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Tuesday, 14 December 2010


Real Knickers
No, this is not a spurious title giving me an excuse to post pictures of unclothed young ladies. I don't need an excuse.

I'm talking about the different approach Men and Women have to underwear.

Funny pictures, broad elastic, good absorption

Guys wear pants/boxers/y-fronts etc. to protect their vulnerable and sensitive areas from friction, to absorb any bodily fluids/solids which might escape during manly farting and to soak up any late-release pee caused by an enlarged prostate. We want solid reliability, comfort, resilience, good broad elastic, high absorption ratios and if at all possible, funny pictures. We do not want lace, frills, see-through panels, gaps, elastic waistbands and never, ever, sequins.

Lace AND frills

Ribbons AND sequins
How much would these soak up?  about 1 ml.

I know about these things. I'm a man. I've been buying my underwear for 5 years. I'm in my late 50s, but 5 years is the length of time between my Mum buying my keks, and my Beloved buying my keks. But they knew what I wanted.

I am completely lost when it comes to buying panties for my beloved as a Christmas present.

As soon as a guy walks into these shops, or even the specialised area of a department store, he can feel the disdainful looks of every woman in the area, plus hear the barely audible giggling emanating from the sales assistants.

Why on earth would women want to wear such things? They're completely impracticable. They're diaphanous, glittery, full of holes, trimmed with lace, in awful colours and amazingly expensive. But we're stuck. It's just a little stocking filler, but I can just see her face if I bought her a pair of Jockey shorts a la Dan Carter. No, these have to be appropriate. So I'll go for the purply-pinksh colour trimmed in a sort of a puce lacy stuff. I know she'll like it, because the smiling sales assistant said so. But it didn't have any funny pictures on it. It's a mystery.

Where's the funny pictures?

It's also a mystery why they're referred to as a pair of panties. I'm only buying one, so why a pair?

Ah the peculiarities of the English language; ever a joy.


  1. "It's also a mystery why they're referred to as a pair of panties. I'm only buying one, so why a pair?"
    It's the leg holes that are important when naming things that cover one from the waste down - a pair of trousers, underpants, etc.
    A skirt only has one leg hole, so it's singular.
    When asked why this is, people usually reply,
    "God knows!"
    It's obviously a Christian thing.

  2. Thanks for explaining Richard[of RBB], that also explains why I didn't know this as I'm not very religious.
    I bet second knew this.

  3. I thought they called them a pair to make you feel better about paying so much - you pay for a pair but you only get one.

  4. Yuck! Who washes your underpants. I suggest that you use disposable ones and get rid of them in a biological hazard bag.


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