We had an after school meeting today.
When all of our little angels had been herded out of the gates, and after the minefields and electric fences were switched on to stop the little buggers from getting back in, the teachers met in the staffroom..
Let me just set the scene.
Envisage if you will, a large and gloomy hall.
Uncomfortable semi-stuffed armchairs are lined up in serried ranks.
The food vending machine sits in the corner, producing its usual slightly threatening hum, glints of forbidden chocolates glinting in its depths.
The hiss of the boiling water tap as the incoming exhausted pedagogues fill up their tea and coffee mugs, desperately needed chemical crutches to support them through the 70 minute universe of tedium rapidly approaching.
The mind-numbed wretches stumble through the gloom to find some sort of comfort in the corners, the nooks and crannies, behind the support pillars, and especially up into bad-boys corner. Anywhere even partly out of sight.
For they all know that Ringo is to come.
Ringo the Retched (I know you probably think it should be Wretched, but trust me, Retched is more appropriate) is going to pronounce our doom.
Ringo the Revolting is going to speak as Genghis spoke to his hordes.
Ringo, the pedagogue's pedagogue (and you really can't get nastier than that) is going to indoctrinate us in his new method of REPORTING.
He has a SYSTEM.
His SYSTEM is crap.
But Ringo has learned from his past failures, and they are legion.
The number of his failures make all of the grains of sand blowing and accumulating in the Great Cold Gobi Desert appear as the tiniest drop of pollen on a Bee's tongue.
Ringo has grown more cunning, for the Beast is so.
And the Beast demands sacrifice, and the sacrifices were given up, and lo, they were innocent, and they were naive and just formed.
And the sacrifices were brave and the sacrifices were noble, and the sacrifices tried.
They tried to explain the SYSTEM.
They tried, they tried, they tried with such nobility of effort that the hearts, yea even of that most cynical and twisted of that bitter and twisted group, softened.
And pity, that rarest of the states of consciousness utilised by that silent throng was abroad.
But pity was killed, pity was crushed under the mighty will of the assembled host, as were the hopes of the sacrifices, and their doom could be seen in their sadly glistening eyes.
They knew the price of failure.
They had failed Ringo, and Ringo was a cruel master. Ringo would remember, and they would pay.
At last the fairest of the assembled throng gathered her mighty thews and spake to those assembled.
Yea The Bay Tree spoke.
She spoke words of Wisdom.
She spoke word of Power.
She spoke words of Truth.
She said "What a load of Crap"
And the silent acquiescence flowed from the mighty throng, and Ringo was sore afraid.
For such does the Bully fear the Truth, the Vulture fear the Eagle, the Rat fear the Terrier.
And Ringo bowed his head, and he spake. "It could be better"
And all saw the shame in his face.
And all saw the hatred of the fair Bay Tree.
And some saw the smirk on the visage of TSB, sitting quietly in the Bad Boys Corner, for TSB was wise, TSB was experienced, and TSB knew that Ringo had f*cked up. Again.
The assembled horde departed, but they departed in confusion.
The decisions so desperately needed for the incantation of Parental Reports had not been completed and all was not well.
They departed in sadness for the sacrifice of the young and innocent.
They departed tired and dispirited, for they knew that another meeting was forthcoming and the doom was upon them.
They departed with the weight of failure upon them
Who went straight home, had a very large whisky and told his Beloved,
"Ringo f*cked up again"
I do feel good.
A few posts ago, The Curmudgeon asked me how to make a concealed hyperlink in a comment box.
I tried 6 times to put the instructions in an answering comment, bu time, as the instructions utilise HTML code which is the blog itself.
I gave up then, but I am not just a TwistedScottishBastard, I'm a TenaciousScottishBastard, so here are the instructions to put in the link.