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Saturday, 11 June 2011

Bugger this for a game of soldiers

Hacked off fingers

I'm so hacked off I could spit tacks. 



You have been warned.

Actually I'm so pissed off that tacks don't cut it any more, and I've upgraded to 6 inch nails fired from a railgun at 0.99 c.

Political F*cking Correctness has reached heights of absurdity that would cause dear old Maggie Thatcher (of blessed memory) to spontaneously combust.

Down here in the South Pacific paradise known variously as New Zealand, Godzone and Aoteroa, the powers that be have decided that all teachers be compelled to learn the language of the native people, and should be able to use Te Reo Maori.  We will also be forced into attending classes on the Maori culture.

I ask the question, WHY?

Actually, no I don't.

Completely Insane


The schools are short of cash, we've got classrooms that are so filled with mould spores from the appalling condition of the "temporary" buildings, that Health and Safety are unsure whether to burn them to the ground or to permanently seal them in concrete as a potential Weapon of Mass Destruction. 

We're almost forcing teachers to carry on teaching, even when they're sick because we can't afford to employ relief teachers. 

I have to ask my classes to re-use other classes photocopied worksheets because my departments curriculum budget has been cut by $2000. 

We've got kids addicted to marijuana, crystal meth and alcohol.

We've got kids whose home life reads like something from Auschwitz, who come to school tired (because they can't get to sleep at night because of fear, hunger and cold) hungry,(no food at home, maybe some that night) and with zero ambition (because their entire family (sorry, I should have said according to the PC Gestapo) their whanau) has been on state benefit for generations, and all they can foresee is getting pregnant and getting more benefit.

If they think that simply getting teachers to learn Te Reo Maori will solve all these problems then they really are completely bloody insane.

Absolutely and Completely F*cking Insane

I don't do languages.  I studied French and German for 4 years in Scotland., and failed every exam.  My aptitude is for science, maths and computers.

If I have to devote a large percentage of what little spare time I have left to studying a paleolithic language and culture which has little relevance in the 21st f*cking century, and which by their own research, is dwindling and will probably be extinct by 2035, then my other responsibilities like creating new courses for the new f*cking curriculum and accommodating more f*cking ideas from academics stuck in f*cking ivory towers will not be fulfilled.

But who cares.

Let us create a whole generation of proud Maori tama and kĊhine who can do Hakas and relate their whakapapa and will have to live off the state benefit because they cannot effectively communicate in English.

Let us ignore reality and return to a world of a Moa rich environment where nobody has to work, food runs about for catching, and fruit falls from the trees. Oops Sorry.  That was all destroyed by Maori.  But we're not allowed to say that any more. Same as we're not allowed to mention eating people is also  not nice.

I am not racist, and I love NZ and it's various cultures, but they've got to get their head around the fact that they've got a serious problem with trying to incorporate an ancient culture into an advanced civilization.  It's not working, and simply trying to plaster over the cracks by making teachers learn Te Reo Maori is just plain stupid. 

Learn how to pronounce the student's names properly, YES
Learn how to say sentences and phrases in  Te Reo Maori, NO (apart from hello, thank you etc.)
Learn which iwi the kids come form . NO, NO, NO . I don't need to understand which river is "sacred' to which f*cking iwi, does that effect how I teach database field selection, or variable types in a recursive conditional loop?
Learn the words of a karakea (blessing) NO, I'm an atheist, so as far as I'm concerned, asking ANY god for help, is a no-hoper.

No, No, No1000.

Now for my other more minor rant.

I've got a great deal of respect for our young teachers. They finish their teacher training with great hopes and a positive attitude (unless they did their training in Aberdeen, when an early release into the grave is their greatest desire).

Happy after leaving teaching college

They get a little bit of extra time off (humorously called "non-contact" time, where they can prepare their lessons, do their marking, weep silently into their handkerchiefs etc. I've noticed that one of our young ladies was looking a bit depressed.

Last term she was bright, bubbly and very positive. She was looking like becoming a very good teacher. This term she's quiet and a bit sad. I asked if I could help, maybe come in to one of her classes, and give some support if needed. (Believe it or not, but some classes can be a bunch of little sods, and we can always use a bit of company in facing down the rabid beasts)
But she said she didn't need any help (with a big grin and a thank you) it wasn't the classes that were getting her down, it was the management of the school.

