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Friday, 23 December 2011

Life is Hell

I'm bored

This is just the second week away from teaching the kids at Nuova Lazio, and I'm fed up.

My Beloved keeps on thinking up ideas to keep me "productively occupied"

That's right.  Keep me f*cking busy. I deserve it after a year's hard graft.

Drain, clean and refill the fish pond without killing the damned fish

Fertilize (using plant fertilizer for those who have minds suitable for a sewer) all the plants in the back garden.

Vacuum (actually we use the word Hoover, just be interested if that usage is universal) all the carpets and the nice little cobwebs.

Clean all the windows, inside and out.

Go for cycle rides in the gorgeous yet BLAZING HOT SUN.

Clean the outdoor furniture.
Scrub the barbecue (What on earth is wrong with old carbon and congealed grease? I think it adds flavour to the steaks)

(So my Beloved says, and we all know she's always right)
Have you ever heard such crap?
What's wrong with drinking a lovely icy G & T under a hot summer sun.
Is it life-threatening?
Is it debilitating (Alright, maybe after the third/fourth work becomes just too much of a bind, Man)
Does it reduce your pleasure in life?
Never mind, I know I'm a henpecked bastard whose spine is in dire need of a steel rod.

At last all the "little" jobs are completed, and I can rest in peace.

My Scottish ingrained "Presbyterian Work Ethic" is satisfied with the amount of sweat produced, knuckles grazed and blood shed.
Even more important, my Beloved has dozed off on the couch.

I should like to point out that this is NOT my beloved, and that depicting her as a cat is in no way implying that she's at all catty or in any way has feline traits. Like chasing mice, killing birds or screaming at night.  Normally.

Lying back on the porch swing under a fluorescent blue (I kid you not.  If you've never seen a New Zealand sky then you will be unaware of the extra brilliance all that extra (but not nice) UV causes.
The sky f*cking glows.
View from our front porch (note neighbour's NZ flag flying proudly, plus the  palm tree.  Make me feel really Christmasy.  Not.)

The sun is incandescent, but I'm safe under a large awning, sipping my Non-alcoholic (well that's what she thinks) tonic water, ice and lemon.

View down the valley

Lying back, reading a new book, relaxing.

Maybe life's not too bad after all.

My viewpoint as I sip my G & T and read my new ebook.  (Please note the canopy, done in typical kiwi style.  It's a couple of tarpaulins tied together with string, rope and bungee cords.  The old canopy simply rotted away to nothing in just two years of exposure to the UV rich NZ sunshine.  One of the reasons we have the highest usage of factor 50 sunblock in the world)


  1. Bloody freezing here today.

    You deserve all the work your better half can find you!


  2. I spent part of yesterday recording with my older brother. Then we went out and played golf. Life is good.

  3. It's dreary and raining here. But they've issued a Winter Weather Advisory for tonight!

    And I think Hoovering is only British...we say vacuuming in the states. Could be wrong; I often am.

    Cocktail time! Thanks for reminding me!

  4. Alistair: I know. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Waht? Work. You b*stard. What happened to the Supreme Henpecked Universal Solidarity of Husbands?(SHUSH)

    Richard [of RBB]: Golf?

    Austan: So sorry. I take it a Winter Weather Advisory is not a good thing?

    Strange about the Hoovering, as Hoover is a US company. It's always cocktail time.

    TWG: Yep. I didn't even know that Richard[of RBB] had ever seven seen a golf ball before.

  5. Kirsty says things like "Maybe we could..." and whilst many long years ago that might have been followed up by some filthy suggestion involving the stairs or the kitchen table, now it's more likely to be (yes, we say it too) "Hoovering". And again, I don't mean any use of said machine in a way not included in the instruction manual.

    Anyway Twisted Happy Christmas from twelve hours away!


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