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Thursday 29 March 2012

Lust


I saw it yesterday, and I can't get it out of my skull.


The healthy curves, the taught yet yielding skin, the pucker at the tips.

I was going out of my mind.



I couldn't concentrate in class.  Even my lovely Year 10s were just vague apparitions as I focused on my vision of the tight, taut meat.


I couldn't concentrate in the weekly Professional Learning session. (Mind you, that's the same every week) I know I'm supposed to be a professional, but I really don't give a f*ck. I'm a good teacher who gets good results for my students who seem to enjoy their lessons. Everything else is secondary.
And, Oh Yes, my Maori students have a lower failure rate than the other ethnic groups, so I should really be getting a f*cking gold star and a pass, giving me permission to be absent from every other PL session this decade.

But I still couldn't even focus on our new PE teacher's gleaming thighs and taut buttocks. (Note to self.  Next Parent Teacher day, when the lovely new PE teacher comes to school, DON'T ask her to pick up the piece of paper lying in front of her pigeon hole.  Skin tight leather trousers and the bending-stretching motion necessitates an immediate cold shower and an immediate change in (my) underwear.)

Ohhhh

I just couldn't focus on anything.

I knew it was forbidden.

I knew it was dangerous.

I knew it was against the law.

I didn't care.

I was going to do it.

I was going to stroke the lovely curves.

I was going to kiss that hot, oily surface.

I was going to worry the puckered bit between my teeth.

I was going to take my really sharp knife and I was going to use it.

I could imagine the smell, the texture, the TASTE.

I was going to rub on the butter.






I was going to mash the turnip, the potatoes all together.

I WAS GOING TO EAT MY HAGGIS.

My Beloved had sneaked it in past biosecurity, and it was all mine.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

16 comments:

  1. I only recently lost my haggis ginty! I loved every mouthful.
    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh TSB your'e such a tease!

    ReplyDelete
  3. YONKS: I'm glad you enjoyed your first experience, and that it was good for you. Did you have seconds.

    Laoch: "Oh the humanity"?
    I know not what you mean.

    Is it the symbolism?
    Is it the gravid contents of blood lights, oatmeal, onion and spices?
    Is it the sheep's stomach?
    Tell me if you have the guts for it.

    VG: Lawks a'mercy young M'am, you make a bloke blush.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can see it in the Herald now: Teacher In Offal Probe.

    ReplyDelete
  5. looby: Oh you are offal!

    "TEACHER GETS INTO OFFAL TROUBLE"

    "TEACHER IS OFFAL TO KIDS"

    "TEACHER SAYS PAY IS OFFAL"

    "TEACHER SAYS EDUCATIONALISTS ARE OFFALY FULL OF SHIT"

    It really works.

    Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've never had the opportunity to try haggis. but i think I'd like it. I'm very fond of black pudding

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  7. For some reason I have always imagined haggis to look like a stuffed sausage. Thanks for the image. Love the opportunity for offal jokes!

    ReplyDelete
  8. nursemyra: I'm sorry you've never had to taste the unctuous pleasure that is haggis. If you like black pudding, I'm pretty sure you'd love the "Great Chieftain o' the Puddin' Race"

    Patience_Crabstick: I can understand the confusion. It does look like a sausage in a way, but a sausage that's severely challenged in the weight area. And on steroids.
    I think you can get Haggis from Canada. I enjoy offal puns, they make me feel offaly good.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I've tried Haggis twice. Once at a Burns Night many years ago. It was very nice. Then a few years back at my friend Fiona's Hogmannay. Her Scottish Mum made it. Was not so nice that occassion. I spewed. But it was proabbly all the bourbon and coke I drank that night. SHould have stuck to my usual poison insted - the wine.

    ReplyDelete
  10. When I was for a time in Scotland, in Edinburgh and Aberdeen, I used to have Haggis. It always made me feel like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUVDmXvXcbk

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  11. VG: Every home-made Haggis I've tried has been awful, the spice mix is quite critical. I blame the bourbon, or as it is known in whisky drinking circles in Scotland as "That American Abomination"

    Laoch: Are you implying that the Scottish National dish made you explode in flames?

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  12. That is a master class in filth. Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  13. theharridan: Ehhh, isn't it a wee bit excessive to call a haggis "filth"?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Alistair: Double yum.
    I still occasionally dream of haggis. I've tried psychotherapy, confession and even electroconvulsive therapy.
    But only a true haggis, neeps and champit tatties really satisfies. *sigh*

    The curve of the female human form is also quite attractive I find.

    ReplyDelete

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