The Wonders of Mince

I've noticed recently, that on quite a few blogs, domestic Goddesses and Gods display their expertise in the kitchen and discuss recipes for their favourite foods. Hestia's recent and very interesting post on the "Flavour Thesaurus" is a case in point.

But we married men are not completely incapable in a kitchen setting, and in the past, when my beloved has had to leave me alone with our kids, I have been perfectly capable of providing tasty and nutritious meals to keep us going until my beloved returned to the family home.

However, I have always been a believer in efficiency, and see no reason to exert myself un-needlessly (my beloved refers to this excellent character trait as bone idle, or lazy, but I think she's just jealous of my powers of energy conservation), so I always plan my week's cooking in advance. 

Here's my menus for the week, including recipes, so that you to can benefit from my energy saving methodologies, and so you can devote the saved time for your own essential projects like beer drinking, reading and dozing in front of the TV.

Monday:  Mince and Tatties

Buy 5 - 10kg (depending on how hungry you are at the moment of purchase) of best mince from the supermarket.  DO NOT buy the well advertised low-fat variety, they may be supposedly more healthy, but lack real depth of flavour.  I suggest that you also buy 4 tins of canned tomatoes, 2 tins of borlotti beans and at least 10 kg of potatoes.

Brown the mince in a pan using a little oil.  (Do not try and brown all 5 kg of mince at once, as this requires excessive stirring, and may cause a future weakness in your beer-drinking hand.)
Peel, chop and slice 5 large onions, and soften in a little oil in a large stock pot.
Wash hands thoroughly and have a beer to wash away any lingering irritation form the onion vapours.
When onions are softened and just starting to brown, add all of the browned mince.
Peel chop and dice 4 large carrots and add to pot.
Add 4-12 dried Bay leaves, a large pinch of dried Thyme or Sage, or any other dried herb (the green stuff) that you can find in your beloved's herb/spice drawer.  (WARNING. Powdered cinnamon or mace does not really work, but cloves add an interesting taste dimension)
Add salt and black pepper (ground) to taste.
Add a pint of boiling water and simmer for 1 hour, stirring occasionally
Peel and boil 5 kg of potatoes until cooked.
Have another beer or two now.  I find that it helps in timing the meal, having a beer between each visit to the pot for the occasional stir aids the process. You can also check the potatoes progress at the same time.  (See Ladies, efficiency, always efficiency.)
Put a serving (about half a packet) of frozen peas in a bowl in the microwave, and start 5 minutes before serving.
Serve mince and boiled potatoes to family. Make the effort to display the meal attractively.  Flowers in an empty beer on the dinner table can add a certain ambiance.
Instruct offspring to wash the curiously large number of pots, pans, plates, bowls which have accumulated during the cooking process, and have another well-earned beer, you deserve it, especially as you've done 80% of the work for the week.  Have another beer (wine optional) before staggering off to bed, but make sure the lid is firmly on the mince pot.  Resist the urge to make a large mince sandwich, as you will be need  the remaining mince for the week's meals.

Tuesday:  Savoury Mince

Peel and boil 5 kg of potatoes
Peel and crush 6 large garlic cloves, and fry gently in some oil.
Add to the mince from Monday and heat gently until simmering.
Add two tablespoons of Worcester sauce (Lee and Perrins is the best)
Beer time
Put a serving (about half a packet) of frozen peas in a bowl in the microwave, and start 5 minutes before serving.

When the potatoes are cooked, drain an and allow to dry for 5 minutes.
Mash violently, add ½ kg of salted butter, cream and milk and keep pounding.  Using power tools from the garage at this stage can make this boring and repetitive job much more interesting. I've noticed that using the 30,000 rpm wood router for this job speeds it up remarkably, and can also be used in quickly redecorating the kitchen walls with interesting and random patterns.
Serve the savoury mince and creamed potatoes to family. Make the effort to display the meal attractively. Flowers in an empty beer on the dinner table can add a certain ambiance.

Instruct offspring to wash the curiously large number of pots, pans, plates, bowls which have accumulated during the cooking process (not forgetting the walls if you used the router), and have another well-earned beer, you deserve it, especially as you've done 85% of the work for the week. Have another beer (wine optional) before staggering off to bed, but make sure the lid is firmly on the mince pot. Resist the urge to make a large mince sandwich, as you will be need the remaining mince for the week's meals.

