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Tuesday, 11 September 2012

TSB Ends up in Court (3)

So after discovering that everything was not "all right", I decided to phone the primary mover-and-shaker (m'son) and try to find out WTF was going on.
We had agreed to meet at his place of work after I had finished school, and I knew he was pretty busy during the day.

So I decided to use that new-fangled piece of TechnoTomFoolery called texting, sorry, txting.

See, even though I am rapidly approaching my 7th decade on this godforsaken object we call Earth (although Richard [of RBB] calls it Jasper) I am fully cool and aware of the modernisms inherent in using such advanced devices called mobile phones.

SEE.  I've got a mobile.
As an aside, one of the (many) things that bring my blood pressure to a teeming boil, is the silliness of modern youth who refrain from using punctuation in their txts.  What harm did the comma, apostrophe, capitalisation, question marks and especially, unambiguous "spelling" do to them. 

If they txt brg drnk, does it mean:
Bring Drink?
Boring Drunk?
Burg Dronk?

Txting is fine, but the sense must be clear, or otherwise why bother.

Anyway, I txtd m'son.

Me: Why was your car towed away?

Him: Y  (See what I mean.  Does this mean why or does it mean Yes?)

Me: Just tell me.  Why did the Police have your car towed away?

Him: Oh.

Me: Just fkn TELL me.  (See, clear, unambiguous and in no way breaching any misuse of a radio transmission for the broadcasting of fkn Obscenities Act (1981))

F.F.F.F.F*cking Radio

Him: I wuz goin 2 (apart from the spelling *shudder* where was the poor apostrophe for the missing "g"?)

Me: Well is there any point in me picking you up?

Him: nt reely.  I wuz goin 2 tel u when u saw me.

Me (after taking a deep breath): If you're (see, apostrophe) in trouble, tell me and I'll help.

Him : I stuffed up Dad.  I feel so bad.

Me: Right, please phone me and just tell me my wee dear.  I do love you you know, and we'll sort this out.

Him: OK

I answered my phone 5 minutes later.

Him: "Sorry Dad, I was going to tell you when I saw you.  I had my licence suspended last month and the cops stopped me in Wellington, found out my licence was suspended and impounded the car."

Me: "Why didn't you tell me?"

Him: "I was too ashamed, and also worried that Mum would go ballistic"

Me: "Was there drink involved?"

Him: "No Dad, just something silly.  There was no accident or drugs or anyone hurt, I promise"

Me: "OK son, you just go home as normal tonight and we'll tell Mum"

Hurts worse than a rectum full of Napalm
Him: "OH NO, I don't want to tell Mum, she'll be so disappointed"

Me: "Don't worry about it.  We just want you safe at home.  Well sort something out.  We all love you, but you need to tell me the truth"

Him: "OK Dad, thanks, I love you too.  I've been so worried I couldn't sleep, and I feel so sick"

Me: "I'll see you at home and we'll sort out how to tell Mum"  "OK now?"

Him: "Thanks so much Dad, I feel better.  See you"

Back to teaching classes for the rest of the day, then back in my wee office working on some relief/exam problems, when my phone rings.

"Hello is that Mr TSB?" said a gruff voice that I recognised as being SSRB from Porirua

"Yes, is that you SSRB?"

"Yes Sir (thank goodness, the sir was back) I wanted to let you know that I've discovered all the details of what happened to your son and your car"  "I was a bit upset when I tried to find out the details, because the new Officer who was responsible had lost or mucked up the relevant paperwork."

He then recounted the details, just as m'son had told me.  Whew, the wee sod had actually told me the truth.

Me: "Thanks so much SSRB, I managed to get the story from him this afternoon"  "What's the next thing I have to do"

SSRB: "You will need the relevant paper work Mr TSB."  "A copy was given to your boy at the time, but *slightly amused yet understanding chuckle* sometimes these lads get too embarrassed to tell their parents"

Me: "I think that's what happened SSRB" "What happens next?"
SSRB: "You can get the car back in 28 days, and your boy will have to appear in court to face the charges"

Me: *Gulp* "Are the charges serious?

