No Kids Today

It's Teacher Only Day at Nuova Lazio High.  It seems strange to be at a school without the sounds (shouts, screams, curses, singing, blows of meaty fists against concussed skulls) of our little kiddie-winks enjoying themselves (except the poor little sods who are on the receiving end of said meaty fists)

We are all coming in today to discuss professional teacher stuff.  What exactly we're going to be discussing is not entirely clear.  I reckon it'll go something like this:

08:30 -09:30  Professional discussion in groups.

This really means getting together with your friends and relating the events of the holiday weekend.  Barbeques attended, brews drunk, sport watched etc.

  09:30 - 10:30  Pedagogical debate on new teaching philosophies.

This really means an hour long whingeing and whining session, when all the older, experienced (and dare I say it, more cynical) teachers tell the younger ones that their new ideas either.

Will never work.

Been done before and it didn't work then, and it won't work now.

Congratulate them on their superb professional research, and suggest that their ideas be immediately adopted as it means you'll lose your nasty year 9 class, and at least three duties over 2 weeks.

10:30 - 11:00 Tea.

This is really an extension of the first session, accompanied by groans and comments about the lack of decent (free) tucker.  What happened to the days of trays of sausage rolls, savouries and potato-topped pies?

11:00 - 12:30 Wellbeing.

This is the ominous one.  We're going to get lectured (by Ringo I think) on how we can keep our little kiddie-winks from killing each other and/or us, or any other innocent bystander.  It will probably contain an anti-smoking and/or an anti-drinking message, so that's me out of it straight away.  I'll make some sort of excuse and gently drift away to my little office.  I've been trying to complete my wax doll (technically called a poppet) of Ringo, but I'm finding it difficult to get the features to express the usual disdain that emanated from the original.  I can also work on the miniature guillotine.

12:30 - 13:00 Strategic Plan for next 5 years

We're supposed to "help" create a viable plan, to help the school create a splendid educational pathway into the future.  Like most staff, I don't really care about this sort of thing. The previous Principal used to do it himself and lay it out for "final consultation" with the staff. It just meant we saw it, we nodded, it was accepted. I much preferred this method.  Why bother?  I know some of the things that must be in it already. 

Reach or beat the National norms for NCEA 1, 2 and 3.

Improve Maori Boy achievement

Save money by spending less on curriculum development

Develop new curricula in line with Ministry expectations

Incorporate KCs (Key Competences.  A new buzz word in the National Curriculum) in all levels of teaching

Develop an internal testing standard for our Year 9s and 10s

Reduce stand-downs and exclusions

Increase levels of discipline throughout the school.

My idea on improving discipine

13:00- 14:00 Lunch 

We used to get a free lunch, but now we have to bring in our own.  It was suggested that we make this a "shared lunch" a New Zealand phenomenon, where everyone brings in a bit extra to share with other staff.  The last time I did this, I spent ages making scones and cakes and special sandwiches filled with delicate hams and cheeses, just to see them being absorbed by S***** in about 10 seconds flat, and all I got was a couple of (stale) shop-bought biscuits. I'll take off to my office and eat an apple.

14:00 - 15:30 Faculty Discussion and Planning

The only really useful part of the day, when we get to sit down with our colleagues and in an hour long whingeing and whining session, the older, experienced (and dare I say it, more cynical) teachers tell the younger ones what they're doing wrong.  We might also get some marking done.  Nobody stays until 15:30.

Then we can go home.