|Turning to custard is a Kiwi phrase which really means it's FUBAR|
I must have upset a mythical being or two in the last few days, because everything today turned to
It started with me falling asleep again after the alarm went off at 5:23, and I didn't really surface again until 6:00.
Staggering through my normal morning routine, I managed to;
- Forget to plug in the toaster
- Then set it too high and burned the toast
- Filled the kettle but forgot to switch it on.
- Switched off the computer instead of switching it on.
- Dropped a cup full of instant coffee granules (why do inoffensive liitle granules turn to globs of sticky black stuff within 0.03 second when they hit the floor)
- Kicked the dog (That was semi-deliberate, as the little shit-machine didn't want to get out of the way)
Back up from the garage as I'd forgotten my lunch, back to the garage.
Back up from the garage as I'd forgotten my briefcase, back to the garage.
Back up from the garage because I'd forgotten to brush my teeth.(and it really wasn't fair to poison the kids with a combination of coffee/morning breath)
Brushed my teeth, back to the garage.
Back up from the garage because I'd forgotten my phone, my relief diary and my ebook reader.
Checked my head was still on, headed back to the garage.
Strange, the car wasn't responding to the remote control.
Unlocked the car manually.
Car wouldn't start.
Radio was dead.
Put it on charge for 10 minutes.
Still didn't start.
Got my Beloved's MX5 out of the carport and got the jump cables out.
Opened the bonnet of my Beloved's MX5...WTF was the battery?
|I kid you not...no F*cking battery|
Ah, vague memory..opened car boot (trunk to any Americans reading this) searched through pile of bags, clothes umbrellas, food packs, ice packs, empty munchy bar wrapper, wine bottles? WTF were two wine bottles doing in my Beloved's car. Was she a secret drinker? (Mental note to breathalyse Beloved on my return). two more umbrellas. WTF does anyone need THREE umbrellas in a car boot? Discovered battery hiding under floor mat. Hit battery for hiding. Bruised knuckles. Blood.
Reversed MX5 around so boot was next to my car's engine (NOTE: Did it in 3 moves, proving the natural superiority of the male) got out of car to attach jump leads.
Got back in car and moved OFF jump leads. Rather sheepishly...male superiority took a bit of a hit.
Put away jump leads, battery charger, extension cables and put Beloved's MX5 back where it was, but back to front from where it was when I started. Pictured Beloved's facial expression as she tried to remember what was different. HAHAHA.
Got in my car and drove off.
Not too bad, only 30 minutes late.
Fuel warning light came on.
Filled car on way to school. Lady in front to queue was seemingly buying entire week's groceries from petrol station. Have these people ever heard of SUPERF*CKINGMARKETS?. Then she had to go back out to get purse from car.
And they let them breed?
Contemplated immediate euthanasia (of her, not me) but reckoned cops might get a wee bit nigly if I cut off her stupid head.
Paid. (36 seconds, card ready in hand, finger poise on PIN number pad. That's the way to do it ladies; Preparation.
Back to car.
Back to till, picked up car keys, returned to car.
Sped up hill to school.
Sped along road to school.
Phone went off. Another teacher off sick
Into office, frantically phoning relievers, printing off class roles and plans, arranging the relief work.
Got everything finished by the 8:25 deadline.
Stress bleeding off.
Throbbing in temples reducing to mild grumble.
Looking forward to quick cup of coffee before teaching starts.
Asked if I had arranged cover for the special meeting between 2 and 3.
Nobody told me about any F*CKING meeting.
Then the Principal mentioned that he wanted all Heads of Faculties (including my own good self) to give a quick talk at 3:15 whole school meetingabout our plans to increase maori achievement. We had done some preparation and planning for this last week, but nobody had mentioned a talk. All the notes from the meeting were being held by a HOF who was off today.
|Surprise...we want you to give a talk|
Rushed around (goodby, cup of dearly needed coffee) to arrange some covers, then headed for class.
Lovely kids. Working quietly and well.
Bless their little cotton socks, at least they are better organised than RINGO, who had called the meeting and hadn't thought to mention it to me.
I can't get home quickly enough tonight, but if things keep going in this fashion, I'll probably run over a sheep, hit a cyclist or even encounter a lovely little 7.6 earthquake.
I'm looking forward to either kicking the dog again when I get home (did I mention the dog-poo I found on my shoe?) or a rather large whisky.
Maybe even both.
|Both is good|
(I added this because Ricard[of RBB], who is no longer a Muslim said he wanted more page 3 girls.)
(Here you go Richard, your wish is my command)