SSRB: "Not as such" "I tell you what" "I'll drop off copies of the charge and incident sheet at your home tonight, just in case they somehow get lost"

ME: "Much appreciated SSRB, you've been very understanding, thanks again" 

SSRB "I'll see you tonight then Sir, goodbye"

At home that night, SSRB dropped of the copies.  That's service for you.

M'son and I had a long chat, and I made it clear that HE would have to tell his Mum, not me.

It took him 2 days to work up the courage, but he told her.

She was disappointed, but understanding, and m'son could then sleep at night.

The next week, we appeared in court. (We, because I took the day off school to offer parental support) and the Recorder took a semi-sympathetic view of the incident.

Recorder (after hearing the police disposition) "Is this all true Mr TSB?"

Son: "Yes Sir"

Recorder: "I do hope you've learned your lesson Mr TSB, you cannot flout the court's ruling on your previous disqualification"

Son: "Yes Sir" "Sorry Sir"

Our Lawyer: "I believe that Mr TSB was ashamed of the previous incident Sir, and he tried to hide the disqualification from his parents"  His father is court today to offer his support"

The side of me my pupils see the most

The Recorder gazed over the various reprobates sitting in the court, immediately spotting me, resplendent in my Teacher's uniform of tweed jacket with red pens gleaming in the breast pocket.

He gave me an approving glance.

Recorder (to m'son): "Are you still living at home Mr TSB?"

Son: "Yes Sir"

Recorder: "How old are you Mr TSB?"

Son (looking rather shamefacedly at his feet): "26 Sir"

He'd better damn well move out before he looks like this.
Recorder: "Hmm...very well, a further 6 months disqualification and a fine of $650 plus court costs"  "I hope I do not see you again in court Mr TSB"

Son: "Yes Sir, sorry Sir"

We left.

M'son paid half of his fine immediately, and promised to pay the balance within one month.

We left and went for a pint (only one; I was driving, and had no intention of appearing in front of this Recorder for DUI)

We went home, and all was sweetness and light.

The car?

That'll teach you.
The next day I drove over to Porirua and arranged to have the car scrapped.

I did not want to offer him ANY temptation to re-offend, although I'm sure he won't. He said when he was in court for the first offence, without anyone else in support, was the worst day of his life. 

He's obviously never taught a class of feral Year 9s, but he's young.

Morning kids.  Sit down and shut the f*ck up.
So ends the tale of my day in Court.  It was very educational.  I've never seen such a bunch of apprentice hoodlums, simple thugs, drug fiends and general scum of society.  It does not bode well for the future of New Zealand culture and civilisation.

Some of the tarts (ladies of negotiable virtue, for any non-British English speakers) were quite attractive though.

Hello young lady, can I pay your fine?


  1. "At home that night, SSRB dropped of the copies."

    I love this country. I can't imagine that EVER happening in the UK...

    1. I completely agree Shackleford. There's something just plain nice in the Kiwi psyche.

      I don't enjoy going back to the UK anymore, apart from seeing friends and family of course, especially as m'daughter should be a Mummy in about 5 weeks.

  2. The cops here in OZ are complete bastards when it comes to our kids and the mistakes they make. They give them 4 points with their licence and even minor things like not having your seatbelt on is 3 points. If you lose all four or do something more serious you lose your license on the spot and have to serve out the disqualification THEN start all over again on your 'L's. If they impound your car it costs thousands to get it back and you cant drive again until you pay your fines and the impound fees beforehand.
    I hope TSBjr has learned his lesson and remembers to speed away so they dont catch him next time...

    1. At least they don't kneecap them. Yet.

      Maybe it teaches them DON'T BREAK THE F*CKING LAW.

      I think he'll remember this lesson.

      At least I sincerely hope so.

      Or he'll face TSb justice, which is a tad nastier. And invloves Aunty Twisted.

    2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    3. Er...Tempo - one is tempted to say then--don't break the law in the first place!

    4. Hi Loopy, I agree with your comment but they do go a little overboard and are causing a whole heap of resentment which will come back to haunt the police in years to come. Our road deaths are way to high for such a small country and thats what we need to fix..losing too many fine young people on the roads

  3. I was about to offer words of sympathy and appreciation for the way you came through this until you distracted me by mentioning "attractive tarts". I have heard Australian men say disparaging things about "Kiwi Sheilas", but now I'm beginning to wonder whether they were reliable sources. As for the thugs and hoodlums, I doubt you're worse off than any other rugby-playing nation.

