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Saturday, 8 October 2011

Love, Affection and Saturated Fats

I love my Beloved.

My Beloved loves me.

My Beloved loves me so much, that she always tries to do what is for the best for me.

Even if I don't want to do it.

Health Nazi?  What's a Health Nazi?

Last night we went swimming.  I don't mind swimming in the warm summer weather, when I can go to the pool (absolutely rife with moulds, fungi, bacteria and parasites, all resistant to the Chlorination Process used in most pools.  Sometimes it's not much fun being a Microbiologist) in shorts and jandals (flip-flop sandals, or thongs to any non-Kiwi reader).  Then I don't have to struggle to get wet feet and legs into my trousers.  I know it's a small thing, but I just don't like it.

However my Beloved has decreed that we go swimming.  Exercise is good for you she says.  I know she does it out of love.  She wants to keep me alive and healthy, well as healthy as possible, as age and decrepitude slowly advance.

If we have steaks for dinner (an increasingly rare event, as "red meat is bad"  has established itself as the prime paradigm in her consciousness, along with "saturated fat is bad, other fats are better") she will insist that I cut off and discard the glistening strips of fat along the sides of the steak.  You know, the bits with the most taste.  Same for any other meat.  Fat is verboten.  Apart from Pork.

My Beloved and m'son just love Pork Crackling, whereas I don't (a BAD experience many years ago involving crackling, mucho vodka and red wine, a nymphomaniac girlfriend who had extremely strange ideas regarding "seasoning") so she produces sheets of the fat-laden stuff for the evident enjoyment of them both.  I don't think she's being hypocritical, I really don't.

Then there's Butter.
I really love butter. I love it spread on hot buttered toast with a smear of Marmite, spread on freshly baked bread or cheese scones; spread very thickly on potato scones; pushed into hot, steaming baked potatoes; used a frying medium for potato scones, parboiled potatoes, eggs, french toast and tomatoes; but really best of all, liberally daubed and slathered over hot crumpets or waffles with maple syrup.  But butter is full of saturated fats, which the medical profession and my Beloved, say is bad for me. and we had huge fights raging arguments discussions on what was a suitable spread on bread, toasts etc.
This is good for you (so say all the f*cking experts)

I've really developed a taste for Alpha One Rice Bran Spread. It's quite nice.  It doesn't taste like rancid motor oil at all.  It also doesn't contain any of the industrial hydrogenated fats used in most spreads.  These are the ones that have trans-fats in them. These trans-fats don't really occur in nature, and I'm not sure what effects they'll have in the long term, so I finally won the agreement of my health-conscious Beloved to use the Alpha One Rice Bran Spread.

This is bad for you (so say all the f*cking experts)

Just don't tell her about the secret stash of Anchor fully-salted I keep in a secret cool place.  I tell you, Crumpets and Maple Syrup need Butter.  It's almost a law of nature.

They'll never find it.


  1. "Sometimes it's not much fun being a Microbiologist) in shorts and jandals (flip-flop sandals, or thongs to any non-Kiwi reader)".

    Can't quite imagine you in these.

    I'm going have to watch for some amusing misunderstandings if I ever land in NZ!

  2. looby: You bastard. You could have warned me. I clicked on that link and .... I'm going to have to resort to Dettol and a Wire Brush to erase the memory of that image form my mind. If you ever make it out here to this tiny South Pacific paradise, youre going to have to talk Kiwi. See here for some useful hints.

  3. I might try that alpha one stuff. Is it in the supermarkets?

  4. We used to use Logicol all the time which was good but the normal (not the 'lite' one) was becoming hard to find so switched to Alfa One. Another reason for switching was that none of the palm oil spreads including Logicol, could adequately guarantee that they were sourcing the oil from sustainable plantings. Alfa One was recommended in consumer tests as it does not use palm oil. We tried it and have stayed with it. It tastes good too.

  5. We just buy the cheapest spread! We're still alive.

  6. a little of what you fancy.............!!!

  7. Second Fiddle I bet you'd eat orangutans if they were cheap enough.


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