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Friday, 6 January 2012

The Terror of Technology

I normally love the steady advance of technology.

We surround ourselves with gadgets and gizmos that to a previous generation would seem like magic or science fiction.

Nuova Lazio of 2200

Yesterday for example, I was sitting on my front deck, enjoying a cooling Gin and Tonic, listening to my favourite music, being played from an iPod Nano, which stored over 90 hours of my favourite music.

I was reading a newly published book by one of my favourite authors which had just been published.  I had bought and downloaded the book into my eReader (a Kobo) just 5 minutes before, and I was now enjoying the read, and I didn't even have to leave my home to get it.

I had also stored another 25 books in my eReader, ready for our holiday in Hawkes Bay (Hauomoana) next week,so I could enjoy a large selection of reading matter without lugging a big bag of books.

Earlier this morning, my Beloved had been having a long chat over video Skype with our darling daughter in Scotland, with both of them having a 2 hour natter, and enjoying seeing each other's faces and expressions as they chatted.  I also liked it because it's free.

We are so used to having instant access to communications that removing a mobile phone from some miscreant is soon going to be seen as interfering with their basic human rights.

So by no means am I a technophobe.


Something terrible has happened.

Something much, much worse than I had ever imagined could happen.

It's unthinkable.

It's even worse.
It's even worse than this

My Beloved got this strange idea that perhaps she should learn to use a computer.

Not our computer, but her own computer.

A computer outside my immediate control.

A computer, connected to the Internet and CAPABLE OF VIEWING BLOGS.

So yesterday I was dragged in manacles screaming and bawling with tears of blood issuing from my eyes went with her to Dick Smith and bought a small notebook computer (An Asus 5349)


AND she wants me to install a wireless network by Saturday.

She actually used the words "We'll need to get a wireless router dear, so you can set up a WLAN"

Who on earth has been telling her these things? 

AND now she wants me to show her, SHOW HER, not do it for her, but actually show/teach her how to CHANGE HER OWN PASSWORD.

Is there no more trust in the world?

I see no Trust.

I can no longer guarantee my anonymity.  I feel as if my Beloved is looking over my shoulder every minute.


She might look at the BLOG ARCHIVES.

She might actually read all that I've written.

NOT, I must emphasise that there is anything really bad/naughty/embarrassing/revealing in any of my little posts.

Trust Me.  I'm a Teacher.


The following section may upset the little ladies.

We should never have let them touch anything more complicated than rolling pins.

Maybe irons, but that's it.


  1. Noooooo! How could this happen? I recommend putting a local HOSTS file on her PC, so that always resolves to - then the rest of us can safely continue to enjoy reading you unexpurgated exploits.

  2. Shackleford Hurtmore: I blame educationalists. She's already banned me from touching HER notebook, so all is lost.

    Flee, flee, she knows...

  3. Richard [of RBB]: Thank you for those kind and comforting words.

  4. We are all going to end up like those fat people in Wall-e!

  5. Oh Dear. Me thinks it would take a long time for her to find your blogspot. There is so much more fun she could have surfing all those online eshopping sites or discovering the joys of Trade Me.
    I would be more concerned about that TSB. Or even worse getting addicted to gaming sites!

  6. Yonks: Yep. I'm looking forward to it.

    VG: Possibly. But she's a very intelligent lady, and it scares me. I'm not worried about Poker gambling sites, it's the Mah Jong sites that make me apprehensive.

  7. hey I would have stayed barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.....if only I'd met a man, preferably in a hat, who would take care of business and me!! Unfortunately, I had to worry my pretty little head about all sorts of nonsense like paying the bills as well as raising the kids......and where's my jet pack? They promised we'd have jet packs......

  8. YaH: "I would have stayed barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen"
    No, no, I always insist my womenfolk wear shoes.

    I agree about the Jet Packs, and where are the hover cars, the space liners to Venus, the food in a pill and the atomic kitchens?

    At leastdown here in NZ we are producing something close to a jet pack.

    See Martin Jetpack

  9. TSB - I have a great idea -teach your dog to eat MRs Twisted's new the computer. A few years back my daughter's new cellphone was severley nibbled by her boyfriend's dog. He did not train the dog to do this. The dog was just naughty and evil.

  10. VG: Sorry, Dogs are not evil. Cats are evil; just ask Richard [of RBB] about the ginger bastard.

  11. No - a cat would not eat an item of technology out of spite. A dog would. A cat would make a scratching post out of the wallpaper - yes. Dogs can be trained - cats can't or won't.

  12. Hmmm... I think the HOSTS file would attract more suspicion than it would deflect. I'm not the one to judge, having had several excruciatingly embarrassing episodes with my blog over the years but the only thing I can suggest is a fairly advanced technical alteration of your router. It's called "keeping your fingers crossed she doesn't find it".

  13. VG: Maybe, but seeing as I paid over $500 for the damned thing, I definitely don't want it broken.

    looby: I like your approach. My fingers are crossed as I type, thophhgg duirt it mvakesdx gity fdiffiv ucult to hit the righwsht keys.


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