    1. Thanks for the deleted wirds of sympathy Gor, but what's wrong with "attractive tarts"?

      I'm not being disparaging, just descriptive.

      Aussies are seldom objective. Any nation that steals another country's Pavlova and Phar Lap cannot really be trusted fully.

      If you're making any derogatory comments vis-a-vid "footie" (Rugby football to you poor benighted Northerners) then I would suggest you desist, unless you want a Haka performed in your favourite celery patch.

  4. It sounds like you & your son got a much better (& cheaper) deal than you would have gotten here in the US!!

  5. Really?

    I'd thought that it was quite a hefty fine.

    What would be the US equivalent?

    1. I have no idea what the US equivalent would be for this sort of incident, but from experience I've had with people in my family, the fine must be paid in full, at once, on the day of the court appearance. Actually "US" is misleading, because here, the laws are different in each state.

    2. NZ is quite soft on fines. I've heard of cases where the convicted criminal is allowed to pay it off at $5 per month. Really hurts the pocket and gets the point across...not.

  6. So you've let him live, eh? At least he doesn't come to a screeching halt on a busy highway, throw his arms in the air, and shriek in panic "There's too much traffic!". At least I hope not. I dread the thought of my kidling ever giving birth.

    Btw, congrats (almost) Gramps.

    1. "There's too much traffic!".

      Love it. I can create a beautiful image in my head from that phrase.

      Of course I let him live. I may think he's an undisciplined youth with no idea of the core values to lead a fruitful, wealth-enhanced and especially, legal life, but he's m'son.

      I too dread when ever he mentions a girlfriend. The thought of him breeding causes shivers up my spine.

      Thanks, I'm looking forward to being a Gramps, although I won't be able to hold the new baby, as my daughter still lives in Scotland. My Beloved is flying over to stay for a couple of months to help out, but it will be at least late january before they all come over to NZ.

  7. I must have missed something but why was he suspended in the first place, did you explain this? In view of the fact that I myself keep secrets, of course you don't have to divulge this information. That way we can all invent some marvellous stories in our own little heads!

    1. You're quite right Di, I didn't give the details as I thought the post was getting too long and involved, and was heading towards boredom. The first was for breaking the rules regarding restricted licence drivers. They cannot drive other non-licenced passengers, and they cannot drive after 10:30pm and they cannot drive through a red light in front of a police car.

      But on the other hand, I'm sure your lovely immagination could think up something a bit juicier.

    2. At 26 you would think he could have got his FULL licence by now! That's just laziness.
      Even my daughters went on an got thier FULL after the required period to be on Restricted had passed. As for going through a red light in front of a Popo car, well say no more!
      I am alwasy seeing cops on the side of the highways that have pulled up some young fellas. They seem to me their main revenue streamif you ask me.

    3. I agree VG, it was just laziness, but just as we persuaded him to sit for his full licence, the first incident intervened.

      Maybe it is their main revenue stream, but seeing some of these young guys, newly qualified, in 3.0 litre cars, with all the superchargers and kit added, makes me feel a bit unsafe on the roads.

      Where the hell do they get the money anyway.

    4. AAAAAAAAAhI! Thanks for clearing that up. Where the hell do people get the money indeed. There seem to be an awful lot of people around with an awful lot of money. My question, "where's mine"?

    5. Exactly.

      Where's mine.

      We worked for it, we saved for it, we scrimped and saved and yet, there seems to be bugger all left.

  8. It sounds like your son learned his lesson. And congratulations, because he has just reached the age when the frontal lobe is fully developed and maybe that will prevent him from doing silly things in the future.

    Both my sons have had run-ins with the law--the 13 year old for skateboarding on the grounds of the university. No fine or charges for that, but I did get a call at home from a police officer.

    1. Thanks Patience, but I think another couple of years, or possibly decades will be required to get full frontal lobe development.

      He's never had a run-in with the cops before (not that we know) and I hope (but doubt)never again.

      Kids are a trial.

