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Thursday, 6 September 2012

TSB Ends Up In Court (1)

Now at last, the tale, oft put off, about the reason why I had a gap in my posts.

I was preoccupied.

I had to go to court.

The Recorder (a Kiwi version of a magistrate?) looked over to the dock.

"This is a very serious event Mr R***", he said in a dry, yet distinctly threatening voice.

"Not only were you found driving an automobile whilst being disqualified, but the offence which caused this court to disqualify you the first time was only one month ago"

"What do you have to say for yourself?"


"Speak up R***, I cannot hear you"

"Sorry Sir"

This whole business started 2 weeks before.

I had been at home, reclining in the large leather armchair and watching the usual crap on TV when the phone went.

It was m'son, who apparently desired a lift home from Wellington.

"The car's broken down Dad, and it's been towed away, could you come and get me?"

A parent's life is a life full of hardship, frustration and occasionally, despair.
And lots of acting like a taxi driver.

I went to get him.(Luckily, it was the weekend, and Mr Whisky had yet to be visited, so I could drive safely)

On the way home we discussed his car.

It had had some sort of radiator implosion the month before, and I suspected that some long-term damage had been done to the engine of the 14 year old Toyota, so I wasn't terribly surprised that it had broken down, although I was pleasantly surprised on m'son's initiative in getting it towed away to a place of repair.

Normally that sort of advanced organisation is left to Dad, who always comes through with efficiency and care.

It turned out that he had broken down in a busy main road and that it had been towed to Porirua, a town some 20km away.  Rather a surprising destination I thought, as there were plenty of other towing companies much closer, but perhaps that was the first company he had contacted.

The next week, back at school, I was in my tiny office, just completing the numerous and tedious tasks which fill part of my day.

I had arranged  to pick up m'son from his place of work in Wellington, with the purpose of going out to Porirua and collecting the car.

Nice thought

Then I had a thought.

Then I got my mind back from the lovely place I had been visiting and had another thought.
Normal thought
How much money would it take to get the car back?

 I was pretty sure that m'son wouldn't have had enough cash on him to pay the towing company, so I found the company on the web and phoned them, getting through to the office administrator, a nice lady (NL).

My image of what the Nice Lady looked like

The conversation went like this.

Me: "Hello, this is Mr TSB, I understand that you have my (I was the legal owner, never having transferred ownership to m'son) car on your premises"  :It was towed away from Wellington on Wednesday after it broke down"

NL: "What's the registration number Mr TSB?"

Me: "It's ******, it's a blue Toyota Corsa"

NL: "Oh, yes, we have it here"

Me: "How much will I have to pay to get it back, and can I pick it up this afternoon?"

NL: "Ehhh..., just a minute"
*sound of rustling papers*

NL: "I'm sorry, you can't pick it up today, you will have to wait the 28 days until the police release it from impound"

Me: "Ehhh...What do you mean impound?" "It broke down in Wellington and you towed it back"

NL: "I'm sorry Mr TSB, but it was definitely an impound, you'll have to speak to Senior Sergeant Whatsisname in Wellington, he was the responsible policeman"

Me: "Ehhhhh...Are you sure?" "It was only broken down" "What was the problem?"

NL: "I don't know what the problem was, but you'll have to speak to Senior Sergeant Whatsisname in Wellington, he was the responsible policeman"

Me: *Thinks WTF is going on??* "Thank you, do you have his number?"  

NL: "Sorry, there's no number given, try Wellington Main Police station, it's *** ******"  

Me: "Thanks for your help, I'll be back in touch"  

I hung up.  

I took a very deep breath.  

I carefully stood up and:
1. Kicked the cupboard.
2. Shouted "I'll kill the little bastard" in a full throated screaming bellow.
3. Stomped off for a restorative cup of tea.  

My face must have been conveying my inner emotions, because the few kids about got out of my way sharpish.  

The next exciting and enthralling installment: TSB finds out the truth.


  1. Ah such are the joys of parenthood. I can see where this tale is going. BTW how did your payroll run ro for NLHS yesterday TSB? Did your releivers get paid? I did not and am still trying to get answers from my school. Not too happy atm.

    1. Parenthood can be fun, but not too often.
      Novopay stuffed things up, but I've managed to get all of my relievers paid. I ahd to enter a manual form and email it in for each releiver and for each week.

      I would suggest printing your payslip and taking it in, so they can compare your expected pay with what they have on file.

  2. Your son is developing valuable life skills about how to conceal the worst of the truth. He obviously still needs practice.

    1. Doesn't he just. Especially the one about TELLING HIS OLD DAD THE TRUTH and nothing else. But I expect that's a bit too much to expect.

      What REALLY annoyed me was him hoping that I wouldn't notice that the Police were involved.

      What did he expect?

      The Tooth Fairy to wave her bloody wand and make everything better?

  3. There really is no way to win in the end.

    1. Well, seeing that you're a lawyer Loach, I'd have thought that you'd be familar with all the little pecadillos related to human weaknesses.

      Anyway, there is a way to win in the end.


