Looking Forward to Retirement

Unfortunately, today, I go back to school.  The last two weeks have been mostly pleasant, consisting in the main of long periods of sleep with extra dozing, eating, drinking, reading and lying in the sun.


Of course I still had to do my share of the housework, but that didn't really reduce my overall happiness index.

Until last night.

As I was finishing the ironing (look, I may sound like a typical henpecked hubby, but even from the start of my married life, I preferred the standards of my ironing to that of my beloved's) I casually mentioned to my Beloved how pleasant the Autumn term break had been. (Pay attention, April = Autumn in NZ & Oz)

She didn't rely reply, she snorted (in a sort-of-dignified-ladylike way).

The conversation then went like this.

My Beloved (MB): *snort*
Me: "Sorry Dear, did you say something?"

Do I have a plan? 

I do now.

MB: "I hope you've got a plan"
Me: "What?" (I must admit that sometimes my Beloved uses a logic not available to blokes)

MB: "I've talked to L*****, and she's worried about your brother as well" (L****** is my sister-in-law)
Me "What?"

MB: "Don't think that you'll be doing the same when you retire, I'm not having you hanging around the house all day"
Me: "Oh, you're talking about when I retire, aren't you?"

I should add, that I plan to retire in 5.64931 years, or 2062 days, 7  hours and 17 minutes, not that I'm anxious to go you understand, I love my job so much.

MB: "You need to get a hobby that will take you out of here when you retire." "I will have had 17 years of being on my own during the day"(my Beloved was given a very early(and generous) medical retirement from the NHS) "and I don't want you hanging around."
Me: "Just a minute, it's my home too you know"

MB: "It doesn't matter, you're not going to be annoying me all day long"
Me: "That's silly, it's a big house, I can be lying through there" (Points to relatively unused family room at back of house)" and I'd never disturb you"

MB: "It's not far enough away"
Me: with just a hint of sarcasm "How far away should I be then, my Dear"

MB: "I don't care, just not in the house all day"
Me :"It's my bloody house too, don't you tell me what I can do"

I'm not going to give the details of the ensuing argument fight screaming-match discussion, as the language may be a little intemperate for readers of a more gentle disposition.  Let us imagine violent gesticulation, over-exaggeration, histrionics in general. 

Until at last m'son came in from the family room and asked us to tone it down as he couldn't hear his music even though he was wearing earphones.

We did calm down and tried (semi-successfully) to have a rational discussion.

We finally agreed on the following points regarding my 5+ years distant retirement.
I could do whatever I wished to occupy my time after I retired as long as it did NOT include

1. Beer
2. Gambling
3. Other Women
4. Too much  mess, noise or dirt
5. Strange smells??? (Don't ask me, ask MB)

But it would

• Take me out of the house during the normal working hours
• Not cost too much money as my Beloved still wanted to go on that Round-The-World Cruise.
• Involve at least a little exercise

See, compromise is easy.

Just give in.

I asked if I could indulge in a little taxidermy, but she pointed that would  contravene regulation points 4 and 5 above. 

Pity, I always wanted to stuff a sheep.

I then asked if  she would object to me starting a hobby I've always considered; Wood Turning.

That seemed to meet all the requirements as long as I promised to sweep the workshop out every day, give myself a good dusting down before re-entering the house, and no, I couldn't keep a fridge down there "to keep the cold chisels"

Silly woman, there really are cold chisels

I used to look forward to retirement.

I almost think I'd prefer to stay working at NLHS.

Then I remember 10DK, shudder, and reconsider.


Solitary wood turning isn't so bad, considering.