      I note what you said about the skateboarder. The entire skateboarding community seems to have an inherent dislike of authority in any form, and seem to feel that they have the right to use their damned boards wherever and whenever they feel like it. In the middle of Wellington (our capital) the council have built a skateboard park in a beautiful situation, near the seafront. It's got all the features one would expect of such a facility, duplicating the architectural features the boarders use for their silly tricks; stairs, ramps, curves railings etc.

      Last time we walked past, there were more bloody boarders using public areas for their tricks than were in the park itself.

    2. I too find a major attitude with skateboarders who are also students I teach carting around their beleoved skateboards to each class. One lad I usually see skating along the main road to school, even though he lives a good 3 km from the school. I know why he is never late getting to school on time (But not so to his classes). Oh the arguments I have had with these lads just to get them to put their boards up the front of the classroom
      by my desk away from distracting themselves and others! I just hate the ruddy things.

    3. I loath them. Most of the kids at NLHS get the message, and we've got used to imponding them during the day. Not many try it any more.

  9. In hindsight, your sons' should have been the first number you dialed. Are we all geniuses in hindsight?

    No punctuation and texting "u" for you pushes my button. I want to strangle them. Face it, mate, we old. There's no shame.

    That IS service! At long last; your tax dollars in action for you.

    What is this iron grip your bride has over him that he can't even talk to her? It's a psychological net.

    I thought a tart was a desert. Oh. I see. It is.

    1. Perhaps, but I suppose I had a niggling unconscious suspicion that all was not right. The car ending up in Porirua was unusual, and I guess my highly trained teacher/parental radar was pinging madly.

      Speak for yourself TUB, I don't consider myself "old". Mature yes, but "old" , no. Yet.

      It was a great service, and SSRB showed a lot of sympathy, which I also didn't really expect.

      I reckon it's a woman thing. They train from an early age to dump guilt on blokes. It's what they do.

      LOL, very good. Looks quite a tasty dish, but a wee bit rich for my simpletastes.

  10. Hmm, the young lady in that last photo seems to have misplaced her waist.

    1. Not so much misplaced Kellie, more moved towards the upper regions.

  11. It could have been much worse, so generally this a good ending. From a practical standpoint, I would probably get a business card from a criminal lawyer to give to your son, so he can keep it in his wallet so he will have someone to call the next time he gets in trouble. (And yes, I know, they always say there will not be a next time, but sadly I have seen over the years that there is often a next time. Let's hope he is an exception)

    1. Yes, it could have been much worse. At least he came clean in the end.

      I also hope the he will be the exception.

      The thing that's bothering him is that his music business may well include a working visit to the USA, and his visa status may be a little shaky if he's got 2 convivtions on his record, even though they're "just" traffic offences. Officialdom can be a little difficult sometimes.

    2. It's a legitimate worry. Perhaps he can investigate getting his record sealed, assuming that such a thing is possible in your Jurisdiction.

    3. I don't think that's possible over here, but thanks for caring.

  12. Complaint.

    You were in court. You weren't IN court. That's what you led us to believe. I feel cheated and manipulated by your deliberate obfescation of the true reality of the situation just to increase readership. Shame on you TSB!

    Please pop off and infringe some minor law so we can all finaly have our {and your} day IN court.

    I know you've got it in you and you have an appropriate window of opportunity currently given the current distance from Mrs TSB. Get on with it boy!!!



    1. in, IN. There's a difference?

      I'm sorry you felt cheated about my alterations to the virtual reality, but it's much more fun this way.

      Did you feel sorry that I didn't get sentenced to 20 lashes?

      I did have a little run-in with the law some years, but I managed to avoid retribution. I'm not going to give ANY details, as the staute of limitations has not run out.

      Mrs. TSB has not yet departed for Bonnie Scotland and until she's actually left Godzone (kiwi speak for NZ) I'm going to be a good little boy.

    2. I'm sure the kids feel much the same way about texting TSB. Communication is about generating inclusion to those initiated in the lingo . You've done it well in this tale. But, if you allow me to be a grump for a moment, I'd say Yes there is a huge difference betwen in and IN court.

      But you know that already cos yous a teecha incha.

      Regardless - it's a good wee tale.