  4. I knew they'd catch up with you eventually TSB, all that time on the run followed by your stint in the Witness Protection Program has done you no good at all. I can only suggest you take my previous advice and take up the swag, get thee to Australia where you can live out your days peacefully hiding on the side of the nations roads somewhere quiet...

    1. Ah, Dear Tempo, I knew your keen mind would spot the connection. That's why i hide under the pseudonym of TSB.

      Ronald Cray is just too recognisable.

      I'm not to keen on your suggestion of licing on the side of your roads, as I don't think I could survive on the occasional roadkill kangaroo.

      I also am not madly keen about snakes. Or spiders. Or Julia Gillard.

    2. Our Julia.... It's not so much that you have to like Julia, more that she's the lesser of two evils..just!
      Not into eating Skippy? We do have Wombats, Rabbits, Rats and the Snakes are surprisingly eatable. (if they dont get you first) There are lots of Lizards most of which are quite my Aboriginal mate tells me and if all else fails there are loads of New Zealand Backpackers, I'm sure you could cook and eat a few of those without anyone noticing..

  5. Give a young man a motor vehicle and it's bound to go tits-up. It's like giving them a second willy.

    1. *sigh* I'm afraid you are correct Mr Bananas.

      In the 8 years since we gave him the vehicle (a substantial fraction of my niggardly savings)he hasn't washed it once, and I was the burke who checked its oil.

      Do young blokes need a second willy?

      They certainly need a good dose of common sense.

    2. Many young blokes would be better off with very limited access to their first willie IMHO.

      Or at least with access coming with a disclaimer notice in bold print.

    3. Alistair, do you write from personal experience?

      Do you have a second willie?

      Plase share your experiences with us, we're waiting with interest.

      And it/they should come with some form of instruction manual.

  6. oh no! TSB in COURT!!!!!!!!

    I am wondering how he will cunningly work a photo of a scantily clad lady into that blog post without incurring the wrath of the Justice System ;-)

    Plus you are scaring me witless as to what your lovely son has done *pops open the Pringles and awaits the next episode*

    Better than Dallas. But with less oil.


    1. Hi again AliX, yes, I was wondering how to get such a photo into my post, but after long and vigorous research, I do believe that I may have found a way, without being of course, completely gratuitous. Just wait and see :=)

      I'm sorry if I scared you with these revelations of m'son's silliness, but I suppose you can look forward to Sonshine doing something silly in the future as well.

      Mmmm...Pringles...I'm not allowed Pringles any more.

      Less oil?

      I'll try and get some more images of baby oil saturated wenches into my next post as well.

      Thanks for the idea Ali.

  7. Well, if it makes you feel better, my son once got pissed and drove someone else's 4 wheel drive into the ocean. At least he survived. Let's hope they learn eventually.

    1. Thjanks Richard, and good morning. Thanks for trying to reduce my pain. It does help a little, but I think we both know from our experiences in NLHS how self-centered and oblivious to consequences teenagers can be.

      Yes, they do learn eventually, but it's painful observing the experience.

  8. That little GOBSHITE! They are all gobshites, I can't even print what my daughter told me last week! I will leave to your imagination :-)

    1. Oh go on - print it. We won't tell anyone......

    2. Ohh, that hit a nerve Di. I'm sorry to have caused you to relive what was obviously a traumatic experience, but I can't believe that that lovely girl shown on your blog would do anything really wrong, she looks like an angel.

      I'm with Alistair, tell us the nitty-gritty. We'll be good, and we won't tell anyone else. Promise.

    3. No, I couldn't possibly, not even after a few G&Ts. She is a smashing girl and everything you see in the photos. She's just growing up and learning the hard way! She is however the opposite to yer'son and tells us everything, way too much information! Ignorance could well possibly be bliss :-). It's all good, nobody died.

    4. OOhh, you are a tease.

      "Nobody Died"?

      Did someone nearly die?
      Could you at least give us a hint?

      For instance were the police involved?

    5. Stop it! If I told you I would have to kill you! :-)
      Nobody nearly died, nobody's pregnant, nobody got a tattoo. Sorry I said anything, I thought it would make you feel better to know other parents get shit thrown at them too. Let it go TSB. I will tell you one day when we share a single malt in London. You are coming right?

    6. OK Di,
      I don't want you to feel under pressure to release the gretes secret of the Universe.

      It's your choice oh secretive one.

      Thanks for trying to make me feel better. I do realise that other parents get it as well, but thanks for sharing. We do love them.

      I probably won't be going to London, ever, as apart from the museums I detest the place, but thanks for the thought about the single malt.

      Have one on me.

  9. My son will be able to learn to drive next year. I think I'll tell him all the cool dudes go by bus.

    1. Excellent idea, but, doomed to failure I'm afraid.

      There is a collective consciousness shared by all teenagers, and ever since Cliff Richard went on that bloody bus on a "Summer Holiday", everyone knows buses are definitely not cool.

      I would also suggest starting to save now, because when you see the increase in your car insurance premium, you're not going to believe it.

