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Tuesday, 13 March 2012

I'm an Official Kiwi.


Today I left Nuova Lazio High School BEFORE the witching hour of 3:00pm.

But I didn't have an excuse, I had a REASON.

My Beloved, M'son and I were invited to attend a "Granting of Citizenship" ceremony in the Upper Hutt.

I say invited, but if we didn't attend, we couldn't get the citizenship we wanted, so it was really mandatory.

It was quite exciting.

We had to attend in "clothing suitable for a formal occasion"

Kiwi National Dress

This meant that most Kiwis who turned up wore their basic costume.  Jandals (or Gumboots), Black singlet and stubbies for the blokes, and just about anything for the gals, as long as it had a lot of cleavage exposed.

We had to either swear on a Bible or attest that QEII was our Feudal superior, and then we got the actual Certificate, an Orchid (for the ladies) or an enamelled badge (for the blokes) and a Kowhai seedling for each family.

Then down for a quick cup of tea and some snacks.  Good basic Kiwi finger food.

Savouries, potato tops, Asparagus rolls, mini-flans and quiches.
Thank goodness, no Cheerios or Lammingtons.

Kiwi Cheerios

So now we're all official Kiwis.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow , when I can tell Ringo to "Bugger Off" with a true Kiwi vitriol.

Now I can go to Aussie without applying for a visa.

Now I can actually work in Aussie for twice as much as I get now.

As long as I don't get too afraid of the spiders and snakes and Aussie accents.


Just listened to an Aussie advert on Sky.

The accent is just too frightening.

I'm staying Kiwi.


  1. Congrats, TSB! Does this make you Twisted Kiwi Bastard now? :D

  2. Austan: Possibly, but as I remain sentimental for the "Auld Country" I think I'll remain TSB.

    TKB sounds like a make of firearm or a vaguely threatening security apparatus from the old days of the cold war

  3. Well done Twisted. Good to have you on board cobber! You'll find being a kiwi is not too bad. Strewth, that's true.

  4. Well done Twisted. Good to have you on board cobber! You'll find being a kiwi is not too bad. Strewth, that's true.

  5. Congratulations. Will you stop drinking that Scottish muck now and switch over to proper Kiwi-style whisky, like Woodies?

  6. Kia Ora.
    Ka Pai! Nau Mai Haere Mai!

    Welcome to the clan of Upper Hutt
    (Awa Kairangi).

    Many congratulations to you and your whanau. I truly hope "She'll be right mate" for many many years to come.

    Time to trade the kilt for a grass skirt (pupu) now. Go see Auntie Huia. Am sure she has some spares from Kapa Haka or she could run one up for you.

  7. Yes, well done. A bit late mind - the clearances were nearly two centuries ago.

  8. Congrats - always find it funny that you move somewhere like that and have to swear this and that, often to our Queen but us lot born and bred here never do any of that - I've never had to prove anything about my loyalty to the Queen and country at all... odd... anyway given when James VI of Scotland became James I of England after a disastrous bit of succession planning by Henry VIII and his offspring arguably we have a Scottish queen... well more German...

    Ok look I'm English - I shout at England rugby players giving stupid penalties away in our 22 - clearly I'm English.

  9. Richard: Thank you, I'm glad to be here. I was going to add a kiwi-ism, but I didn't want it to sound fake. See you this Arvo if I'm not crook and trapped in the dunny.

    Patience_Crabstick: Thank you

    Shackleford Hurtmore: Thank you and no. I've got my own woodie thank you very much.

    VG: Thank you, but I'm perfectly happy with my kilt. The pupu doesn't go with the steely-blue colour of my varicose veins.

    TC: Thank you. I never could make up my mind in a hurry.

    Furtheron: It is a bit odd. I had to take the oath of alliegance when I got commisioned, and while I didn't mind giving it to Big Liz, I wasn't to keen on Phil the Greek.
    One of the many reasons why we moved here was to live in a country that actually won something at a sport. I think the last major prize Scotland won was in 1987. For Tiddliewinks.

    Never forget. It doesn't matter that Scotland wins, as long a England loses.

  10. Nice. Congratulations. Hopefully you are having a celebratory brew.

  11. Belated congratulations TSB. Never saw anything on the news over here about you leaving us. TV reorting's just not what it once was maybe.

    Perhaps you should also be known as 'Twisted Bloody Kiwi' or 'Teaching Bloody Kiwis'.

  12. Wish I could sleep!

    That's not me in the pic at St. Donats, that's Meg from Pigtown Design and she is American!

  13. I don't know much about the culture but I was expecting someone farting in your general direction and hurling cattle as part of the ceremony after I saw the pic.

  14. Laoch: Yes. Actually more than one, and not so much a brew, more of a distillation.

    Alistair: Thanks. To be fair, we wanted the whole thing kept low-key. There's too much instant celebrity these days, and I don't want to be included in the next "reality" TV show.

    Yonks: Ooops, silly me. Funny how I could guess someone's nationaity from a photo.
    As far as the sleep goes,
    try Horlicks.
    Try Horlicks made with Honey
    Try Horlicks made with Honey and Whisky.

    Curmudgeon: Ah, a Monty Python fan I presume. Plenty of hurling later, but not cattle. More chunder.


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