|According to the French, the way to health are these Glycerin suppositories. Stuff them.|
My Beloved (note the promotion to the full capital. Again) has said I must adopt a more healthy lifestyle.
As I always listen carefully to everything my Beloved says, I will be very careful to adopt a more healthy lifestyle.
Every time I eat a bag of fish and chips, I'll balance them with a ¼ of an apple.
Every time I eat a steak and cheese pie (endemic here in sunny NZ) I'll balance it with a grape.(peeled)
Every time I drink a beer, I'll moderate it's influence with a bag of potato crisps, plus a handful of pickled onions and a spoonful of stuffed olives. We must keep up the vegetable intake, it's vital to health.
If I partake of the distilled Scottish beverage (and I'm definitely NOT referring to a bottle of Buckfast Wine, or Bucky as it is known to it's aficionados, or even a bottle of Fortified British Sherry, much loved when mixed with cider and known as SnakeBite by the zombies that imbibe) then I try and ameliorate the extremely deleterious effects by chasing the usquebaugh with a healthy glug of a malt beverage, high in vitamins, minerals and proteins and hops.
The ultimate sacrifice on my part is going semi-voluntarily for a swimming session in the public pool. I obviously fortify myself before confronting the exertion of swimming
However I feel I should make a greater effort in complying with my Beloved's wishes to be healthier so we can spend more of our "Golden Years Together" *shudders uncontrollably for 10 minutes, retching into a bowl*, so I've been experimenting with various healthy mixtures.
Brandy, Honey and Warm Milk. When accompanied by a small amount of grated nutmeg, it's quite palatable. Health Score (HS) 5
Warm Beer and 5 Spice. Absolutely revolting, makes a good purgative. HS 3
Cider and Grapefruit Juice. Quite drinkable when ice-cold, but a bit acid and gassy. HS 4.5
(or HS -135.6 if you take anti-hypertension medication)
Whisky, Honey and Hot Water (The traditional Hot Toddy)
HS 5.5 If lemon juice added, HS 7.32 (Vitamin C)
Gin, Tonic Water (Not the Crap-Tasting Diet option, but the full sugar version), the freshly squeezed juice of 1 lemon, an effervescent Berocca tablet and ice. Very drinkable and absolutely packed with vitamins, minerals and quinine. Not only healthy, but helps to kill malarial parasites
HS 19.77 (HS 19.43 if using commercial lemon juice)
Water. No vitamins, minerals or anything really.. It's mainly the absence of everything. Think of it as bugger-all in a glass.
|Says it all really|