Wednesday: Spaghetti Bolognase

Heat the mince and bring to the simmer.
Add the 4 cans of peeled and chopped tomatoes
Peel crush and fry another 4 cloves of garlic, and add to mince
Add 4 Bay leaves
Add ½ bottle of good red wine
Add a tube of tomato puree concentrate
Finely chop a bunch of fresh Basil and add to pot, simmer for 30 minutes.
Have a beer, and/or finish off remaining wine
Put on a large pot of water to boil
Have a beer
Add sufficient amount of spaghetti for family to gently boiling water.  (I have absolutely no idea how much spaghetti is enough.  I generally just grab a big handful for each participant, but it always ends up as either too much or too little.  Always add more than you think you'll really need.  That's what the dog's for)
When aldente, drain, allow to air dry for 3-4 minutes (1 can of beer) and serve with generous helpings of the mince Bolognase sauce.
I recommend using large bowls, and removing the table cloth before the meal
Instruct offspring as above, and have another well-earned beer, you deserve it, especially as you've done 90% of the work for the week. Have another beer (wine optional) before staggering off to bed, but make sure the lid is firmly on the mince Bolognese pot.

Thursday: Lasagna

Heat the mince Bolognese sauce and bring to the simmer.
Add ½ bottle of good red wine
Have a beer, and/or finish off remaining wine
Layer Lasagna sheets with the mince Bolognese sauce in a well buttered dish
Have a beer
Then you either:

1. Make a Bechamel Sauce
2. Buy a packet of Bechamel Sauce mix and follow instructions
3. Buy one of those fancy freshly pre-made Bechamel sauces from the deluxe end of the supermarket
4. Buy a carton of custard and add cheese.  (Not really recommended, caused a tendency to vomit amongst the offspring, but that might have been due to me forgetting to add the cheese last time.  Worth experimenting with though.  Try it with more Bay Leaves and dried Sage)

Pour the sauce/custard over the layers of Lasagna and mince Bolognese sauce.
Pop in the oven for 1 hour at  hottish temperature, not forgetting to scatter ample amounts of grated cheese on top of the dish before putting it in.
Have beers/glasses of wine while waiting.
Serve with a green salad, or just serve if you don't like rabbit food, or if you've had too much beer/wine to find the bloody green stuff.
Instruct offspring as above, and have another well-earned beer, you deserve it, especially as you've done 95% of the work for the week. Have another beer (wine optional) before staggering off to bed, but make sure the lid is firmly on the mince Bolognese pot.

Friday: Chili con mince Carne

Heat the mince Bolognese sauce and bring to the simmer.
Add ½ bottle of good red wine
Have a beer, and/or finish off remaining wine
Peel and chop another onion , brown and add to the pot
Open, drain and add the two cans of beans.
Add sufficient dried chili flakes (or fresh diced chili if you're feeling frisky. 
CAUTION If you use fresh chilis, do not:

1. Rub eyes
2. Scratch sensitive areas
3. Go to the toilet

unless you've thoroughly washed hands.  Use beer to wash, but don't waste.  Drink what's left.
Boil enough rice (about a tea cup per person) do not add sugar.  This is not a rice pudding.  It does not go with chili.. i know. I've tried it when I used 3 tins of creamed rice because I'd forgotten to get enough dry rice.  Believe me, it DOES NOT WORK.
 
Have another beer
Serve all the remaining mince Bolognase Chili in bowls over the boiled rice.  Tortilla chips optional.  Add grated cheese to taste.
Instruct offspring as above, and have another well-earned beer, you deserve it, especially as you've done all of the work for the week. Have another beer (wine optional) before staggering off to bed, but make sure the kitchen is clean and tidy.
 
 

Saturday:  Fish & Chips.


For some reason, my offspring gave a huge cheer when I arrived home with the Fish & Chips from the local chippy.  Can't understand why.  They've had a different, well balanced meal every day.  Sometimes there's no pleasing the younger generation.

Sunday: Steak

Steaks, Barbie, Wine.
No further explanation should be needed.  Beer is optional on Sundays.
Kids seemed to really enjoy it.  Daughter mentioned something about having to get her cholesterol checked.  Ridiculous she's only in her 20s, why should she need her cholesterol level checked?
Must be a hypochondriac (like her Mum)
 
Monday, my beloved returned home.  Offspring smothered her in kisses, hugs and affection.
 
Nice to see how how much they love their Mum.
 
Went through the traditional post-excursion debrief.  No (real) worries.

 I did notice that night, the kids were very emotional when my beloved served them up a simple Chinese stir fry chicken. 

No imagination. 

Pretty simple.