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Friday, 6 August 2010


I'm a teacher.

I'm the Head of Faculty of ICT at Nuova Lazio (Also the guy in charge of creating the report system, the SMS (KAMAR)fixer-upper, the go-to guy for any minor/medium computing faults/problems, the mug who is taking care of relief, and much much more. But I don't like to boast.)
One of my jobs is to do the weekly trawl through the student's files for any "Unsuitable images"
By the nature of searching in an ICT system, and to the fact that any file can be given a name which bears no relation to it's contents, each file in the student's directories has to be examined visually to ascertain the suitability or otherwise of it's contents.
In other words, I have to look at every file created/saved/modified by the 958 pupils in Nuova Lazio.

It's a dirty job, but some one's got to do it.

The major search is for mild to severe porn.

My general criteria is the press. If an image could appear in the Dom. Post, then I deem it acceptable.
Girls in bikinis are OK, naked breasts or other exposed areas are verbotten.

Of course a double standard applies.

An image of Carmen Diaz in briefs is noted and erased, whilst a picture of Dan Carter in his Jockeys is ignored.

Over the last 5 years of doing these searches I have seen much amusing material, but actually very little porn.

The worst was found in the files of a Thai boy. He seemed to have developed a taste for Coprophilia. Mind you this same boy was also known for his propensity of cutting a hole in his trousers just below the zipped fly, and poking and waggling his index finger out of this hole. Especially in the presence of female teachers.

I think it would be fair to say he had some problems.

Most of the kids are just too embarrassed to look at "naughty" pictures when others are present, and many don't even know what they're looking at, they're just too young and immature.

It's been an interesting exercise. It certainly broadens the mind, never mind the tent effect. Funny. When I'm doing this search in the staff workroom ( I never do these searches in private, it's too dangerous. I need absolute transparency. As do some of the young ladies undergarments.)the other, (mostly male) members of staff tend to cluster around, looking over my shoulder, muttering comments like "Tut tut", "Well I never", "Would you look at the knockers on that", "Could you send that one to me?".
Guys never seem to tire of looking at the female form unclothed.

We're all little boys, embarrassed to admit it, feet crossed over in squirming awkwardness, but we don't close our eyes, just quickly avert them when caught.

I don't believe that the gentle sex suffers from the same obsession with naked glistening bodies as do the males.
I might be mistaken, and any ladies reading this feel free to correct my misapprehension.

Be warned.

The next image is, I think tasteful and not obscene, but some may find it offensive.

I find it eminently desirable. I could look at it for hours, just imagining the taste.

Do not scroll down if you think you may be offended by such an image.


  1. Hey, nice babes... and a good joke to finish with.

  2. Don't forget all the trouble that Eve caused Adam.

  3. Robert, that comment is just about as bad as Tony Abbott's "She said no repeatedly, and when she said no, I thought she meant no."
    Both are sexist.

  4. Pete, ask yourself, why has Gold never married?
    I think I'm just being a realist.

  5. oops, I meant God, not Gold.

    Pete, ask yourself, why has God never married?
    I think I'm just being a realist.


    Backwards = GIAORHPOL...
    An early Greek name for the devil.

  7. "I don't believe that the gentle sex suffers from the same obsession with naked glistening bodies as do the males" - I think there is some truth in that, I certainly looked longer at the Dan Cater image and I really don't mind having a good perve, but I don't go looking for it and I would never buy a magazine solely dedicated to the naked male form


    There are so many anagram options with this.
    How about: 'Grip A Halo' for sanctimonious Second
    or: 'Aloha Prig' for that alter-ego of his.

  9. I agree Fflur. Wine guy ... that comment was so totally uncool!


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