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Monday, 17 October 2011

Flaming Education

Fire and Education were in the news twice yesterday.

First was the teenager from Auckland who was siphoning petrol from his own car for an unspecified reason.

  1. To top up the family grass mower so he could cut the grass
  2. To start a long volatiles sniffing session
  3. To fill up the Molotov cocktails he's preparing for the "Protest against Anarchy"
  4. Just because he could.
  5. He was stoned and wanted something to toast his marshmallows

Unfortunately, this poor idiot forgot some of basic science he was (probably) taught at school. (I blame the teachers; everyone else is.)

He forgot that:
Flammable Vapour + Ignition source + Oxygen  =  Fireball + Fricasseed Dumbass

This intellectual giant seemingly couldn't see very clearly in the evening light, so flicked on his cigarette lighter to provide illumination.

Let there be LIGHT

It did provide a good light, as it ignited a fireball some metres in diameter as the petrol vapours ignited.  In fact it illuminated the entire street.  Well done.  Problem solved.

He is recovering in hospital, where, I am hopeful, they will offer him an IQ transfusion and provide him with anti-stupidity medication.

We should all feel sorry for this young chap.  It could have been worse.  Imagine him working in a Taranaki Liquid Gas plant.


Bye-bye New Plymouth.

But we should all club together and prepare a list of responses he will need to combat the stream of witticisms he will be exposed to in the near future, once he is released from the burns unit.
"You're a bright spark"
"Did you fight fire with fire?"
"Wow, that was a real baptism of fire"
"What frying pan did you jump out of?"
"I bet that gave you a warm glow"

and of course,

"You really are a f*cking idiot"

On a similar vein, I read that a teacher in France distinguished (unfortunately, not extinguished) himself by setting himself on fire at his school during a break.  He did this insane act in the playground in front of the students.

Not a good sight

He was reportedly feeling depressed because of problems he was having in classroom management.  His students were severely mucking him around, throwing paper aeroplanes and spit balls, and ignoring the poor sod.  He had a class conference with them, which had seemingly degenerated into a mutual name-calling chaotic free-for-all.

Ironically, it was some of these students who had rolled him on the ground, putting out his flames.

This guy is obviously a complete failure as a teacher, and if he survives, really needs to re-think his career options.

The first rule of teaching is:
"Don't get stressed, get even."

I know what I would have done.
Say hello to Mr Zippo boys.


  1. That reminds me of a story a friend told me. He is a DP at a major college and whilst admin takes up a lot of his time he likes to take a few classes to keep his hand in. One of these is a 'D' class which should be a 'Z'. This is made up of the students who are shall we say at the bottom of the streaming process. One of them a couple of years ago watched a Jackass TV programme and liked a segment where someone set fire to them self and ran around before jumping into a swimming pool. That guy of course had coated himself with a non burning gel and was wearing inflammable clothing. Our genius just poured petrol over himself, called out to his mates "Watch this" and lit the match.
    He spent ages in intensive care. I wonder if he learnt from this or just thought that he had a faulty match.

  2. I tend to think of escapades such as the one you described(and the Auckland syphoning idiot) as Evolution in Action.

  3. That second story is so sad. The first, oy. Definitely a top contender for a Darwin award, but now he has to be disfigured for the rest of his life. When I worked as a nurse, I took care of a few people who lit themselves on fire because they were smoking while hooked up to oxygen. That is multi-level stupidity.


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