So my Beloved insisted on going to see this film, Hope Springs, with the inimitable Tommy Lee Jones, Merryl Streep and Steve Carrell.
It turns out that my Beloved had an ulterior motive for going to see this bloody film (It's just like being back at Nuova Lazio High School, with all the hidden agendas bouncing of the ingrained prejudices).
The main thrust of this cinematic torture chamber was "The Male partner's incapability to perceive the deep romantic desire of his wife"
Now I would like to make it plain, that I don't think there is that much similarity to the character Tommy Lee Jones (TLJ) plays in the film, and me. Apart from the wrinkled good looks of course.
When TLJ leaves for work in the morning, his wife makes breakfast for him, and he sits and reads the newspaper.
When TSB leaves for work in the morning, he makes his own bloody breakfast and reads the news on-line.
When TLJ returns home after work, he kisses his wife on the cheek and then seems to slump down in a reclining armchair to watch golf on TV until he falls asleep.
When TSB returns home after work, he kisses his wife on the lips and then seems to slump down in a non-reclining armchair to watch TV until he falls asleep.
TLJ does not like spending money and does everything on the cheap.
TSB does not like spending money and does everything economically.
TLJ sleeps on his own in the spare room.
TSB sleeps in the same bed as his Beloved, however he does seem to end up curled in the fetal position on the opposite edge of the bed, somewhat like a hedgehog awaiting the decapitating strike from a large predator.
When TLJ begins to realise that his wife is deeply unhappy and is insisting that they go to see a relationship therapist, he brings her a bunch of flowers.
When TSB realises that his Beloved is a bit pissed of (for whatever reason) he brings her a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolate.
So you can all see that there is almost no comparison between TLJ and TSB.
While watching the film (which did have it's mildly funny moments) every time the TLJ character did something to upset his wife, I could feel a wave of ice-cold displeasure emanating from my Beloved.
The temperature dropped to cryogenic when the couple's sex life began to be discussed. There was raucous laughter coming from various parts of the cinema as various fantasies were discussed, but not from my beloved, nor, I noticed, from quite a few couples of about the same age as us.
I reckon there was some sort of conspiracy at work here. Perhaps all these ladies "of a certain age" had banded together and brought their partners to suffer collectively. I couldn't see any other explanation why so many had come at the same time.
The only other common factor was that this night was the"special" night, where all tickets were reduced to $10, but could that be the common factor?
I don't think so.
The conspiracy theory fits much better.
Any back to the film.
The worst bit was about to happen.
TLJ had been asked by the "therapist" (read nosy do-gooding interfering bastard) to describe his fantasies, and apart from a mention of a neighbour and her corgi dogs he had clammed up.
|And I used to think that my fantasies were strange.|
Merryl Streep then said that her fantasy was to have a renewal of vows on a tropical beach.
The blast from my Beloved at this point was not far above Absolute Zero.
I am of the opinion that I made a vow to my Beloved 34 years 3 months ago, and I hadn't changed my mind, so why does a vow need renewing? Especially as my Beloved wanted the renewal to take place in a church, and the next time I step into a church there's a fair chance I'll burst into flames.
The film ended on a happy note with bloody Merryl Streep getting her way and having her renewal of vows on the beach.
|Oh, just bugger off|
I was looking for a bucket for a quick chunder, but none was available, so I swallowed my bile and sat in silence.
There were a few pointed comments about various aspects of the film on the way home, but praise the Universal Forces (gravity and the weak atomic force) no mention of the renewal of bloody vows.
I live in fear.