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Sunday, 15 April 2012

A Prang in Petone

Probably safest place for a woman.  Definitely NOT behind the steering wheel

What is it with women and cars?

My Beloved told persuaded me to go to Petone as she wanted to buy a lovely pair of red and orange high heeled shoes she had seen.

Why on Earth she wanted me to go along I have no idea, because as soon as we had arrived and parked in Jackson Street (The main shopping street in Petone, a small sea-side suburb, opposite Wellington on Wellington Harbour), she ordered directed me to go to a cafe for a coffee, so she could buy the bloody things on her own.

I know my place, so I went.

After she returned, shoeless (it transpired that they didn't have them in her size, HAHAHAHAHA) we had a drink and a cheese scone in Cafe Figg and then went off on a meander around the junk antique shops.  Why anyone would want to buy most of that stuff is beyond me.

99% crap

I can understand people buying some of the stuff I occasionally see on YONKS' blog, with some semblance of style and attractiveness, but who wants to buy a tennis racket without strings, or a wooden captain's chair that is so badly made it's held together with wire binding, AND has armrests and backpiece nailed on with what I suspect are 6" nails AND is being sold for $250. 

Beats the sh*t out of me.

We finally returned to my car, parked outside what used to be Palms Malaysian bistro and is now Uncle Mike's Kansas City BBQ

Who picks these bl**dy names? 
Kansas City BBQ? 
Uncle Mike?

I strongly suspect that "Uncle Mike" has never been out of the North Island let alone been a proprietor skilled in the production of f*cking Barbecues who learned his trade in Kansas f*cking City.

However, as we approached my car I saw a ticket stuck under the wiper blades.

My first thought was

I've been booked for overstaying my parking time (60 minutes in this area)

But the ticket was a funny beige colour.

When opened, it turned out to be a note of apology from another driver who had "slightly bumped" the rear of my car.

When I had a look, I saw this.
The silly woman (You just had to know that is was going to be a lady driver, didn't you) had hit the bumper of my car so hard that it had deformed and the paint and plastic covering had delaminated and peeled off.

How on earth did it happen?

She was probably either;
  • Applying lipstick as she pulled out of the parking bay behind me.
  • Adjusting her hair in the driving mirror as she pulled out of the parking bay behind me.
  • Waving at a friend across the road as she pulled out of the parking bay behind me.
  • Texting
  • Blinded by the recent application of either perfume or hair spray.
  • Or was just doing what came normally to her sex...Who the hell knows.  We blokes have no real idea what goes on under the surface layers of a female mind.

To be fair, she did leave her name and mobile number, and it turned out she had insurance, so all would be fixed with no more cost to me.

But the inconvenience!

I'm now stuck at home for the next 3 days while the repairs get done.

Three days at home with my Beloved.

Three days at home with my Beloved as she thinks up little jobs for me to do to keep me occupied.

She ignores my protestations of having plenty to do.

Read books
Listen to music
Drink beer

I ask you, what's wrong with doing that?

I would also add that in my years in New Zealand, my cars (Mazda MX5, Isuzu Bighorn and the present Subaru Legacy) have all been hit WHILE STATIONARY by woman drivers.

Bloody women.
Yeah, of course you can.
You can find me jobs
You can break my cars
Or you could make my tea.


  1. Now don't get me started! Firstly, thanks for the YONKS mention, my ego has just tastefully risen a few notches. OK, the issue of women drivers. Explain to me why our insurance is cheaper due to the fact that we have less accidents, go on, explain me!

  2. YONKS: Don't mention it, your site often has lots of beautiful things, you've obviously got good taste.
    Now the female car insurance difference.

    •Women are almost 50 percent less likely than men to have a DUI/DWI on their driving record
    •Women are approximately 10 percent less likely to have a moving violation on their record
    •Women own vehicles with an average list price that is over 8 percent lower than the vehicles owned by men ($22,815 vs. $24,861, respectively)
    •Women listed as the primary driver are less likely than men to purchase a car insurance policy with multiple drivers and/or multiple vehicles.

    The above is a list of the reasons produced by our leading insurance company in Aussie and NZ.

    Look at the first two reasons, and I agree that men are more likely to drink drive, and to speed, but NOWHERE does it say that women have fewer accidents.

    I'm not belittling women (my Beloved wouldn't allow me to)but I'm just stating that every accident I've had in NZ (and all but one in the UK) was caused by a woman, and in EVERY case the first thing out of their mouths (after the lipstick) was "I DIDN'T SEE YOUR CAR"

    'nuff said.

  3. I quote:

    For years men have sneered at women drivers and commented that every passing car accident they have seen "must have been caused by a woman driver". But the fact is that the majority of car accident compensation claims are a result of a careless male driver.

    The Office for National Statistics says that men were involved in nearly 172,000 road accidents in 2005 compared to only 93,000 women.

    Is this all down to the moon, the tides and female hormones? Bradford University's research from 2005 suggests that oestrogen could contribute to women being the better drivers. The study also revealed that women are better at multi-tasking. This means that when trying to attend to the manual control of a car, the busy road around them, road signs, screaming kids in the back and such like, women have the edge on men.

    It seems that biology has a big part to play as far as car accidents and resulting compensation claims are concerned and Amarylis Fox, Dr kay marshall and Jo Neill had the following to say about their research, "Oestrogens may positively influence neuronal activity in the frontal lobes, the area of the brain stimulated by tasks of attention and rule learning."

