For blogs with less than 300 Followers

For blogs with less than 300 Followers
Thanks to Hestia's Larder for this delightful award.
(For Blogs with less than 300 Followers)

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Why are we here?

Hestia of that excellent blog, Hestia's Larder recently had on operation.  Even worse. An operation on the National Health Service.

Hestia has mentioned that since that experience, she has developed (not surprisingly) a fear of

Oops, that should read DEATH. (I don't know who DATH is, but what the hell)

Anyway, I read her posts and then sat down with what little whisky Auntie Twisted has left me, and thought about life and death.

If, as I believe (and I've seen no proof otherwise) we exist as a mammalian lifeform with an expected lifespan of 70 ± 30 years, then the ideal is to have fun.
That's it really.

The meaning of life.


Don't be scared of the big bogey man who's out to get you (unless you've actually met Ringo)

There will be no Hell.

There is no Heaven.


So have fun.  There is no need to hurt others, this is bad.  They might end up hurting you, which will reduce the fun you can have.
Don't kill people for annoying you.  Going to prison will seriously  reduce the amount of fun you can have, unless you really like being someone's "bitch", in which case go for it.

Let's look at the 10 commandments and their relevance in modern life.

  1. You shall have no other gods before me.  I'm an atheist, so who caresWait a moment, OTHER GODS?, you mean that GOD thinks there's other GODS and that he doesn't mind as long as he's first?  How many of the bastards are there? 10, 20, 30.  Oh my Goodness, the Universe must be filled with these f*cking parasites.
  2. You shall not make for yourself any carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
    Not allowed

    Oooh, I'm so frightened, the big bad bogeyman is jealous.  What a wimp.  Imagine having to threaten the "believers" just to get sole "belief rights"
  3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.Dear God (oops) what a load of crap.  How many times a day does someone say "Oh God", or "Dear God" or "F*ck this for a game of soldiers you stupid almighty being with delusions of grandeur"
  4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.Naaah.  Sunday is for walking the dog, eating a leisurely lunch/brunch, reading the papers, watching the footy and having a roast dinner, mowing the lawn or fixing the roof.
  5. Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.I remember Mother's Day and Father's Day.  That's about it.  Oh, I phone my Dad every month.
  6. You shall not murder.Good idea. Prison is not nice.
  7. You shall not commit adultery.Probably.  My wife can be scary.  I've seen her chop sausages with a cleaver, and I've never, ever strayed.  Thought about it though. Fantasies can be so nice.
  8. You shall not steal.Don't get caught.  If you steal from me I'll remove your face.  From the inside. (NOTE Stealing from the IRD is not stealing)
  9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.Why should I?  He's a nice bloke.  My last neighbour however came from the Coromandel, and I strongly believe he was growing "weed" behind his chook house.  His habit of having a bath outside in a "Coromandel Spa" was a bit offputting.
  10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”Get real.  He's got a vintage Porsche, his lady wife has a gorgeous pair of hooters and his upper floor has a great view of the valley.  Don't like his cats.
See, forget all this crap.




  1. It won't be so funny on JUDGEMENT DAY! Did you see how I made your post disappear for a while? I'd be careful if I were you - us Christians never did have much of a sense of humour.

  2. Sorry AJ, wrong again. I put it back into draft because some of the text colours were wrong. Typical religious nut. Something clearly explicable happens, and the god-botherers try and claim "It's a miracle".
    "Look, it has stopped raining"
    "It's a miracle"
    "Look it has started raining"
    "It's a miracle"
    "Look, that man is walking on water"
    "It's a, I'm stoned"

  3. Hi TSB. As your whisky stocks are depleted I suggest that you get smartly down to Mill Liquor Save for their current sale (ends Sunday).
    Laphroaig 10y.o. $54.99
    Glenlivit 12 y.o. $49.99
    Talisker 10 y.o. $59.99
    Dalwhinnie 15 y.o. $89.99
    Cragganmore 12 y.o. $54.99

    Now, these are 700ml bottles but are still great savings. Auntie will be pleased and while you are there you can get yourself a crate of Chardon.

  4. In Kohlbergs six levels of moral development the first is
    1. Obedience and punishment orientation
    (How can I avoid punishment?)....

  5. TC: Thanks. But at the moment I'm sitting at home cradling a bucket, and for the first time in my life. I really don't want to taste or even smell whisky.

    Second: In TSB's theory of moral degeneration, the first is always
    1. "Will I get caught"
    followed by the second
    2. "Can I destroy all of the evidence"
    followed by the third
    3. "My goodness, would you look at the arse on that"

  6. Love it TSB but the third should only ever be though not spoken when your beloved is around and not to be accompanied with a look in that direction. No doubt you have, like most married men, developed an ability to look out of the corner of your eye.

  7. TC: Yes,it's called basic survival skills


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