      Best of luck.

  10. There was a gap?


    Mr. Whiskey visits you, too!? Tell him he owes me $5 bucks and I'm tired of waiting for it.

    The Truth? With a capital "T?" That truth? You can't handle it. The Truth will always make mincemeat of a man. As I'm sure we're about to find out in the next installment.

    1. Yes TUB, there was a gap. So nice of you to not notice. It makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside.

      Mr Whisky (notice the missing e that shoud never appear in any version of the drink made lovingly in Scotland) has been a good friend for over 30 years, ever since I discovered Uncle Single Malt and the whole family. I'll tell him about the $5 tonight.

      Truth is really a strange concept, as is reality. Why do most teenagers take so long to realise that just because they want something to be true doesn't make it so.

      Ah well, they do find out eventually, unless they go into politics or the media.

  11. Waiting for the next installment. With barely controlled anticipation, peanuts and beer. And maybe some duck tongues. ;)

    1. Hi Alison, thanks for dropping by agan and leaving a comment.

      I'm glad that I've whetted your interest, and i applaud your choice of snacks used.

      Peanuts and beer go so well together.

      Not too sure about the Duck tongues.

      I know you mentioned them on your last post, but I'm not really sure if I could try them.

      For some strange (and possibly pathological) reason, every time somebody mentions Duck tongues, the image that pops into my head is of French-Kissing a Mallard.

  12. I'm buying a good scotch for part deux. May the gods have mercy.

    Oh how I hate courtroom stories. There's no good in it except for the drunk after.

    1. Thanks Austan, enjoy the silken caress of the glorious flavours and essences embedded in the best spiritous liquor produced on the good earth. Or just get smashed. Either way you'll feel better.

      This isn't really a courtroom story.

      More of a grim and twisted tale of wrong-doing, deceit and retribution. Just like most families.

  13. Situations like this are one of the reasons why I think driving/car ownership is overated.
    Plus, on public transport, you get a better class of nutcase sitting next to you.

    1. I must admit that mostly car ownership is a boon for me. If I took public transport, it would entail one train journey, one bus journey and a fair walk twice a day.

      I have also found that in Public transport there is a larger chance of meeting interesting nutcases, and of being assaulted/vomited on/kissed by the inebriate.

      You have never really lived (or faced up to your essential mortality) until you have taken the overnight train from London to Glasgow AFTER a Scotand - England soccer match at Wembly. It's horrendous after (as per the norm) Scotland loses, but it's close to apocalyptic after Scotland actually and rarely wins.

      I won't go into too much detail, as I know you are of a sensitive disposition.

  14. Intrigue and violence (kicking the cupboard) if this has the making of a movie in it I nominate Jason Statham to play the lead role ;-)

  15. I would suggest that is more about deceipt thsn intrigue, but I did enjoy that spilt second of violence. Scared the hell out of the pupils waiting outside my room though. I thought they'd shit themselves.

    Sorry, Jason Statham isn't handsome enough to play my good self. Pehaps an ageing Clooney or a younger Connery would fit the bill.

  16. at least There's no secret to how you get your blog visits is high. I suspect 300,000 of your recent 400,000 accomplishment those like me who check in regularly for the next exciting event in your life. This time though, it's particularly cruel as you have clearly stated this is an episoded story of classic soap opera proportions. We await .... and continue to send your sitemeter sky rocketing.

    1. Hiya Tracy,
      good point. I thought similarly at first until I di a more thorough job of analysing the stats. (More at the end)
      I'm glad you find my tales of everyday life exciting...I find them either bloody boring (arranging the f*cking relief), frustrating (trying to get the kids to sit still and really LISTEN to the pearls of wisdom I am throwing in their general direction) and frightening (dealing with Ringo and Pompous)

      The analysis shows that the most popular thing on my blog is this

      Go figure.

    2. At least we know you are consistent TSB. Consistent about Tits and Bums of the womanly curvy variety. Not really a leg kinda guy are you?

    3. I am so shocked about your last derogatory comment. Of course I like legs, as long as they're shaply and connected to well-proportioned bums. The female chest protuberances are, I must admit, a bit of a fantasy-centring obsession.

      I just like the female form.

      Every age from *cough* 17 to 40. Past 40 it does depend, but in all cases, I do prefer something a bit cuddly to the anorexic skeletal "boy-frame" that seems so popular on the modelling catwalk.

  17. Yes, TSB - that is another reason your blog rates high, I think. Once you put 'smutty pic' into a google image search and use the image you then become the first link when the next person uses the same search terms. Anyone who puts in a certain google image search (not at all risque!) a photo of me from my blog comes up tops - weird!

    But mostly, the reason it rates high is it's a cracking good read!

    1. Thanks for the positive comment Tracey, I do appreciate your input. I remember when for some reason, I got over 1000 hits a day from Argentina, all loking at some wierd image I'd posted.

  18. Replies
    1. So was I at the time.

      Just to put your mind at rest, it turns out badly, very badly.

      Feel better now?

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