      And No I don't feel sorry - I'm not an advocate of corporal punishment unless between consenting adults. {and no I don't mean what you're thinking - it's just more fun that way!}

      Gozone is currently experiencing hints of the summer we missed at the appropriate time - our NZ rellies {in Hamilton} were complaining about the rain and cold with you just now. No doubt by the time your good lady gets here normal arctic conditions will have resumed which will remind her to bring you home gifts of inappropriate clothing.

      Sounds like a good plan to behave until departure. It does feel from that comment that some degree of lax behaviour will be high on the agenda while she's gone. I would only urge you to mark a calendar to remind you to leave enough time to get the place tidy for her return.


    3. Godzone, Alistair, Godzone (God's Own Country, geddit?) not Gozone does suffer from variable weather, just like blighty, but mostly relatively warmer.

      She IS bringing winter woolies.

      Shhh...she might hear.

  13. sorry - too many currents - that's just unraisinable of me....

  14. You're lucky TSB. When I went to court, for my son's LITTLE incident, the lawyer was hopeless (got all the facts wrong) and then overcharged us, and we had the prosecutor from hell.
    Where's Angry Jesus when you need him?

    1. A good lesson for life Richard. NEVER trust the lawyers (sorry Laoch).

      Angry Jesus is just a figment of imagination, just like non-Angry Jesus.

  15. Ah, well, it didn't end up too badly (although that fine seems a bit large, most people I know have actual cars worth less than that!)

    1. You're right Steve, the fine did seem to be on the large side, but we couldn't exactly complain, could we?


      Me: "Excuse me Sir, but that fine seems awfully large"

      Recorder: "You think so do you, well sonny-boy it's now $1200" "Want to complain again?"

      I didn't know you could even buy a bike for $650, let alone a car.

  16. Well, thank God he hadn't murdered someone! I've been in a right state wondering whether he was alright and whether you would have to leave your teaching job in disgrace.

    Relief all round!

    BTW - is that Immodesty Blaize in the last piccie?

    1. You're right, I should be grateful that it wasn't much worse, but sometimes it's difficult to keep things in proportion.

      I was quite looking forward to being drummed out of teaching.

      They have a wee ceremony where they throw away your whiteboard duster, break your whiteboard pens and finish up with removing the leather patches from the Tweed jacket. Really quite moving.

      Yes, that is Immodesty Blaize. I should have known you'd spot her, as I remember you are very knowledgeable about burlesque.

  17. Kids! And cops!
    Actually this worked out better than I expected. Here in New England you get a $200 fine for going 20 mph over the limit (and they're always switching that around) and several points on your license. If you drive w/o a license, they can give you jail time, though it's usually commuted to community service.
    Well, at least it's over, TSB.

    1. I know. I'm just glad he didn't get a custodial sentence, but down here in NZ, you've really got to work at it to get sent to pokey.

      It is over.
      Until the next time.

  18. Well played TSB, especially in scrapping the car.

    I don't quite understand the commenters here who are complaining about being fined for doing illegal things whilst driving. What do you expect? A merit star and a free tank of petrol for endangering others' lilves?

    Anyway sounds like his contrition was genuine, and probably in retrospect it was good that he had a couple of sleepless nights in which to ponder his stupidity.

    1. Thanks looby, I did momentarily hesitate before giving the "Scrap the f*cking Thing" order, as it was probably worth about $1000. But I steeled myself, ground the Scottish part of me which was screaming "DON'T THROW AWAY MONEY" into the background and did it for him.

      He was really contrite.

      Not as contrite as I am now, because guess who's the bloody idiot that now has to get up at 5 bloody am to drive him to the train station so he can get to his job on time?

  19. Why do I have the sense that all this is to come with me with one of my offspring in the years ahead?

    1. Oh Furtheron, you really have no idea of the pain, the anguish and the money it's going to cost you.

      Keep smiling.

  20. Sorry, late to the party here! A sort of happy ending, or, at least, your son appreciates that his mum and dad aren't so bad after all and can handle being told 'disappointing' things.

    You must be very excited about becoming a grandad soon. Will make sure I keep an eye on your blog for when you make an announcement!

    1. He does appreciate our concern and care. At least I think he does. He doesn't take criticism very well, but he's getting better at it.

      I don't really do "excited". Moderately interested is about as far as I can go.

      Mind you, I'll probably start crying when I get the first pictures.


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