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Thanks to Hestia's Larder for this delightful award.
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Friday, 10 September 2010

The Worm Turns

Though you'd beaten me Dark Lord of the Shit?
Never. (Although your damned black infection is difficult to erradicate)

We Scots are made of tougher stuff than you effete English.
Begone, back to that dark pit from whence you came.

Now I'm back, I can now offer a bonus for my tired readers of a scholastic persuasion.
TSB(the Scot, not the Arena)'s Report Writing Service is available to the select few.
Rates are quite reasonable and are shown below:

Basic Report: (varies between 550 and 700 characters per pupil)
Year 9 core class (max 32) $2.00 per pupil
Year 9 option class (max 32) $2.50 per pupil (specialised vocabulary needed)
Year 10 core class (max 32) $2.50 per pupil
Year 10 option class (max 32) $3.00 per pupil (specialised vocabulary needed)
Year 11 or 12 class (max 30) $5.00 per pupil
Year 13 class $6.00 per pupil

Extra Bland Special Offer: 25% discount of total

Special Services:

Nasty Nancy;  Non PC innuendo on pupil's sexual preferences $5.00 per selected pupil
Dumb Dustbin;  Especially twisted comments exhibiting pupil's low IQ $3.50 per selected pupil
Big Bugger; Aimed at those kids who are destined for the front row of the All Blacks; $3.00 per selected pupil
Musical Misfits; For those of an artistic/dramatic/musical bent. $3.00 per selected pupil.  extra 50% off when chosen together with Nasty Nancy.
Vitriolic Venom;  For those you really hate.  Guaranteed non-actionable. You can choose from 3 sub-options; Lazy, Stupid or Evil.  $10.00 per selected pupil.

Simply send a list of names and type of class to my secret email address, and deposit 50% of the total bill in my account.  Balance to be paid within 24 hours of receiving the completed report comments. 

Or Else.


  1. I'll take the delux pack thanks. I'll expect all my reports to be completed by Monday, just before Grand Moff Tarkin von Ringo begins his thousand year reign.

  2. Mmmm. MPD must be catching.
    By the way, I like the Report Writing Services idea. After reading Richard (of RBB's) latest post I also was thinking why can't all this stuff be templated and the 'boxes' just filled in. I haven't got a single report from my schooldays but remember them as a simple form with ticks or crosses (I of course only had ticks - and not the itchy kind).

  3. The Catholic schools were never this bad. Repent and pray that the religious will again teach our children!

  4. Father Woodcock was hands on with his reporting.


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