    Ladies are also beginning to bite back as a survey for Yesinsurance revealed that 57% of women claim that they are the better drivers compared to a meagre 31% of men who thought they were superior behind the wheel. Perhaps car accident statistics are finally beginning to hit home.

    Lengthy I know , but, maybe you just attract women :-)

  4. Oh mate, you seem to have missed something here....
    While youre stuck at home with no car she's not spending the money on clocks with no hands or rubber nosed pliers.
    I dont care what claims women make... it's all their fault.

    (claims made by this commenter may be false and misleading)

  5. sorry..........what year are we living in?? Thought for a moment it was 1976....but do go on, there must be something about the mother-in-law!!!

  6. YONKS: Oh Dear, I seem to have hit some sort of nerve. I just wanted to make the point that I'm a babe magnet, and women seem to be irresistably attracted to me and my car. At some sort of speed. As far as multitasking is concerned, I totally agree that women are better, but blokes can give a better and deeper focus on the job in hand. Any female F1 drivers?

    Tempo: Oh thanks very much. You've not only given me something else too worry about, but given extra ammunition to YONKS at YaH, and every other lady in the lexicon.

    YaH: Yes it is 2012, but please don't forget that I'm living in NZ, which is at least 40 years behind the times. I think I'm quite liberated for someone living in least I do the drying and ironing.

  7. I have the excellent luck of being in Petone tomorrow. Where should I avoid? Where's the best coffee? Do you need me to "deal with" Ringo if I have a spare 20 minutes?

  8. Could you train her to buy shoes by herself? You know, as a sort of ritual movement into adulthood?

  9. I'll not get into women driver conversations - my daughter wants to learn later this year... OMG!!! Not in my car - I started with the "It is a company car and not allowed"... She saw through that straight away "No it isn't you had to buy this when you were made redundant" Bugger!

    Tut shops we call them... full of ... tut - I look at stuff like an old wooden tennis racket for £40 and think "Damn there were three of them at Mum's old house"

  10. Shackleford Hurtmore:Firstly, be warned. Ex-Clive lives there, and if you meet him in the street, you'll no doubt get the usual 5 minute diatribe about the gentrification of a true working class area. Be gentle with him, he's had a hard life. He retired from teaching. 'nuff said.

    You can get lovely coffee in Figg, CafeFiend, Revive (in Nevis St.) and what used to be the Screaming Turtle, next to the miniature police station. Apartfrom Revive, they're all in Jacksin St. Best food is probably La Bella Italia, again in Nevis St. (Right down the end of Jackson St. at the railway station end.

    Stay away from shoe shops.

  11. looby: Train my Beloved? This is akin to training a magnificent Tiger, fresh from the wilds of Siberia. Would you wish to tame such magnificence, such glowing vibrant beauty, such a wild spirit?

    Plus it's too bloody late. Ishould have startd 35 years ago, when my Dad gave me the advice that a husbands primary concern was to stop his wife from spending money.

  12. Furtheron: Your daughter sounds like a lovely high spirited girl. Well done. You wouldn't get me trying to teach a woman to drive. It would be like trying to stop a flood of suicidal Lemmings. Get her a nice boy quick, then you can still look after her, but let him do all the dirty work.

    My Mum used to call them Tat shops, not because they offered a free tattoo with every purchase, but because they were full of Tat. Beats me why anyone wants to part with their hard earned money in such a fashion.

  13. Thanks for the tip! Revive had nice coffee, and I successfully managed not to meet any Clives or ex-Clives. Will attempt a lunch somewhere on Jacksin Street, and will avoid the shoe shops. Luckily, it's for a business meeting, so hairy man colleague unlikely to be shopping for high heels.

  14. Shackleford Hurtmore: Glad you enjoyed the coffee at Revive, I liked it and a colleague at NLHS (a gloriously over-the-top bon viveur)gave it 5*.

    regarding the hairy colleague, you never can tell.
    BTW what brings you down from Auckland?

    Getting tired of K road?

  15. Dear Twisted. Shit happens. Get over it. By the way, how well mannered New Zealand ladies are to leave a note. Would a bloke have done that do you think? Linda

  16. Linda in Chile: Ah. you've spotted the weakness in my argument.

    Well done.

    If it had been a bloke it would probably have read something like this.

    I've just bumped your car.
    These yokels looking on think I'm writing down my details for your information regarding an insurance claim.

    Guess they're wrong.

    Have a nice day.


    BTW, I notice you didn't start "Dear TSB" as you usually do.

    Have I given you a slight peeve?

  17. I think "diatribe" is a bit unfair. I'd prefer "calm, lucid and well-reasoned discourse".

    When I first moved here years ago there no antique shops, but there were 8 or so second-hand dealers. They sold useful stuff cheaply. Now the street is full of shops selling expensive tat. I blame the outsiders who come here to - oh, don't get me started!

  18. ex-Clive: Sorry,I should have used the more evocative "rant".

    When did you actually move there?

    Was the pa Hikoikoi still there?

    Gentrification isn't so bad. Just lie back and think of Bill English.

  19. What's all this business about K Road? You seem to know an awful lot about it...

    Sadly, just whoring widgets. I think ours were the wrong size and too expensive, so sadly won't have to come again soon.

  20. Shackleford Hurtmore: K Road? I once spent a weekend in Auckland with m'son and my Beloved, and saw K road from a distance. I call it K road because I cannot pronounce Karangahape properly.

    Ah, whoring widgets. Been there, seen the film, got the T shirt. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. I hope your expences were good.

    Actually if you had been whoring midgets, then I know you should be on K road.


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