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Friday, 11 March 2011

Power Tools

An odd thing happened yesterday when I came home from Nuova Lazio High.
But before I explain. let me digress a little.

I like power tools
No, I am in error.

 
I LOVE power tools.  Like most men I just adore the feelings of:

  • efficiency
  • speed (at least finishing the job quicker so we can get back to TV and Beer)
  • Noise (controlled by us)
  • Danger (limited and controlled)

Even apparently simple jobs are much more fun when done using a power tool.
Screwing in a woodscrew? Use an electric screwdriver.
Want a nail in a piece of wood? You could use a hammer, but a Nail Gun is much more amusing.  (Especially if you manage to get your hands on one of those "Special" nail guns that uses explosive cartridges to punch masonry nails through reinforced concrete.  Wow)
We guys appreciate the feeling of superiority over the Universe that these tools give us. 
We may be spineless wimps at home or at work, but give us a Chainsaw and every tree is a potential victim.
It's very satisfying.

But seriously, the real reason we get all these power tools (if so allowed by our lovely partners) is to make a job easier and/or quicker.
I can chop down a tree with a chainsaw in about 5-10 minutes.  With an axe it would take hours, if I could chop it down at all. And I could do it without raising a sweat.
I can plane a board of wood using a power plane in 2-3 minutes.  Doing it by hand using a wood plane could take up to 15 minutes, and the result would probably not be as good.
Power tools, when properly used, can deliver machine-like accuracy and precision.
A hand cut dovetail joint for a drawer front is rarely as tight a fit or as good looking as a machine cut dovetail.
In my garage at the moment I have the following:
Power Plane
Electric Grinder
Power Sander
Dremmel micro-tool
Electric Jigsaw
Hand held circular saw
Router (¼" collet)
750 Watt Electric Hammer Drill
2 x 18 volt rechargeable battery drills/screwdrivers
A pillar mounted bench drill press
A Sliding Compound Miter Saw
Electric Bench grinder with water cooled carborundum stone

Drill Press
All of these tools have their own specialised application, but occasionally they can be used for other tasks. But they are really good, fast and accurate in performing their own speciality.
We would expect that similar tools would excite similar feelings in our lovely ladies, but it appears not.

Over the years we have had just a couple of power tools for the kitchen. 

An electric knife
A kenwood chef (with all the attachments)
A Braun food processor
A liquidiser
A Braun hand held thingy that creams soup while it's still hot in the pot.

The food processor is a thing of joy. It has all the attachments you could possibly imagine.
It can chop, puree, mix, grate and slice.  All very quickly and efficiently.

So when I came home yesterday to the lovely smell of cooking I was happy.
As we sat down to our evening meal, I was happy.
As I munched at the crunchy potato and sweetcorn Rosti with poached Salmon in a tomato and Basil sauce I was bloody ecstatic.
Then I thought I detected something else in the Rosti, and I asked my beloved
"Is there something else in these Dear?" I enquired. "Cabbage, perhaps?"
"No" She glared.  [Ed. I know that glare is a word normally used for an expression, especially alluding to the eyes, but believe me, my beloved, like many ladies, can speak with a glare]
"Oh", I said, "Just potato then"
"Yes" She replied  "I had to grate over a kilo, and my arm is so tired now"
"Oh", I said (I know it's a bit repetitious, but it's accurate. Any guys in a long-time relationship reading this will understand.  Ladies, we're not being offensive.  We're just looking for peace)
"Thanks for all your hard work sweetheart" I said in tones of appeasement, love and appreciation.  "It's really tasty" (It really was)
"Hmmpph" But she looked moderately happy.

Rosti
As I washed up afterwards (No complaints. If my beloved spends time and effort in making me an exceedingly tasty meal, I'll wash and dry with a smile on my face.  Inside of course, I'm moaning to myself that this is all women's work, and that my Dad would not be happy in seeing me doing the washing and drying.  And Ironing.  And vacuuming) I wondered why my beloved had hand grated a kilo of spuds.  We had a food processor which would have done the job in seconds.  It would also have made the gratings (?Is this a correct word?  Gratings? whatever) finer and consistent, so making it easier to squeeze out the excess moisture before cooking.

I'll never understand women.  Why on earth didn't she use the power tool specifically designed for the job.
Maybe she has a strong martyr complex, and likes to cause herself pain. I just don't know.

All that worries me is all that extra muscular effort.  If my beloved keeps this up, she'll end up all muscular.

Help.  She's going to beat me up. Stop grating spuds.
Getting beaten up by my beloved does not appeal.


By the way. The most absolutely gorgeous Power Tool I have ever seen was a two-stroke powered portable hand drill.  It was almost completely useless, with the weight and vibration. But it was still gorgeous. I haven't met a man yet that didn't desire it.

12 comments:

  1. I have used only a few power tools and they scare me. Any time I hold a chainsaw I'm not entirely sure I am going to survive the exercise.
    As for the food processor is it possible she just forgot? Or the texture of a food processor is not the same as hand grated? Or she wants to end up like that guy in “Lady in the water”?

    ReplyDelete
  2. You hit the nail on the head!
    I've always wanted a sliding mitre saw, router, and bench mounted drill press!
    But the scariest tool has to be the angle grinder. It's spinning at 10,000 rpm.An asortment of heads are available. It will do serious damage to anything it contacts including starting serious bush fires.

    ReplyDelete
  3. basketmaker: I thought all kiwis loved danger. My beloved does not forget. Like an elephant.

    Second: I lusted after the sliding compound mitre saw for years before I took the plunge. It's like an extended foreplay. ANgle grinders are scary. But not as scary as my wood router. It spins at 30,000 rpm

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was edging towards the bottom of this posting wondering what fresh hell of partial nudity you might inflict on us today that included a power tool.

    Mercifully it was just a chick with big muscles. That WAS a chick, right?

    Men and gadgets - the same in NZ as they are in a garage in darkest, hailstone-ridden Scotland....

    Still, keeps you off the streets.

    AX

    ReplyDelete
  5. AX: I am trying to set a higher tone, so I have a committee of senior academics carefully judge each image for suitability. Yes, I do believe that the image is of a female. A female I might add, that I personally would not want to meet down a dark alley. Or a brightly lit alley. Hell't Teeth, let's admit it, she scares the cr*p out of me. I wouldn't want to meet her anywhere.
    I first started my Power Tool collection in Scotland, and it was progressing pretty well until some scrote from Dundee decided to clean out my wee garage. Thank goodness for General Accident.
    BTW, keep us off the streets? Perhaps.
    But you should see me in action with my turbo-boosted leaf sucker on the driveway.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What's wrong with a woman 'ending up all muscular'?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great blog! I love how light this article is yet can still be taken seriously. I want to have some of those power tools that you've mentioned but I'm not confident I can handle them so I'll stick to those found in the kitchen. Great read, thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. An odd thing happened yesterday when I came home from Nuova Lazio High.my site

    ReplyDelete
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  10. I am sure that the informative you shared through your post is useful for people. I am impressed with the way of writing. It kept connected me all the time. Keep up the good work.
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    ReplyDelete
  11. wow such amazing girl ....

    i like Dewalt tool , i have a dewalt biscuit joiner in my Workshop , it is very good

    ReplyDelete

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