her throat.  Failure to do so is exceedingly dangerous to all concerned, as the symptoms may spread rapidly throughout the staff.


    Always carry a bottle or two of any strong alcoholic beverage (whisky is strongly recommended) ready for instant application to needy patients.   (There is a study from Scotland which indicates that regular and frequent doses of an alcohol-type substance acts as a prophylactic agent for endoftermitis. See Robb D. , Walker J., and Macallan T.; Strathspey Research Labs.)



    1. "even when being breathed upon by the Ginger Bastard"
      By the way, I never write the ginger bastard's name with capitals - it might give him ideas above his station.

    2. I am suffering from endoftermitis - its such a long term! I do have a little fixation on pear cider by Magners at the moment and they come in a deliciously large bottle.

    3. Whoa - 'Winter's on the way' What? WINTER'S ON THE WAY?

      Oh - thank God - Just realised again your an Antipodean. Nearly woke me up there. Please be careful. I nearly spilled my Talisker.

    4. Richard[of RBB]: You are always prepared. I take my hat of to you.
      I didn’t know that ginger bastard could read. What a clever moggie.

      Fflur: Pear Cider? sounds horrible. Large bottle? great.

      Alistair: Don't be sarcastic. :=0 I know you know that Scottish Winters can be differentiated from Scottish Summers only by the lack of midges. Spilling Talsiker is not a capital offence. Not on the first occasion anyway.


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