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Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Sleep is Apparently Inherently Evil

The Bosom of my family. (I wish)

It was quite a long day at Nuova Lazio High School today, and I was rather knackered when I returned home to the bosom of my family.

Well just the bosom of my Beloved it seemed, as m'son was off doing something musical (and fairly successful) in Wellington.

I didn't mind, what are lifelong partners for?

Being together was nice.

I ate my delicious dinner, prepared by my Beloved's own perfect hands. Young salmon, poached in wine, served on a bed of lentils with new potatoes.

I tidied up and sat down beside my beloved, watching something relatively banal on the TV.

Warning. Dangerous weapon

I awoke with a start as my beloved's elbow dug into my ribs.

I seemed to have fallen asleep after a hard day teaching our little dears in NLHS.

I mumbled some sort of apology, then carried on watching the box.

A nastier elbow

Another elbow, I estimated about Mach 3.4 this time woke me from my dreams of a pleasant land. A land free from obnoxious boys and petulant girls.

A land distinctly lacking in any life form which could be described as a Ringo (Not that Ringo is anywhere close to being a recognised form of real life. More of a simple yet destructive virus)
A land free from the restrictions imposed on us by successions of namby-pamby governments.

Don't hit the kids.
Don't tell them off.
Don't tell them they've failed, tell them they've failed to achieve.
Don’t tell them they've failed to achieve, tell them they've achieved at a level, suitable for them.
Don't tell them that they're acting like little shits; tell them we're sorry for not understanding their cultural imperatives, cultural nuances, cultural essentials,
Apologise for trying to bring a modicum of discipline into their tortured little lives, where no-one actually cares enough about them to try and impose any sort of limits. Or love.

Poor wee buggers

My Beloved didn't seem to recognise that my cultural and national traits needed to be displayed, recognised and accepted.

Since I was a wee nipper, it has been customary for the men of our households to have little recuperative naps after dinner and before bed.

This is normal

I tried to explain to my Beloved the cultural essentials.

She told me to shut up.

She told me to STOP SNORING. She couldn't hear the rugby commentary.

I wonder if my Beloved would accept the job as Minister of Education?

She'd sort them out.

I fantasised over her reaction to being told that some of our kids were failing.

Oops. Wrong fantasy

This is more like it. Work or die
She wouldn't insist that we tell them that they'd failed to achieve.
She'd tell them that they would be whipped if they didn't get off their arses and try.

Meanwhile I have drifted off to sleep again

The elbow reached Mach 5.24 this time.
I felt ribs creak.
Not nice

I did the usual Kowtow to my Beloved and headed to bed.

Ah, the dreams.

So much nicer (Computers and girls.  Dreams don't get much better than this)


  1. tis the other way around in our house... my Mrs seems to fall asleep as soon as she sits down... still she has been in a classroom of 11 year olds all day - I've been "sat on my arse drinking coffee and reading emails"... that is the official family description of my highly important job in the world of research computing after my son came to work on a "bring your kid to work day"... showed him billions of (now wasted) USA investment in labs and shit and all he was impressed with was the large conveyor belt toaster we had in the kitchen!

  2. Ah - seems like similarities abound TSB. These days feed me or take anywhere warm and dark ie. a cinema and I'll drop off in about two minutes.

    Sometimes in the cinema I can barely reach my seat before yawning no matter how good the movie.

    Seems like we have less in common on our dream composition. I never dream of a Ringo.

  3. Yes, NLHS seems very hard at the moment. I came home very grumpy last night.
    I took chardonnay, an old family medicine, and was soon asleep.

  4. Yes, NLHS seems very hard at the moment. I came home very grumpy last night.
    I took chardonnay, an old family medicine, and was soon asleep.

  5. my dad never napped........ he was just resting his eyes!!

  6. Well, the rugby commentary is quite important so ...

  7. This extreme fatigue is unique to teachers at NLHS. I have been relieving for the last week at college down the road. I do 5 straight classes each day I go. No non-contacts for me, just lucky to get morning tea and lunch breaks to keep me going. I actually do some real teaching in most of the classes I relieve for as they have called me in by special request to keep the continuity of learning flowing (nice concept but the reality can be different). Last night I too fell asleep in front of the telly, watching the news.

    Yesterday the wee dears just sucked the life out of me. I thought it was me being out of condition or getting older.
    Perhaps not so.

    After all it is week 7 out of a 10 week term. In other words we are 70% through the term, and I feel the optimum of learning for many students this term is now over. They are ready for a break, and so are the teachers!

    Oh but then they are busy trying to finish interim reports, do parent interviews, mark assessments, and take students out for the required field trips while the weather is still agreeable, etc, etc.

    Can't understand why Mrs Twisted does not get this. TSB you have been teaching for awhile now. She should know better than to disturb your Power Naps or Meditation.(Reflection Time). However you are very lucky to get such lovely home cooked meals.

  8. Furtheron: It's the kids as the common factor. I've always said that they're little emotional vampires, draining the life-force from the poor teachers.

    Cooool. You've got a conveyor belt toaster!!!!

    Alistair: Strewth mate, so true. I haven't seen the end of any movie since Inception. I actually fell asleep during the opening scenes of Titanic. I was asked to leave. My snoring seemingly was annoying some people.
    I didn't see the end of Alien 2 for another reason. I was so horrified by the whole concept, that I ran out after ½ hour and spent the rest of the evening in the pub.
    Trying (vainly) to forget.

    Richard (2): It does seem hard, especially after Camp week.. Chardonnay, whisky, whiskey, brandy...they all work for some strange reason.

    YaH: Ah, the old "resting my eyes ploy"
    Trust me, it only works if you don't snore. Your Dad must have been blessed with special aerodynamic nostrils.

    Laoch: Almost. Here in New Zealand, home of the World Champions of Rugby, "The All Blacks" ® it's more akin to a religion.

    VG: I know 5 straight spells can be exhausting, BUT, you don't have marking, preparation and especially the interminable sequences of committees, Professional f*cking Learning and Faculty meetings to go to. The kids can be demanding, but it's the staff crap that really destroys.

    My Beloved isn't too well at the moment, so though I may winge a bit, I really love her and feel a tad worried about her.

  9. All readers.

    That image I posted on the header page (Bosom of my Family) is so popular it appears 118 times on the web.

    I wonder why?

  10. Yes I know TSB. I'm not complaining about my lot but I do sympathise with the tiring and draining aspect of the job from just dealing with classes. No I don't miss all the admin and PL crap. I have just found out the school I am working at has canned it's early morning PD sessions this year and associated late starts for the kids. Hav ethey seen the light I wonder?

    Look after your lady. She is a gem, even if she elbows you occassionally. From similar experiences with my other half, I would say its more the snoring than the napping that annoys her!

  11. VG: Yep, it'sdefinitely the snoring.

    Nothing to do with the bad breath, the farting or the under-the-breath cursing.

    AND absolutely nothing to do with the "frisky" pictures I occasionaly post.

  12. I don't snore but I do occasionally dribble.

  13. looby: Dribbling is apparently OK.

    Well, according to my Beloved, it becomes essential to know which particular orrifice is concerned with the dribbling.

  14. At least your ears are warm.

    Spring break is coming, at least in Sam's college.

  15. Curmudgeon: Yep, my ears are warm, as is my whole body. It's just early autumn down here in New Zealand, and while the mornings can be a little chilly (about 8ºC), by lunchtime it's lovely and warm/hot (22-24ºC)


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