After a restorative meeting with a swearing kid and ***** (name removed on advice of counsel)

We are really lacking a sense of continuity and consistency. Most DPs give it a good shot, send kids home when needed, but guess who?

Yes our dear friend ***** (name removed on advice of counsel)is f*cking up again.
He's just not cutting the mustard, he's weakening the whole team, and even our new teachers can sense that it's all beginning to fall apart.

We know who the weak link is.

If they don't get this guy to straighten up, I'd be happy to do a little bit of surgery myself.

Did you know I that I used to be a Biochemist and a Microbiologist. I know of at least 4 toxins that can be produced in a simple kitchen. I know of at least 3 methods of undetectably introducing toxins into foods. I can hit a 4 inch target at 400 metres with a 7.62 mm full metal jacket.

My 7.62 is better than any f*cking pedagogy

I would even give a discount.

Just for the sake of the school you understand.

Personal animosity is not part of the equation.

Yeah right.


Here's an extra.
Frogdancer put this link to a really
great video with a cat and a dolphine.
Here it is.


  1. That's like us being expected to learn Aborigine.

    But which dialect????

    Never going to happen.

    That's just mental. Good luck.

  2. A good rant bonny lad, and yes I do agree with it all. Something has to be done about our beloved *****
    Geordie boy

  3. Froggie: It's a bit odd, isn't it. Our problem is that our "union" is as weak as dishwasher, and is full of leftie tree-hugging greenies who want to embrace the "wider" culture. Thanks for your expression of support, I've got a horrible nasty feeling that we'll end up all doing what they want.
    Kaiora .

    Geordie boy: Howa bonnie lad. I'm getting so sick of the ***** that I've actually sent my CV of to a school in Auckland. here

  4. Dear Twisted, Maori disadvantage is like Aboriginal disadvantage - what in Public Policy speak is called a wicked problem. No one thing or even a lot of things done in concert by any government will fix it. Indeed, there are some Aboriginal leaders eg Noel Pearson who want Aborginal communities to start standing up and taking charge of themselves rather than maintaining this client relationship with government. But governments and public servants feel they have to try, hence the directive to learn Maori. Do you really think however that they will fund this continually? As for the other matter, don't you think that he should be promoted...elsewhere?

  5. I get the feeling TSB that not only would you do the job for free rather than the stated {but as yet carefully unqualified because after all you're a Scotsman} discount, that you would

    A} do the job for free anyway given half the chance.
    B} probably have to restrained to stop you applying the same remedy in many other areas.

    But my view would be.


    {just effin do it!}

  6. A classic smoke and mirrors maneuver. People will be distracted from real problems in the schools because teachers are being made to learn the native language. Do administrators have to learn it too, or just teachers?

  7. Linda in Chile: I agree it could be what you termed a "wicked problem", but I also think there's major differences between the problem with ABoriginals in Aussie and Maori here in NZ. I also want to make it clear that I actually have a lot of respect for the way in which NZ Maori are keeping their culture going, even after years of government repression. My beloved is a komatua at the local Marae, I admire how my colleagues develope an understanding of the finer aspects of Maori culture in our school and community. But it's all voluntary. As soon as they start making it compulsory, and enforcing attempts to use it in actual teaching, then that is wrong.

    As far as the other, is it fair to others to allow him to get promoted? The next step would be Principal, and I really would't wish that on anyone.

  8. Alistair: Yes, I probably would do it for free, but I must admit the only thing restraining me is not ethical or moral considerations but practical ones. I really don't want to spend my twilight years in a cell in the pokey. However, if you wish to contribute to the (good) cause, please feel free to donate to the "relief" fund (details later) and some samples of blood skin and other DNA-containing fluids would be very useful in establishing a case of reasonable doubt.

  9. Patience_Crabstick: Welcome, feel free to drop in anytime. Sorry your (presumed)first visit was being exposed to my rant. You are I think, correct. It is all a bit smoke and mirrors. Every year since I've been teaching here in NZ we analyse our academic results, and every year there is a clear indication of an ethnic divide, with Maori boys performing poorer than others. We've upped our game in a big way during this time, and our whole school results have shown a major improvement, with a rise in all achievement, but Maori boys still lag behind. That's a good question about the administrators, and I don't know. I would think that Prinicpals and Deputy Principals would have to, as they're designated as teaching administrators, but I don't think our office staff could be forced to participate.

  10. Follow me TwistedScottishBastard, let me be your leader.

  11. Hey, I can do a Manchester accent, if that helps.

  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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