Sometimes I wonder at what actually goes on inside the brain of a woman, or at least, inside my Beloved's head.
I titled this post "The Gullibility of Women", but I am not implying that I have tried to fool my own true love in any way, or tried to hide facts from her.
I'm not talking about the occasional cigar I might surreptitiously puff behind the bike sheds at Nuova Lazio High School.
The emergency medicinal Whisky I keep in the secret compartment of my carpenter's bench in the garage.
The packets of cashew nuts, salamis and processed cheese slices removed quietly from the Emergency Earthquake Supplies box..
I'm talking about shopping.
Last week, the Wine Guy was
I mentioned that we seldom bought a wine over $10, and with a couple of exceptions, they were quite drinkable, and that many were NZ wines.
I believe the Wine Guy's response was on the order of saying that we were drinking crap.
I mentioned this to my Beloved and she looked shocked.
"That's terrible" she said.
"I know" I replied, I don't think they're all that bad"
"No" she snapped back, "I'm talking about you getting it wrong" "Again"
Now I've been well brought up.
My Dad trained me well, and I've had my skills honed after 35 years of marriage.
"Sorry Dear" I humbled
and after a few seconds pause "What did I get wrong?"
"We never buy such cheap wines" "All the wines I buy are over $25, some over $35"
Now I am a little bit of a control freak. It comes I think with being a teacher, or maybe it's just a Man Thing, but I like to know all that I can.
I'm not as bad as a bloke I used to work with in the 80s. He used to keep a little black notebook in his breast pocket, and every time he spent money, he would write it down. We were working in Sales and marketing for a division of a very large Pharmaceutical/Diagnostic company, and we were on expense accounts then, and while it was fairly important to keep track of everything we spent on business (and especially collect the receipts) he wrote down everything.
Item: Newspaper, cost 30p
Item: Use of toilet, cost 10p
So I wasn't quite as anal as that but I tried to keep track of my Beloved's spending at all times.
(My Dad, before I got married said to me:
"Son, there's two things a Man Has To Do for a happy marriage"
"Firstly, if you have an argument (and you will) always apologise, especially if you're right (and you will be)"
"Secondly, stop your wife from spending money ")
But I do peruse the receipts from Countdown and Pack 'n' Save (as well as collect the petrol discount voucher) and I could not remember seeing any wine over $10.
"Which wines were over $10?" I gently enquired.
"All of them" she snorted (genteelly)
"But Dear", "I cannot remember seeing any wine over $10 on the receipts"
"Of course not" She snorted again (less genteelly) "I never spend more than $10"
There now followed at least a 30 second pause, as Husband's poor brain tries in vain to process the contradictory information presented to it.
"What" she snapped. (Nothing bloody genteel about this)
"I don't understand My Darling" (Every bloke in a long term partnership can express an extraordinary range of emotion in those two words) (This time it conveyed a subtle hint of "What the F*ck")
She stared hard at me until I smiled winsomely, then said "I didn't PAY more than $10 but they were $25 - $35 originally"
Ah. Light dawned.
"Oh you mean they were reduced from $25 - $35 to $10?"
"Yes" she snorted (Gentility is no longer even a dim and distant memory)
Now I have a lot of respect for my Beloved in many, many ways, but How The F*ck does she believe all the marketing hype.
Does she know that the original price was $35?
She believes what's on the label. (Which is strange, because she doesn't always believe everything I say.) I blame the Wine Guy. He used to be in Wine Marketing, and he's probably responsible for all
Sad, isn't it.
I still love her, always, but sometimes I really wonder what goes on in her head.
I know what goes on in mine.