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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

We have a problem

Have you noticed the vast number of texting adolescents in the world?

These undereducated and over-resourced teenagers are sending vast numbers of text messages all over the world.  ZDNET estimates 2.3 trillion were sent in 2010.


I won't even mention the horrendous number of spelling mistakes and grammatical massacres that are taking place on a daily basis, but it is the lack of punctuation which bothers me.

Because language, especially the English and Germanic languages, are so dependant on the proper and accurate usage of the appropriate punctuation marks, that many messages are being misinterpreted, and far, far worse, a vast number of unused punctuation marks are building up as a potential force in cyberspace.

Is it only a coincidence that "Anthropomorphic Climate Change" is becoming noticeable when we are accumulating an incredible amount of unused punctuation marks?

I don't think so.

The mountains of crumbling unused commas, the piles of apostrophes squealing in bored under-use, the veritable lakes of colons and semi-colons vainly trying to find a break in a suitable sentence are responsible for the increase in Global Temperatures.

The Royal Academy were trying to store them in the old docklands of London and under the stage of  "The Globe", but they soon ran out of room. 
The Academie Française had a horrendous problem with regiments of cedillas cutting their way, like tiny sickles, through the Tomb D'Napoleon, where they had been buried in concrete. 
I don't even want to talk about the problem the Germans had with gangs of unused ümlauts vandalising the great Ünter Den Linden in Berlin.  It wasn't safe to walk along their beautiful pavements without the ümlauts trying to force their way into your trousers.

Something had to be done.

It was decided by the UN that they should be dumped on the great ice caps at the North and South.  Everyone agreed that this was quite acceptable, as they were biologically inactive, non-toxic and non-sentient, therefore it was safe to dump them there.


The dumping rate increased as the rate of unpunctuated texting increased; exponentially.

They are beginning to spread all over the arctic and antarctic ice caps, and their overall density, although individually of an almost unnoticeable scale, is becoming huge as their numbers increase beyond all imagination.
They are multiplying the heat absorption onto the vulnerable ice.  The albedo will drop. The ice will melt.
OH MY GOD,  They're starting to swarm

Save the Earth.

Use more commas.

You know it's for the best; we all do. "Think of the kids", "Don't ask questions", "Please!""Use!" "More!" "Isn't it the correct thing to do?"

If you get a text message incorrectly punctuated, send it back corrected.  Shame the misanthropic barbarian hordes into correct usage; "You know it makes sense!"

If we don't, you know what is going to happen?

Everythng's going to come to a full stop.


  1. I'm with you on this one, TSB, bad grammar, and texting, both annoy the shit out of me. I hate it too when it's called 'txting'.
    I went to update my very old, and seldom used, cell phone yesterday. One of my brothers had got a new one, theough Telecom, for $50. I thought I'd try for the same deal, since I am a Telecom customer. I was told that I didn't meet the criteria because my cell phone in now prepaid, and not actually on my Telecom account. They showed me more expensive deals.
    I thought,
    "Sod it! Why do I need a bloody cell phone?"
    My old one works for the occasional time I need one. I walked out of the shop and felt somehow just a little bit closer to nature.

  2. "I walked out of the shop and felt somehow just a little bit closer to nature"
    Well you have a friend here. Maybe you two could commune together.

  3. Go back to your fancy pants port, The Wine Guy!

  4. TWG: Thanks!I; think

    DBS: ?

    Richard [of RBB]: thnx. I hate using the keys; I want an alphanumeric keyboard, but they're too dear. Feeling closer to nature? that translates as touching naked. No thnx.

    TWG: Working in NLHS is like living in the f*cking jungle.

    Richard [of RBB]: Now, now, don't get upset, any port in a storm.

  5. As English is my second language I sometimes miss out commas and other marks. I will certainly be trying harder in future.

  6. Bin Hire: Good. You're not related to that looney Gaddafi are you? He certainly missed the mark.

  7. "I'm with you on this one, TSB."
    I just can not bring myself to use txt. I spell everything out to the point where after 5 minutes I just wonder why she just didn't ring for 29 cents!

  8. Was going to leave a comment, but must -

  9. Second: Ah, but if you actually let them talk, you lose control.

    Alistair : Thanks for tryi...

  10. Cnt fkg stnd this txt spk.

    I occasionally tarry on a website designed to bring singletons together online, now that we don't marry our half cousins after timidly asking them to dance in Batley Working Men's Club, and someone can look like a cross between Nigella Lawson and Abi Titmuss, but if she uses text speak in her profile it won't work for me.

  11. looby: I agree, textspk MUST be kept for texting only. Any incursion into the "normal" world needs to be stopped.

    BTW, I wonder if you got your photoicon the same place I got mine. Eerily similar.


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