For blogs with less than 300 Followers

For blogs with less than 300 Followers
Thanks to Hestia's Larder for this delightful award.
(For Blogs with less than 300 Followers)

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

It's going to be a bastard

I just know that today is really going to be a bastard of a day.

Even at this ungodly hour I'm getting text messages proclaiming illness, plague, death of nearest and dearest and my all time favourite, "Mental Health Day".  All these are the excuses reasons given by teachers wanting a day off, and informing me so I can arrange for a relieving teacher.

The aftermath of Ringo's last class conference

One of the reasons I think for the huge increase is a "class conference" arranged by Ringo for a particularly naughty class.  Some of the staff just don't want to get involved, and I'm not too sure it'll do any good anyway, but if the poor sods need cover I try and arrange it.

However, relieving teachers are now getting a bit short on the ground.  Many have been booked up as teachers all over the region skive off go on Professional Development courses, and others have fled the country looking for some sort of gainful employ (preferably far away from kids) and still others have decided to bugger off on a holiday.

So I've arranged the cover, but it's mostly internal, so the teachers who actually turn up for work have to cover the classes of those who've stayed at home.

That sounds fair

Sounds fair, doesn't it?

Does it buggery!

But whoever said life was fair?

The banner of RTCO-OSS

I try and adjust the relief in an equable manner, by using an ancient algorithm known to all of the devotees of the Relief Teacher Co-ordinator Secret Society.
We (the devotees of the RTCO-OSS, pronounced Right-Cuss) have a secret name for this mystical and powerful algorithm, which I can not divulge under pain of pain, but we do have an everyday name.


We call it "Get the bastards first"

It's quite simple really.

Teachers who take time off for a genuine bereavement, or a ferocious dose of the flu, or even a Cardiac Infarction are treated gently, never given class covers unless absolutely essential, and always matched up with their specialities.  So a Maths teacher will get mostly Maths or perhaps Physics classes., and Music teachers get Music (Sorry Richard[of RBB], youve got one today)

Yep, he really needs a day off

Teachers who take a few too many days off, spread over the term are treated a little more harshly.  They come near the top of my list, and I'm not just as caring when I match up the classes, so a Maths teacher may get an English class, or a notorious technophobe may get a computing class.

But the algorithm keeps its worst for the perpetually sick.  Those individuals who seem to have had 16 Grannies pass away in the last year, those who take a week off because of an infected hangnail, or because their dog isn't well.  These are the ones we keep for the special classes.

10LB trying to make wooden shorts from Basla wood under the supervision of J.A.Suthwaite (B.A. Oxon (Failed))

So we get PE teachers taking 10DK in the woodwork room, or ENG303 (commonly known as the knuckle draggers for their curious similarity to Orang-Utans and the lesser species of Chimpanzees) on a Friday spell 5.  We keep the ultimate selection for the last, the most obnoxious, the most absent for the vaguest reasons ("I've got the vapours, TSB", or "It's Friday",  "I always feel unwell on Fridays")

I give them DRAMA and DANCE.

Just love Snoop Dog's music. *retch*

There is something inherently amusing in watching a skyving bastard of a teacher trying vainly to control a class of hyperactive teenagers trying to emulate "Trees in the Autumn" or doing their version of Coppelia to Rap Music.

Click to expand the text.  It's actualy worth it.

Revenge can be terribly sweet.


  1. You have to do what you can. I don't envy you your job.

  2. That music class had some tough nuts and the teacher had left them Edward Scissorhands to watch! Needless to say, I switched videos and showed them School of Rock.
    Hey, I'm not stupid! I mean Edward bloody Scissorhands!

  3. Patience_Crabstick: Yes we do. It's not too bad, i just like to be a grouch. I find it very calming. It beats the hell out of measuring, homogenising and boiling human faeces for a fat assay, that I did in a previous job.

    Richard [of RBB]: I did wonder a bit about the choice of film when I saw it left for you, but i thought "What the Hell";"He's a Music Teacher" ; "He can cope with anything"

    Next time show them IF.

  4. You can't believe everything you read on the internet but there was a site about "genuine" excuses given for not going to work.

    My two favourites were "I can only find one shoe" and (just suspend belief for a sec) "I thought I was at work".

    HTF do you "think" you were at work??

  5. looby: absolutely bloody amazing. Maybe I've been thinking I've been at work everyday, but I'm actually sitting in a drug den in Macau. Could explain a lot. Especially the kids. And the demons, but sometimes I get confused.
    Don't mention the headaches.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Site Meter